[ISTJ] How to Escape Female ISTJ

[527468]

Can someone PLEASE explain to me how to evade the clutches of a female ISTJ?

Be really intuitive. That seems to piss Ss off.

 

[Habba]

You are giving me the impression that although you might not want to hurt her feelings you also don't want to deal with the situation because you find it unpleasant. (Correct me if I'm wrong.) You are exaggerating the negative outcomes of being blunt. It is unlikely that she is going to hit you in the face unless she is openly violent. In that case you don't want to be friends with a person like that. If you are kind enough in your discussion with her it is also unlikely that you would ruin your regular friendship. You might use some self depricating humour to take the edge out of the situation. Bottom line: You're giving excuses to avoid confrontation...

Remember she is a ISTJ. She may be disappointed in hearing the bad news but she would probably rather hear the truth. Beating around the bush is more likely to piss her off/hurt her than being blunt.

The truth comes from the INTJs.

Davey... while chasing that ENFP of yours, don't you recall how frustrating it was not knowing whether she just liked you being a person, or because she had feelings for you? ISTJs don't understand subtle hints. They don't understand obvious hints. They "only" understand what is said as a fact.

How awkward it may feel, do you think it would get any less awkward in the future? Do you think that an ISTJ would just give up on something suddenly?

 

[Amargith]

Also Dave, physical intimacy and obvious bodylanguage aren't gonna put you in mortal danger. There's nothing to be scared of
So what, she likes you. Consider it a compliment, enjoy her friendship and let her know it's not mutual. The latter part is the hard part, I admit. But you shouldn't let her advances freak you out this much, she's not gonna eat you alive

 

[d@v3]

The truth comes from the INTJs.

Davey... while chasing that ENFP of yours, don't you recall how frustrating it was not knowing whether she just liked you being a person, or because she had feelings for you? ISTJs don't understand subtle hints. They don't understand obvious hints. They "only" understand what is said as a fact.

How awkward it may feel, do you think it would get any less awkward in the future? Do you think that an ISTJ would just give up on something suddenly?

Why are you calling me "Davey"? Anyway, ^this is a good post, Habba. With all the ENFP excitement it seems like I have ALMOST forgotten how to behave like an ISTJ. You are right. I must get the "fact" that it is not mutual across to her. Unfortunately, I must be blunt.

I don't know how to be intuitive! Whoever said that. And it doesn't piss me off when people are intuitive, as long as I understand their intuitiveness.

 

[d@v3]

Also Dave, physical intimacy and obvious bodylanguage aren't gonna put you in mortal danger. There's nothing to be scared of

There's not? Amargith, you should seriously reconsider what your saying. Have you ever been hit on by an ISTJ girl? It is very intimidating.

But you shouldn't let her advances freak you out this much, she's not gonna eat you alive

She's won't? She's pretty scary though.

 

[hjomn]

I totally get what you're going through! Just last summer I've had the same problem, and I'm not sure whether she was an ISTJ, either that or ISFJ. Anyways, it was a total drag because I'm not really the blunt type either.

She kept following me/texting (she got my number somehow) me even though I was totally not interested and let it show. No insult, but I don't think I would fall in love with an ISTJ too quickly. At the end I got sick of her, verrrry sick of her because I hinted I was not interested in her and we weren't even friends (which made the whole situation a lot simpler), but she kept righton going. After that, I guess I told her VERY clearly I would never fall in love with her, and when she doubted that (how unbelieving can you be), I told her I was in love with another girl which did help. I wasn't even lying actually...

What did make my situation a lot easier was that we were tooootally not friends. If I were her friend, it would be a lot harder for me to tell her that so bluntly, but I think I would be so frustrated after a while that it would eventually come out.

Lots of luck, man

 

[d@v3]

LOL! Yes, someone who knows what I'm going through! The ironic part is that I'm SUPPOSED to be the blunt one as well. As I am ISTJ! LOL she stole your number from somewhere? She sounds must more persistent than the girl in this situation, but then again, the girl in this situation is more of a friend and she knows much about my schedule and even much about me!

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I would never get along well with an ISTJ. But as the optimistic ENFP's say, "any relationship will work if you both want it to." And I suppose there is at least SOME truth to that!

 

[Cimarron]

All these stories of ISTJ encounters just make me more sure of my type. It's a little embarrassing... (always has been). There are reasonable limits here. I know there are reasonable limits.

 

[hjomn]

LOL! Yes, someone who knows what I'm going through! The ironic part is that I'm SUPPOSED to be the blunt one as well. As I am ISTJ! LOL she stole your number from somewhere? She sounds must more persistent than the girl in this situation, but then again, the girl in this situation is more of a friend and she knows much about my schedule and even much about me!

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I would never get along well with an ISTJ. But as the optimistic ENFP's say, "any relationship will work if you both want it to." And I suppose there is at least SOME truth to that!

Hahah, yeah it was brutal!! Like really brutal!! I guess she didn't realize I am quite independent and love to be actually flirted with in a nonbinding kinda way before getting to the stage of most extravagantly declaring your love for each other. Gheh, pretty much the first thing she told me was that she was sure I was in love with her. That turned me off about 10 times over already.

Yup, she gets along well with my cousin who happens to have my phone number, so I think that's how she got it. I wish you lots of luck, I know the whole friend-zone/relationship zone is one sucker to navigate through every once in a while:steam:

Haha, I know, anything can happen when you fall in love. I just happen to always idealize my girlfriend-to-be, but usually I fall for somebody really different than I had planned. That does make it an interesting ride though.

 

[hjomn]

All these stories of ISTJ encounters just make me more sure of my type. It's a little embarrassing... (always has been). There are reasonable limits here. I know there are reasonable limits.

