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[MBTI General] ISTJ-ENFP Relationship Starter (Help!)

Wild horses

New member
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
1,916
MBTI Type
ENFP
I am quite a forgiving person.. actually it takes ALOT to make me take offense in the first place! And I love to see the good inpeople in fact I have my rose tintied glasses firmly in place AT ALL TIMES!! :D
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
well...if i like someone i'm very friendly...go out of my way to talk to them and see them and am complimentary and a lil flirty...and if my opinion changes i won't but i'll still be nice if i still like them but just in a different way...but i won't go out of my way anymore and i won't be so...effusive?? if that's the word.
 

CJ99

Is Willard in Footloose!!
Joined
Jan 5, 2009
Messages
582
MBTI Type
ENTP
As many of you know, as an ISTJ, my social skills SUCK :

I have been alone for about 8 years and even before then, I never really had any romantic relationship. I have been told I can be very "charming" to girls, but have not been able to get them to agree to a date.

A girl from school just randomly "friended" me started messaging me on facebook and I think she may be an ENFP (;)), we have had great conversations in the last week and she said she would "love" it if I showed her my pictures from over-seas sometime. She is also telling me all the time that she "loves" to watch movies and go to the movies. She said she had a problem with spending way too much time on homework and not enough time having fun. What does this mean? It sounds like an invitation to ask her out to me! :cheese:

The problem is that every time I propose lunch or dinner or something she comes up with a reason it will not work out. I do not want to annoy her. Iam very confused and it seems like all I can do now is wait. I REALLY hate to wait... are there any alternatives? How long should I wait? Would it be wrong of me to assume she is not interested if I don't hear anything after a few days? :confused:

This whole thing has put me into ISTJ crisis mode or something. It's a feeling I don't think I have every felt before. Almost like watching a suspense movie with the feelings of uncertainty. I didn't even sleep well last night! I found it very difficult to concentrate on a machine I had to put together at work the other day. It was an expensive machine and I would have been held liable too if it broke.

People have said I worry too much about some things, but I never thought it would get to this point. Feeling this way can't be normal nor can it be healthy, right? What the heck is wrong with me? Any ideas of how I can get this worry off my mind? Perhaps it just takes time to forget it. :sadbanana:

Sorry I made this so long. :sorry:

You need to relax! Have fun with her and don't boss her about atall or she will just fuck off.
 

Tiny Army

New member
Joined
Jan 12, 2009
Messages
679
MBTI Type
EN?P
Enneagram
7
I think this all comes from dominant Si. My willingness to grab onto what is solid, stable and familiar, and my habit of shunning what is unreliable, undefined and absurd. I'm confident once I feel the steady rock beneath my feet.

And this is why I love the ENFP. They are the complete opposite. How can they feel safe without the steady rock? I'm eager to find out and learn from them. And perhaps that's what I'm looking in a relationship. Something to be learned. :unsure:

Thank you all for reading this random post. :D

I think it's wonderful that you're willing to learn from ENFPs. I've always appreciated the ISTJ steadiness and think it is a valuable skill to hone. Si is my inferior function and having spent quite some time trying to improve it.

Si presents very differently in ENFPs. Our Si doesn't result in a willingness to lock to what is steady, but it does add a steadiness to our pursuit of the unreliable. ENFPs will never stop following vague dreams into the sky. It's the Si that teaches us how to fly straight.

I would love to hear more about ISTJs and the rock beneath their feet. How do you attach yourselves to the stable and familiar without feeling stifled and trapped?
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I think it's wonderful that you're willing to learn from ENFPs. I've always appreciated the ISTJ steadiness and think it is a valuable skill to hone. Si is my inferior function and having spent quite some time trying to improve it.

Si presents very differently in ENFPs. Our Si doesn't result in a willingness to lock to what is steady, but it does add a steadiness to our pursuit of the unreliable. ENFPs will never stop following vague dreams into the sky. It's the Si that teaches us how to fly straight.

I would love to hear more about ISTJs and the rock beneath their feet. How do you attach yourselves to the stable and familiar without feeling stifled and trapped?


