[MBTI General] IS_J and the past

[Habba]

IS_J has primary cognitive function Introverted Sensing, which is related to past experiences. And as such, past experiences mean a lot to us. That is no good, since it easily makes us prisoners of our past. It's like a heavy anchor we must bear with us.

Any other IS_J having problems letting go of past things? I find it very hard of letting go of people I used to share something special. It makes heartbreaks even worse.

I ponder "what if I had.." questions each day, and it's getting rather annoying. Any similar experiences or advices?

Discuss the topic!

 

[BerberElla]

Si isn't even my dominant function but it weighs me down immensely so I can easily imagine how tough it would be to have it as your primary function.

My ISFJ friend has pined for a place she used to live for 10 years now. She is always depressed that she can never go back there, or be around the friends she had down there (safety reasons caused her to flee and mean she can't ever return).

It's so hard trying to shake her out of the despondancy she feels because she can't let go of that past, and accept her place now, or even plan for a new future. She is really stuck in the past, it's almost impossible to get her to see that holding onto it is bad for her.

Good thread, I'm looking forward to understanding this better for her sake.

 

[Giggly]

Yes, I have this too. You are not alone. I sometimes have trouble letting go of ideals, memories, experiences, judgements etc. I've formed the past too. It's hard to deal with but you must remember that it's not just a curse, it's also a blessing... and you should focus on that. This particular trait is what fosters steadfastness and predictability in yourself and that's a good thing.

 

[raz]

IS_J has primary cognitive function Introverted Sensing, which is related to past experiences. And as such, past experiences mean a lot to us. That is no good, since it easily makes us prisoners of our past. It's like a heavy anchor we must bear with us.

Any other IS_J having problems letting go of past things? I find it very hard of letting go of people I used to share something special. It makes heartbreaks even worse.

I ponder "what if I had.." questions each day, and it's getting rather annoying. Any similar experiences or advices?

Discuss the topic!

Welcome to the club. I was in a depression for several years, and during it I played online games every day all day. It was amazingly exciting every day, but safe. I didn't have to contend with unnecessary risks or sudden challenges I couldn't overcome. Now, out of my depression, I'm working on making my "real life" better and my depression weighs me down every day.

I constantly wish I could go back to the time where I wasn't worried about what the next day was going to be like, or where I was going to be in 6 months. I want to be able to focus on enjoying today, and it's not as easy as it used to be. I'm constantly realizing that although I have plenty understanding of the world around me and the willpower to keep up with it, the one thing stopping me is emotional strength. I'm holding myself to my past ideals so much that it's stopping me from making the leaps in progress that are presenting themselves to me daily. It's not as easy to fix as I want it to be.

Also, at the same time, though, I use it as a defense mechanism. When I'm in an uncomfortable situation, my mind switches to replaying things that excite me to calm me down and shift attention from what's bothering me about my surroundings.

 

[Glycerine]

man, it must be hard to be Si dominant... whenever I get stuck in the past, it's always been extremely negative experience.

 

[bbites]

I have major "letting go" issues. I hold grudges and get absolutely crushed over the slightest indictation that someone thinks ill of me.

 

[NewEra]

Not really. I generally don't like to dwell on the past, I think it's a big waste of time. I usually don't look to the future much. I almost always focus on the present the most, maybe too much.

 

[Geoff]

Strange really, when you think about it. After all, everything in the past has gone forever. The child you were is dead. The person you were yesterday is dead. Tomorrow has not happened yet. Given that, why do so many of us find it hard to let go of past guilt, pain, memories and all.

 

[Amira]

Yup, I have always remembered old friends fondly and think about past people and experiences regularly. I remember running into someone I hadn't seen in years and years and she looked at me as if I had two heads when I wanted to pick up basically where we left off. To me, we were still good friends, but to her we were now almost strangers. It feels embarrassing and sad - embarrassing to be "the weird one" and sad that they can let go of important things so easily.

And yes, being stuck in the past can be a real drag, too. It is too easy to get into a rut where my mind replays things I should have done better and why didn't I just do this instead, etc. As a result, I also do a lot of, "Well, tomorrow/soon I will do this," because I want to be healthy and productive rather than depressed. Being such an all or nothing person, that then means that I don't do a whole lot of living in the present because I am so busy with my next goal. Agh!

The good thing about the Introverted Sensing, though, is that I have a very large store of, say, quotes from books I have read. Most of my siblings have read the same books I have, so we are constantly saying stuff when we're on the phone that is from books - and we don't even have to tell each other which book/movie/song it's from. And when getting to know people it does help to be able to remember to ask them next time, "So, how was your trip?" or "Is your kid feeling better?" So, I guess Introverted Sensing can be a heavy burden but it can also be good.

 

[Cimarron]

man, it must be hard to be Si dominant... whenever I get stuck in the past, it's always been extremely negative experience.

