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  1. #21
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    Thanks for that post, Kai. I like to think I'm the last person on earth to pursue someone if I didn't think they had the interest, mostly because I also feel crushed from unrequited love. but then again i am a guy, a bit romantic, so i may not see things clearly some times.

    Normally, i would say, sure, friendship is a good goal for now, and we'll see where that leads, but i've spoken to other women who've said they'll never date anyone they've been friends with for any period of time. maybe because it's like, "if you were never interested in the first place, then you probably aren't sincerely interested now?" of course that was an ISTP talking, and i do not go to them for relationship advice (no offence if they're out there but they're probably not)

    i gotta think less and do more...i like hmm's suggestions, and yours about bluntness, (although the flirting to me is actually lots of fun i hate to give it up...neither of you knowing...lots of tension...i'm horrible)

    my most pressing question: is saying she doesn't want to "rush into things" actually that, or would an ISFJ be in fact very willing to rush into things immediately after a relationship if the new interest is someone she is truly, deeply interested in?

  2. #22
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Yes. With a restraining order.
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

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  3. #23
    Widdles in your cream.
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    I actually have a question now.

    While me and the ISFJ are together now, I sent her an email telling her how I felt and she never replied. We sort of side-stepped around it and carried on as though I never sent it. I'm still really baffled by this because from what I know, if she was interested, she would have replied. But if that were true we wouldn't be going out. :S Can anyone explain this? It's been on my mind for ages.
    Um, yeah.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by istar11 View Post
    Normally, i would say, sure, friendship is a good goal for now, and we'll see where that leads, but i've spoken to other women who've said they'll never date anyone they've been friends with for any period of time. Maybe because it's like, "if you were never interested in the first place, then you probably aren't sincerely interested now?" of course that was an ISTP talking, and i do not go to them for relationship advice (no offence if they're out there but they're probably not)

    i gotta think less and do more...i like hmm's suggestions, and yours about bluntness, (although the flirting to me is actually lots of fun i hate to give it up...neither of you knowing...lots of tension...i'm horrible)
    Yep. There's way too many factors influencing the ideas of love. At this stage I'm not sure there will be a correlation between behaviour and type, might have to play this one by the ear.

    my most pressing question: is saying she doesn't want to "rush into things" actually that, or would an ISFJ be in fact very willing to rush into things immediately after a relationship if the new interest is someone she is truly, deeply interested in?
    I'd think no.
    But I've never fallen head over heels, perhaps I don't allow myself. Friendship first provides me the stability and knowledge of what I'm getting into, something that I'm sure most SJs look for. Most people will probably love high intensity of passion, but at the same time it can be quite daunting.

  5. #25
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    frustrating, isn't it? that's similar to what i've found from the ISFJ i know. as if she's avoiding something that's unpleasant, like an obligation or responsibility to you she's not comfortable in fulfilling. there could be a lot of stress in her life right now, and she feels she can only handle so much of it. I know I might avoid relationship stressors when my life gets too busy cause they can take a lot of emotional effort to deal with...i dunno...

  6. #26
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    ha that's a cool point, kai...at this stage in dating maybe we shouldn't even be considering personality type...

    this is like the 4th time i've fallen crazily in love

  7. #27
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by istar11 View Post
    frustrating, isn't it? that's similar to what i've found from the ISFJ i know. as if she's avoiding something that's unpleasant, like an obligation or responsibility to you she's not comfortable in fulfilling. there could be a lot of stress in her life right now, and she feels she can only handle so much of it. I know I might avoid relationship stressors when my life gets too busy cause they can take a lot of emotional effort to deal with...i dunno...
    Mmm.
    There's the other possability that she might just want to slow things down so that she can get to know you better before investing herself emotionally in you. For example I'm really slow opening up to others, but once I've done so... I'm pretty much loyal for life.

    Tempted to think other FJs react in a similar fashion here.

    Course there are ISFJs who go for the ride rather than hold back because the feelings are too strong to resist. Curious about the statistics for ISFJs getting trapped in unhealthy relationships.

  8. #28
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    How would ESFJ differ from ISFJ on this issue? Or should it be about the same?

  9. #29
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by istar11 View Post
    ha that's a cool point, kai...at this stage in dating maybe we shouldn't even be considering personality type...

    this is like the 4th time i've fallen crazily in love
    It's never a personality type thing, but shhhh, that's a secret.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kai View Post
    Course there are ISFJs who go for the ride rather than hold back because the feelings are too strong to resist.
    This is me. Well, what I mean is, if I like a guy, I won't hold back my feelings or put off getting into a relationship with him, unless he wants to. I think I'm pretty good with picking up on someones good vs. bad intentions and I don't think it's such a horrible thing to get to know someone while within a romantic relationship. In fact, I like it better that way. As unwise as it may seem.

    That said, I think I'm a little atypical when it comes to this matter so it's hard for me to give advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Grungemouse View Post
    I actually have a question now.

    While me and the ISFJ are together now, I sent her an email telling her how I felt and she never replied. We sort of side-stepped around it and carried on as though I never sent it. I'm still really baffled by this because from what I know, if she was interested, she would have replied. But if that were true we wouldn't be going out. :S Can anyone explain this? It's been on my mind for ages.
    I'm a little confused by this too. How can you be going out if you've never mutually acknowledged how you feel?

  10. #30
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grungemouse View Post
    I actually have a question now.

    While me and the ISFJ are together now, I sent her an email telling her how I felt and she never replied. We sort of side-stepped around it and carried on as though I never sent it. I'm still really baffled by this because from what I know, if she was interested, she would have replied. But if that were true we wouldn't be going out. :S Can anyone explain this? It's been on my mind for ages.
    How do you know she got the e-mail? Could it have gotten flagged as spam?

    This is an awkward situation.

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