I second that request!
 

Habba

New member
Joined
Jul 22, 2008
Messages
988
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Well, let's see... First and foremost I'm always looking for things that go wrong. By seeing these in advance, I can prepare for the worst. And when the worst comes, it won't be so bad after all. For example, I could never use all my money at once. I always have to left something "for the rainy day". Knowing that I'm well prepared for the worst, I can live without a stress of bad events. At least in theory. :D

When I have a solid and firm ground to build my life, I can build it pretty much the way I want it. Random factors are close to minimum.

But I do sometimes feel trapped, somehow. Not inside a cage, but outside. Might also have something to do with my undeveloped F-side. I've hard time being interested in people and connecting with them.

I don't know about other ISTJs, but I'm not content with "status quo" myself. I need develop. I have a need to constantly improve myself, to be a better person. That requires me to take some risks, and try to break the chains that bound me. I wouldn't want to work more than 5 (tops 10) years at one place, but on the other hand, I wouldn't want to change the town.

One must find the balance between Si and Ne. Ne gives you speed, Si gives you steering wheel. :D
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
2,830
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Well, let's see... First and foremost I'm always looking for things that go wrong. By seeing these in advance, I can prepare for the worst. And when the worst comes, it won't be so bad after all. For example, I could never use all my money at once. I always have to left something "for the rainy day". Knowing that I'm well prepared for the worst, I can live without a stress of bad events. At least in theory. :D

When I have a solid and firm ground to build my life, I can build it pretty much the way I want it. Random factors are close to minimum.

But I do sometimes feel trapped, somehow. Not inside a cage, but outside. Might also have something to do with my undeveloped F-side. I've hard time being interested in people and connecting with them.

I don't know about other ISTJs, but I'm not content with "status quo" myself. I need develop. I have a need to constantly improve myself, to be a better person. That requires me to take some risks, and try to break the chains that bound me. I wouldn't want to work more than 5 (tops 10) years at one place, but on the other hand, I wouldn't want to change the town.

One must find the balance between Si and Ne. Ne gives you speed, Si gives you steering wheel. :D


^I feel the same way. However, these days I would want to work in a place until retirement for job security. I always look to the past to predict what will happen in the future- and so far it has kept me out of alot of trouble. As far as the status quo thing, Habba is right, there needs to be change... although it need not be constant because it will tire any SJ out. I also NEVER spend all of my money. Throw it in the bank and let it collect interest then you have more to spend later! :cheese:

SJ's rely alot on common sense. If it doesn't feel right, it probably won't work. And if there is evidence to support your feelings all the better. It's all about preparation as we REALLY don't like dissapointment. ;)

The other thing SJ's do is that we ALWAYS search out the bad in people. That way we know what to expect. If we see a homeless person on the side of the street, chances are he got himself into some serious trouble with the law...drinking... illegal drugs perhaps? People tend to set themselves up for their own failure and they feel it is up to society to pay for them. That's what charity and church is for! Not to mention the countless homeless shelters and soup kitchens. ;) Now, that's not to say that SJ's are stingy and mean and just don't want to give money away... it's just that we dont want to give ALOT of money away. [throw a dollar out the window and smile!] But I have known people who it seems would give their purses away if they could! But then again, that's why we like the kind hearted/sweet ENFP's!:cheese:
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
2,830
MBTI Type
ISTJ
I did not get to talk to her after the meeting today. However, in an amazing turn of events, I saw her BEFORE the meeting! As I walked in to the main office area, she was sitting at a desk doing paperwork. She looked up and saw me coming and put a big smile on her face... naturally, I smiled back. She packed up her things and said "I'll be right back" and when she came back, we left together. Whilst I was sweating uncontrollably in my leather jacket, trying to think of things to keep the conversation going, we carried on a nice civil conversation for a half hour. It was the longest half hour I have ever been through! However, I did walk her to her car, and told her I would see her at the meeting. She said she wasn't sure if she would make it... but she did. :cheese: Unfortunately, I did what I was afraid to do.... I looked at her... and she me while I was talking. A smile came upon both our faces and I thought I had been "busted".:peepwall: Especially when I made an inside joke about her... luckily, I don't think anyone picked up on it. ;)

