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  1. #101
    rawr Costrin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    Being friends with someone who I'm romantically interested would tear me apart. And it has.

    I had this ex-girlfriend, with whom we shared a lots of common interests and activities. First I thought it would be really cool to have someone like that as a friend. But after couple of months, it was really tearing me in parts. It's like being on a strict-diet and living in a house made of chocolate and candy.

    I guess it's the Si function at work here.
    Thirding this.
    "All humour has a foundation of truth."
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  2. #102
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    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    Uh, forget to add:

    I managed to hang by as a friend for a year or so... we didn't see too often, but we chatted and facebooked each others every now and then. But I was near to lose my mind when she changed her relation status on Facebook to "in relationship". The Facebook-drama!

    I cut all the contacts to her, and removed everything that reminded me of her. I've been happier ever since. More of this in the topic "IS_Js and the past". Find yourselves there, I can't bother to make a link.
    How did she react though? What did she think of you afterwards?

  3. #103
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siegfried View Post
    I'd find it difficult aswell, since you can't just end your feelings like that, if people can manage it thats great, but being close to the person for me would tear me apart.
    Yes, that ENFP I was chasing: After she turned me down she said "I really enjoy talking to you I hope we can still be friends".... YEAH RIGHT!

    I know it sounds mean but, it's just too hard. Too distracting. If I were to focus on her in "hopes" that we might some day get together. I may be missing opportunities with other girls. Just being with her and talking to her could imply to a girl that is interested in me that I am already taken. Does that make sense?
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #104
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    The thing is we're open to a connection with people and we decide along the way, the more info we get on the person, where this person is going to fit in to our lives. We don't like judging a person before we really know them. Thats why to me the 'friendship/flirting' process is a way to determine if they're dating-material or not. Again, as Tiny said, if we decide against it, it doesn't mean we don't like you, but it means that something's missing from the connection in order to date. But they can still make awesome friends.

    I'd like to bounce the ball back and ask how in the hell you guys decide so quickly that you wanna date someone. Aren't we supposed to be the impulsive ones and aren't you guys supposed to weigh your decisions before making them??? Maybe it's coz you observe first before you make contact...I dunno. Just realize we're not the same. We like connecting to people and there are very many different types of connections, from acquaintances to friends ,to dear friends to lovers and the love of your life..And many more inbetween that don't really have a name. And as a friend you go through all those stages and usually only 1 guy in the end makes it to love of your life.

    I didn't date a single guy I didn't first befriend. At least you know what you're getting yourself into then.
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  5. #105
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siegfried View Post
    How did she react though? What did she think of you afterwards?
    Well, I felt we became rather distant suddenly. She was an INFJ, so she tended to be unavailable a lot, and practically we only had conversations when she initiated them. I got "He's nice, but I don't really want to spend my time with him" vibes off her.

  6. #106
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    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    Well, I felt we became rather distant suddenly. She was an INFJ, so she tended to be unavailable a lot, and practically we only had conversations when she initiated them. I got "He's nice, but I don't really want to spend my time with him" vibes off her.
    Not everything works out, I hope things are good for you next time. Hmm, I've known someone for a year and a half, I wasn't quick to decide if I wanted to date her, lol. Admittedly there were very huge gaps in this. It just feels to me, it might be easier for both, to let it be.

  7. #107
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    The thing is we're open to a connection with people and we decide along the way, the more info we get on the person, where this person is going to fit in to our lives. We don't like judging a person before we really know them. Thats why to me the 'friendship/flirting' process is a way to determine if they're dating-material or not. Again, as Tiny said, if we decide against it, it doesn't mean we don't like you, but it means that something's missing from the connection in order to date. But they can still make awesome friends.

    I'd like to bounce the ball back and ask how in the hell you guys decide so quickly that you wanna date someone. Aren't we supposed to be the impulsive ones and aren't you guys supposed to weigh your decisions before making them??? Maybe it's coz you observe first before you make contact...I dunno. Just realize we're not the same. We like connecting to people and there are very many different types of connections, from acquaintances to friends ,to dear friends to lovers and the love of your life..And many more inbetween that don't really have a name. And as a friend you go through all those stages and usually only 1 guy in the end makes it to love of your life.

    I didn't date a single guy I didn't first befriend. At least you know what you're getting yourself into then.
    We observe from afar. In fact, so far that you ENFP's are oblivious that you are being watched. We could spend Days/ or even weeks doing this. We see how you react with other people. If you are friendly and nice to people. Surely you will be friendly and nice with us too! We perform subtle actions to let you know that we are interested. After a week or two of talking and being friendly, then we ask you out on a date.

    What is wrong with the above scenario?!

    My question to you ENFP's is what does it mean to be "too nice"? Because apprently if your "too nice" you will come off as a friend? WHY?
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #108
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    I'd like to bounce the ball back and ask how in the hell you guys decide so quickly that you wanna date someone. Aren't we supposed to be the impulsive ones and aren't you guys supposed to weigh your decisions before making them???
    It's the primary perceptive function we have, Introverted Sensing. We collect HUGE amount of data about everything we see, hear, sense, smell and taste. We already know (or at least we think we do. ) everything needed before we make decisions. And once we make them, they are rather final. Before I event talk to a person, I get strong vibes whether she's a friend-material or dating material. So, from the beginning we see those as separate things, and we don't mix them very well. You are either this, or that, but you can't be both!

    Anyways, thanks for clarifying this ENFP-side of the process. It really made me understand you weirdos more.

  9. #109
    Te > Fi > Ni Shaula's Avatar
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    We observe from afar. In fact, so far that you ENFP's are oblivious that you are being watched. We could spend Days/ or even weeks doing this.
    So then... ISTJs are stalkers!
    Is not to be held accuntable for peeling errors.

  10. #110
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    We observe from afar. In fact, so far that you ENFP's are oblivious that you are being watched. We could spend Days/ or even weeks doing this. We see how you react with other people. If you are friendly and nice to people. Surely you will be friendly and nice with us too! We perform subtle actions to let you know that we are interested. After a week or two of talking and being friendly, then we ask you out on a date.

    What is wrong with the above scenario?!

    My question to you ENFP's is what does it mean to be "too nice"? Because apprently if your "too nice" you will come off as a friend? WHY?

    Never had a problem with that, but maybe that's a cultural thing. Sometimes it is true, that you just see a guy as a friend, coz frankly..the chemistry just aint there. Also happened for me, that the chemistry was there and he was a great guy..but something was off. As much as I wouldn't mind sleeping with him, I didn't see a future with him (differences on values, basic incompatibility etc). And with my current boyfriend, I at first didn't have chemistry the first moment I met him, till he started talking...I fell head over heels.

    Your scenario puts us at a disadvantage... you guys are already way ahead of us, as you've been observing. The moment you actually make 'contact' is the moment we start our deliberation process..and then I'm sorry, you'll just have to be patient while we collect data

    Edit: Habba, also realize that we're sensotards most of the time (at least I am). I'm oblivious that people stare at me, unless I have reason to notice and then I can see it even if they're trying to hide it. But I rarely have a reason to do so. People are gonna stare at me anyways, coz I'm an oddball..why waste energy on noticing such trivial things?
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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