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  1. #91
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    [QUOTE=d@v3;532171]

    Uhh anyway. Yeah, so I think you all are right. I'm just going to have to have a civil talk with her[QUOTE]


    This sounds the best way forward. It'd be a good idea to talk through things openly to each other. If you feel its needed, you have tried to talk about things right?

  2. #92
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    We are not afraid. In fact we are so not afraid that we won't commit in case there's something more exciting to not be afraid of up ahead. I know you ISTJs think that you "just know" but ENFPs don't. ENFPs don't see saying "I don't want to be in a relationship, lets be friends" as rejection. They see it as providing an alternative to an option that didn't suit them. If an ENFP gives you the opportunity to be their friend because they are uncomfortable being in a relationship with you, and that's not good enough for you, it's your fault, not the ENFPs. They're giving you options, you're just being too stubborn to explore them.

    Not wanting to be in a relationship with you doesn't mean that there's something wrong with them or with you, it just means that they didn't want to be in a relationship with you.

    (Sorry if this sounds like a rant, I just don't like being accused of being selfish in situations where I don't want to go out with someone. If not wanting to date someone you just don't want to date is selfish, then I guess I am.)

  3. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post

    Not wanting to be in a relationship with you doesn't mean that there's something wrong with them or with you, it just means that they didn't want to be in a relationship with you.

    (Sorry if this sounds like a rant, I just don't like being accused of being selfish in situations where I don't want to go out with someone. If not wanting to date someone you just don't want to date is selfish, then I guess I am.)
    Thats fine, if you don't want to date the person. Its perfectly ok, lol. You shouldn't go out with someone if you don't want to.

  4. #94
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    We are not afraid. In fact we are so not afraid that we won't commit in case there's something more exciting to not be afraid of up ahead. I know you ISTJs think that you "just know" but ENFPs don't. ENFPs don't see saying "I don't want to be in a relationship, lets be friends" as rejection. They see it as providing an alternative to an option that didn't suit them. If an ENFP gives you the opportunity to be their friend because they are uncomfortable being in a relationship with you, and that's not good enough for you, it's your fault, not the ENFPs. They're giving you options, you're just being too stubborn to explore them.

    Not wanting to be in a relationship with you doesn't mean that there's something wrong with them or with you, it just means that they didn't want to be in a relationship with you.

    (Sorry if this sounds like a rant, I just don't like being accused of being selfish in situations where I don't want to go out with someone. If not wanting to date someone you just don't want to date is selfish, then I guess I am.)
    I'm talking about "friendship" line in general. Not necessarily ENFP's only. I mean, it's the most common line I've gotten. If it's not rejection, than what is? And of course it means there is something wrong with you! [Well, the person that it is being said to] Why else would they say it?

    We're not saying it's selfish. We would just like to know what the problem is instead of dancing around the bush.

    Let's be honest, it's just another way for girls to say "no" without actually saying "no".
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #95
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    A perceived incompatibility does not mean there's anything wrong with either party. It just means that one of you thinks you're incompatible.

    It's a way for girls to say "No, I don't want to date you." not "No, I don't like you." Just because we don't want to date you does not mean we think you're a vile person and we hate you. We just don't think it will work out as a dating thing. I know you want to know what the problem is, but that's just it; there IS no problem. At least we don't see it that way.

    Our thought process goes "Gee, he's a nice guy! Oh, he wants to date. Do I want to date him? No, I don't think I really want to date him/anyone. Maybe he wants to be friends! Friends are awesome too!."

    I know this sounds mean but it often boils down to "Lets be friends." = "You're a really nice guy and I like connecting with you about things but I don't want to sleep with you."

  6. #96
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    A perceived incompatibility does not mean there's anything wrong with either party. It just means that one of you thinks you're incompatible.

    It's a way for girls to say "No, I don't want to date you." not "No, I don't like you." Just because we don't want to date you does not mean we think you're a vile person and we hate you. We just don't think it will work out as a dating thing. I know you want to know what the problem is, but that's just it; there IS no problem. At least we don't see it that way.

    Our thought process goes "Gee, he's a nice guy! Oh, he wants to date. Do I want to date him? No, I don't think I really want to date him/anyone. Maybe he wants to be friends! Friends are awesome too!."

    I know this sounds mean but it often boils down to "Lets be friends." = "You're a really nice guy and I like connecting with you about things but I don't want to sleep with you."
    There is a difference between sleeping with someone and dating someone. LOL. And how do you ENFP's know you "don't want to date" someone if you don't give them a chance? Do you have a magic 8 balls in your pocket that you shake every time you need to make this type of decision?

    How can you be friends with someone you are romantically interested in? You will always be faced with uncertainty as whether or not you should try to go look for someone else or not? Do you know what I mean?
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #97
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    How can you be friends with someone you are romantically interested in? You will always be faced with uncertainty as whether or not you should try to go look for someone else or not? Do you know what I mean?
    Being friends with someone who I'm romantically interested would tear me apart. And it has.

    I had this ex-girlfriend, with whom we shared a lots of common interests and activities. First I thought it would be really cool to have someone like that as a friend. But after couple of months, it was really tearing me in parts. It's like being on a strict-diet and living in a house made of chocolate and candy.

    I guess it's the Si function at work here.

  8. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    Being friends with someone who I'm romantically interested would tear me apart. And it has.

    I had this ex-girlfriend, with whom we shared a lots of common interests and activities. First I thought it would be really cool to have someone like that as a friend. But after couple of months, it was really tearing me in parts. It's like being on a strict-diet and living in a house made of chocolate and candy.

    I guess it's the Si function at work here.
    I'd find it difficult aswell, since you can't just end your feelings like that, if people can manage it thats great, but being close to the person for me would tear me apart.

  9. #99
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Uh, forget to add:

    I managed to hang by as a friend for a year or so... we didn't see too often, but we chatted and facebooked each others every now and then. But I was near to lose my mind when she changed her relation status on Facebook to "in relationship". The Facebook-drama!

    I cut all the contacts to her, and removed everything that reminded me of her. I've been happier ever since. More of this in the topic "IS_Js and the past". Find yourselves there, I can't bother to make a link.

  10. #100
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    And how do you ENFP's know you "don't want to date" someone if you don't give them a chance? Do you have a magic 8 balls in your pocket that you shake every time you need to make this type of decision?
    How do you know you don't want to date her?

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