Don't worry Cimarron. I can really chuckle (positively) about people who are really focused on their 'love' and be enthusiastic about them in thought and action, as long as I'm not the target of unwanted love.

And really, when somebody falls for you, she could care less if you're ISTJ and act like one. It's best to just stay yourself...

 

[d@v3]

All these stories of ISTJ encounters just make me more sure of my type. It's a little embarrassing... (always has been). There are reasonable limits here. I know there are reasonable limits.

Yeah, I don't know Cimarron. I'm just not like the "average" ISTJ in that way. If a girl I am interested in encounters me, It's ALMOST as if I turn ENFP temporarily. It is a strange feeling. Now, of course, my evil ISTJ core is still there, it's just covered up. Does that make sense?

Please do not misunderstand the above message. Iam NOT an ENFP. [not that I have a problem with ENFP's because I assure you, I don't! ]

 

[d@v3]

Hahah, yeah it was brutal!! Like really brutal!! I guess she didn't realize I am quite independent and love to be actually flirted with in a nonbinding kinda way before getting to the stage of most extravagantly declaring your love for each other. Gheh, pretty much the first thing she told me was that she was sure I was in love with her. That turned me off about 10 times over already.

Yup, she gets along well with my cousin who happens to have my phone number, so I think that's how she got it. I wish you lots of luck, I know the whole friend-zone/relationship zone is one sucker to navigate through every once in a while:steam:

Haha, I know, anything can happen when you fall in love. I just happen to always idealize my girlfriend-to-be, but usually I fall for somebody really different than I had planned. That does make it an interesting ride though.

Wow. I better defuse this situation. The girl you are describing sounds relentless! Your suppose to be giving me words of encouragement not petrify me even more!

Well, my Friend-Zone/Relationship Zone has not been navigated in so long that it seems I have lost my way! I find it very difficult to be "friends" with a girl I am interested in. Maybe that is how she feels?

 

[Cimarron]

I can kind of see that, too--when I'm in good standing with her. What I mean is that sometimes it brings out a new side of a person.

 

[d@v3]

I can kind of see that, too--when I'm in good standing with her. What I mean is that sometimes it brings out a new side of a person.

Yeah, that's a good way to explain it. It's what girl ENFP's do to me! Not sure how they do it, but it DOES feel good to get out of the ol' SJ ways, if only for a little while. But as soon as they leave my presence, it's back to the same SJ routine!

 

[Recoleta]

If you want her to leave you alone, just be honest with her. Say that because of the circumstance you both are in (teacher & student), it would be unprofessional and makes you uncomfortable. Say something nice like you enjoy her friendship, but you think it would be best kept at that level. That'd work for me. Granted, if she's just obtuse, you might have to go to more extreme measures.

In case of emergency:

- Do something that violates her value system
- Pick up an annoying habit (and not the kind that can be somehow misconstrued as being awkwardly cute)
- Nail her chair to the ground so she can't move closer
- Or try the desk thing someone else mentioned, and learn to read comfortably upside down
- Become flaky/sketchy (c'mon you know ISTJs hate that)
- Show up chronically late to meetings with her
- Be disorganized
- Be self-centered

I mean, really, if you seem so adverse toward her, how good of friends can you be? Is your friendship really mutually benefiting?

 

[d@v3]

If you want her to leave you alone, just be honest with her. Say that because of the circumstance you both are in (teacher & student), it would be unprofessional and makes you uncomfortable. Say something nice like you enjoy her friendship, but you think it would be best kept at that level. That'd work for me. Granted, if she's just obtuse, you might have to go to more extreme measures.

In case of emergency:

- Do something that violates her value system
- Pick up an annoying habit (and not the kind that can be somehow misconstrued as being awkwardly cute)
- Nail her chair to the ground so she can't move closer
- Or try the desk thing someone else mentioned, and learn to read comfortably upside down
- Become flaky/sketchy (c'mon you know ISTJs hate that)
- Show up chronically late to meetings with her
- Be disorganized
- Be self-centered

I mean, really, if you seem so adverse toward her, how good of friends can you be? Is your friendship really mutually benefiting?

Cool! A girl ISTJ has finally spoken up! Anyway, I think she IS obtuse. Like I said I have cancelled meetings (and I made sure she knew there was no reason for cancelling) but it just doesn't work! I have been rude to her, (the video game while on telephone and non-reponsive to text messaging) and it doesn't work either! I have showed up late for meetings, and what not and that doesn't work either!

Disorganized? Self-Cenetered?! I wouldn't know how to do those things! Must I give up ALL of my wonderful ISTJ traits to escape?

Our friendship isn't that strong, we just see eachother and make small talk and we have ever gone to get lunch once or twice. (That was a long time ago and obviously we don't do that anymore) I don't know what her value system is.

 

[Tiltyred]

Why not just tell her it's your policy not to date students?

 

[d@v3]

Why not just tell her it's your policy not to date students?

Hmm.. now why didn't I think of that?! Your a genius!!! I'll incorporate that into my conversation!

 

[Costrin]

Hmm.. now why didn't I think of that?! Your a genius!!! I'll incorporate that into my conversation!

Anyway, that might only work temporarily. Could possibly give the wrong impression. You say that, and the subtext is "but I would totally love to date you if you weren't my student." She might try and continue her behaviour so that when she's out of your class she can continue pursuing you.

Not to be pessimist or anything.

 

[Laurie]

Just as long as you dont feel stuck to that if you meet a really awesome student you want to date.

I agree with Costrin, trying to save someone's feelings by saying "oh if not for xxx I would date you" is a bad idea. You end up with people who are extremely into you and convinced that you are the one when you do it that way. Trust me.

What if she decided to stop being a student for you? Weirder things have happened.