It's not as bad as it sounds. Probably large parts of my day consist of my mind wandering back to conversations I had that morning, or something that happened yesterday, or that confrontation last month, etc. Things drift off, linked one to the next, until you don't remember where you started. Unfortunately, you've got to pick up and do something in the present eventually, but dreaming can be nice and relaxing.

 

[Virtual ghost]

I am curious.

If an NT started this thread and said that Si is very problematic function would you be offended?

Or that depends on how it was said?

 

[d@v3]

IS_J has primary cognitive function Introverted Sensing, which is related to past experiences. And as such, past experiences mean a lot to us. That is no good, since it easily makes us prisoners of our past. It's like a heavy anchor we must bear with us.

Any other IS_J having problems letting go of past things? I find it very hard of letting go of people I used to share something special. It makes heartbreaks even worse.

I ponder "what if I had.." questions each day, and it's getting rather annoying. Any similar experiences or advices?

Discuss the topic!

Through a series of unfortunate events, I went from [ENFP?] to ISTJ... for the first year I reveled in my blunt/cold-hearted/ ruthless ways. Because I swore I would NEVER be like my Exxx (but none of them are ENFP) family... you can only take so many broken promises, then you become immune to the emotion of sadness. After a short while from being an ISTJ, I realized I wasn't who I was supposed to be. I was lonely and rigid.... I was "tough guy" who noone wanted to talk to or mess with. (Tough that is, until an ENFP came along!) However, now eight years later, I am closer to becoming the ENFP I once was.... when talking to others Iam likeable, funny, and very easy to get along with (but that part of me never really changed)... I reckon all this is why I am so strongly attracted to ENFP's. They were the ones in high school that, inspite of my threats.. drew hearts and flowers all over my notebooks and things! LOL! they got me soo mad! They could see through me...they are the ones who actually care...

I'm still having trouble confronting my past, as my family and I don't get along too well, I'm afraid I'm an ISTJ forever....which I'm ok with... as long as I'm not the rigid moron who everyone hates.... AND as long as I have an ENFP girl... and I'm working on that

 

[Snow Turtle]

I am curious.

If an NT started this thread and said that Si is very problematic function would you be offended?

Or that depends on how it was said?

Depends whether it reflects true reality or whether it's biased. It could even be an SJ. So yes... depends on what was said, reasons given and how it's relayed, at least for me.

 

[Cimarron]

I am curious.

If an NT started this thread and said that Si is very problematic function would you be offended?

Or that depends on how it was said?

Changing how you say it won't change how you mean it. I think I know where you're going with this...

I've said before that I think a lot of "frustration" people on this board seem to have with SJs can be explained by their encounters with Si: because of its attachment to memories, and often resistance or reluctance to change. People may argue that Si tends to block innovation (that's what they say about SJs in general).

 

[Virtual ghost]

Changing how you say it won't change how you mean it. I think I know where you're going with this...

I've said before that I think a lot of "frustration" people on this board seem to have with SJs can be explained by their encounters with Si: because of its attachment to memories, and often resistance or reluctance to change. People may argue that Si tends to block innovation (that's what they say about SJs in general).

That is one thing, another thing is that I want to see if people would have similar relation to this thread if a NT created it. Or it is likely that it would be considered as an attack?

But I am aware of the fact that there is no real way of knowing it.

 

[Glycerine]

Not really. I generally don't like to dwell on the past, I think it's a big waste of time. I usually don't look to the future much. I almost always focus on the present the most, maybe too much.

Everything you just said makes you really sound like an ISTP then. From my understanding: SJ's tend to live in the past, SP's tend to live in the present moment, N's tend to live in the future.

 

[Glycerine]

It's not as bad as it sounds. Probably large parts of my day consist of my mind wandering back to conversations I had that morning, or something that happened yesterday, or that confrontation last month, etc. Things drift off, linked one to the next, until you don't remember where you started. Unfortunately, you've got to pick up and do something in the present eventually, but dreaming can be nice and relaxing.

haha, I do that a lot too. It's like my Se and Ti make a really strong synthetic Si. I'm really good at remembering facts and details for when I need them but it's not as efficient and meticulous as in real Si users. It's amazing how detailed you guys are.

 

[NewEra]

Everything you just said makes you really sound like an ISTP then. From my understanding: SJ's tend to live in the past, SP's tend to live in the present moment, N's tend to live in the future.

lol I've had this dilemma a bunch of times (ISTJ or ISTP?). As I like to say, I'm an ISTJ when I'm working, and ISTP when I'm not working.

 

[Cimarron]

I say that I like to live in the present...but I know that the past has a strong pull on my actions, probably. What I really mean is that I try to live in the present, but that doesn't always mean I'm successful at it.

That's how it is for me, but maybe it's not the case for Chosen One.

 

[NewEra]

I say that I like to live in the present...but I know that the past has a strong pull on my actions, probably. What I really mean is that I try to live in the present, but that doesn't always mean I'm successful at it.

That's how it is for me, but maybe it's not the case for Chosen One.

Yeah, I never usually look back into my past. I don't usually want to, but even during the few times I want to, I don't really like to, especially deep in my past.