I'm assuming all of this is a good thing? What say you, you ENFP's? :D

I'm SO GLAD that meeting is over! :)
 

Wild horses

New member
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
1,916
MBTI Type
ENFP
Yea it sounds pretty good to me! I mean the very fact that she made the meeting is a good sign right?... She obviosuly had to rearrange some stuff and whilst us ENFPs are not that attached to our prior arrangements if it involved leaving people down in the process she definately likes you too!! WAY TO GO !!!
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
2,830
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Thank you all for helping me understand this ENFP. It turns out my instincts weren't too far off after all. Read my conclusion and you shall see what I mean:

Well, my "Si" was right. There WAS something wrong... and it had NOTHING to do with me.

The ENFP had just gotten out of a bad relationship when I first started talking with her. She didn't tell me. 3 weeks of me going crazy trying to figure her out and scheming to get a date with her go by. I run out of options on what to do... I finally break down and tell her the truth of my intentions:

1) I ask what I was doing wrong [she said "nothing"]
2) She tells me she needs to tell me something important [the previous relationship issue] and apologizes for not telling me earlier
3) She said if she hadn't been in that situation, "of course!" she would have said yes to me.
4) she says I'm a great guy, nicest shes ever met..... [what else is she gonna say?]
5) We say goodnight... and here I am.

Recurring themes in this thread:
1) Nice guys ALWAYS finish last. [but that's nothing new]
2) ISTJ's should NOT fall for ENFP's [but it's okay if it's the other way around]
3) ENFP's are the ONLY ones who can MAKE or BREAK an [this] ISTJ. :cry:

Any thoughts on this conclusion?:huh:
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
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ENFP
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784
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sx/sp
awwww.... :hug:

i'm sorry to hear it dave.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
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ENFP
Enneagram
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sx/sp
sure. :)
night.
 

raz

Let's make this showy!
Joined
Nov 11, 2008
Messages
2,523
MBTI Type
LoLz
At least you got closure on your situation. I'm still stuck in the hell that is waiting on my girl to see what she does. Apparently I can't be more forward or as direct as you or I'll scare her off. But, alas, mine isn't an ENFP.
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
2,830
MBTI Type
ISTJ
At least you got closure on your situation. I'm still stuck in the hell that is waiting on my girl to see what she does. Apparently I can't be more forward or as direct as you or I'll scare her off. But, alas, mine isn't an ENFP.

Well, you DO have a point. But I couldn't take her beating around the bush anymore. I HAD to say something! And it didn't scare her off as I expected it would. In fact, she kept trying to comfort me while I was telling her the truth about my intentions because she knew it was difficult for me and how shy I am....typical ENFP! ;)

What is yours?
 

raz

Let's make this showy!
Joined
Nov 11, 2008
Messages
2,523
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LoLz
There was more to it. I talked about it a bit in the pursuing ESFJ thread. I don't want to get more into an ESFJ thing in dave's own ENFP thread.
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
2,830
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ISTJ
So... did she say "no" then?

Come on Habba, even I know what "I just got out of a bad relationship..." means! (I've not heard this line before...at least, not in this context. So I'm inclined to believe she is telling the truth.)
.........but your right, that means no.

^However, it is truly much better than hearing the "I don't want to ruin our friendship. let's just be friends" line. :yes: I've heard that one so many times I don't know what it means anymore....other than... "no, I DO NOT want to date you, stay away!" lol!
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
2,830
MBTI Type
ISTJ
There was more to it. I talked about it a bit in the pursuing ESFJ thread. I don't want to get more into an ESFJ thing in dave's own ENFP thread.

Raz, I think you should start a new thread, that way we can seperate the ISTJ-ESFJ relationship from the ISTJ-ENFP. I'm not sure who Habba directed his last post to, though. :huh:
 

raz

Let's make this showy!
Joined
Nov 11, 2008
Messages
2,523
MBTI Type
LoLz
I'll just move some posts.
 
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