[MBTI General] ISTJ-ENFP Relationship Starter (Help!)

[Amargith]

We're a leaf on the wind, sweety...way more relaxed that way. But sometimes, we will 'manipulate' some stuff to get to the more favorable outcome

And if you were to ask your ENFP-friend for a favor, I'm sure he'd bend over backwards to do so. In my case, my friends often use me as a back-up solution, due to my flexibility. If something goes wrong last minute, they call me. They know I'll free up my schedule any day for them, whatever it is they need
And vice versa, they do me favors, such as let me know when to appear where, and plan out trips together, so I don't have to break my head over that. It's all about using the persons talents the situation asks for


PS: I must admit this thread and the other one, the snow one, are quickly ensuring I'm becoming a fan of ISTJ-humor. You guys are killing me here

 

[d@v3]

They are? nooooooo.



It's kinda true. ISTJs rarely need someone to look after them. Except when we first discover that we too have feelings at the age of 20. It's usually bit of a shock.

LOL! I don't know that is what I was asking Amargith!

Yes, I am regretting that my ENFP buddy is one state away while I am trying to get to know this ENFP girl..... Especially since he is the one who is always telling me I should get a girlfriend because I have always been too busy to have one! So... this situation sucks even more for me! Is it me or do the ENFP's tend to be the relationship experts?! That is what it seems like to me!

 

[Habba]

So... this situation sucks even more for me! Is it me or do the ENFP's tend to be the relationship experts?! That is what it seems like to me!

I think any non-ISTJ is an expert compared to ISTJs. I know many ISTJs who are completely lost when it comes to human relationships.

Then again, they say love is irrational, and who'd better understand irrational things than NFs? Atleast I do believe whatever they have to say.

 

[Amargith]

Dunno about experts, but relationships are a source of constant fascination to me, as organisation is to you guys, and theories are to NTs, I guess. Your ENFP-friend can still help you the way we are doing here, better even prolly, as he's likely to know you way better than we do here. He's probably way better even at estimating what you as a person need. It doesn't hurt to ask

 

[d@v3]

We're a leaf on the wind, sweety...way more relaxed that way. But sometimes, we will 'manipulate' some stuff to get to the more favorable outcome

And if you were to ask your ENFP-friend for a favor, I'm sure he'd bend over backwards to do so. In my case, my friends often use me as a back-up solution, due to my flexibility. If something goes wrong last minute, they call me. They know I'll free up my schedule any day for them, whatever it is they need
And vice versa, they do me favors, such as let me know when to appear where, and plan out trips together, so I don't have to break my head over that. It's all about using the persons talents the situation asks for


PS: I must admit this thread and the other one, the snow one, are quickly ensuring I'm becoming a fan of ISTJ-humor. You guys are killing me here

So your manipulators too?! You mean... you play head games?! Is there anything else I should know before continuing to pursue this ENFP?

Is it true that ENFP guys act completely different that ENFP girls? If that is so then I was wrong before and I HAVE NO IDEA what I'm getting myself into!

Ahh... and when I first came to the forums all I heard were NF's beating up on the poor ISTJ's "dry/poor" sense of humor! We sure proved them wrong!

 

[d@v3]

Dunno about experts, but relationships are a source of constant fascination to me, as organisation is to you guys, and theories are to NTs, I guess. Your ENFP-friend can still help you the way we are doing here, better even prolly, as he's likely to know you way better than we do here. He's probably way better even at estimating what you as a person need. It doesn't hurt to ask

I did ask! Unfortunately it was when he was preoccupied with something new he had just explained to me. So, from my experience with ENFP's, he wasn't giving me his full attention. LOL he told me "yeah, I know who she is... she seems really nice! I think you need to see her more face to face time with her" hence I sarcastically replied "yeah thanks for the news, I've been working on that!"

 

[Amargith]

Our male brethren are definitely somewhat different from us, though the basics are still the same
Manipulation is something we're occasionally accused of yes, but most ENFP's have core values that will prevent them from using it wrongly. Quite the opposite, I see 'manipulation' as a tool to smoothen out communication. I'm for instance likely to try and steer the conversation with you towards what I feel you want to say but are too afraid to say.


Oh and hunny...you don't know what you're getting yourself into, so just get rid of that illusion. I know this is hard for you guys, but just try and enjoy the unfamiliar territory, the lack of control and the adrenaline buzz you get from it


Edit: LOL, he needs more data to really help you out, sweety. Try again now that you can give him more to work with. And he has a point...you need more contact first

 

[d@v3]

Our male brethren are definitely somewhat different from us, though the basics are still the same
Manipulation is something we're occasionally accused of yes, but most ENFP's have core values that will prevent them from using it wrongly. Quite the opposite, I see 'manipulation' as a tool to smoothen out communication. I'm for instance likely to try and steer the conversation with you towards what I feel you want to say but are too afraid to say.


Oh and hunny...you don't know what you're getting yourself into, so just get rid of that illusion. I know this is hard for you guys, but just try and enjoy the unfamiliar territory, the lack of control and the adrenaline buzz you get from it


Edit: LOL, he needs more data to really help you out, sweety. Try again now that you can give him more to work with. And he has a point...you need more contact first

How do you know what we are afraid to say if we don't say it? Is that another manipulative trick?!

So the keyword above is "MOST" ENFP's have the core values...

GREAT, how do I brace myself for THIS impact?! How do I get myself into these situations? I should just go back to the snow thread where I belong!

And getting contact with her is ALOT harder than it sounds...especially if you don't want to come off as a stalker! I got up early and went in to see her but she was nowhere to be found! She seems to be very elusive, but maybe it's just because our schedules are different. I shouldn't have tried to surprise her but I was going to seek retribution for the bench-right-inside-door trick she pulled on me!

 

[Habba]

I did ask! Unfortunately it was when he was preoccupied with something new he had just explained to me. So, from my experience with ENFP's, he wasn't giving me his full attention.

I think it's rather hard to get full attention from ENFPs. They are so used to be with people, especially extroverts, that they might not fully understand what introverts need when they need for attention.

Then again, they are NF, and they know everything!

But now I'll help myself out. Need to be at work in less than 8 hours... Not very SJ to stay awake so late, now is it? This is me being a rebel!

 

[d@v3]

I think any non-ISTJ is an expert compared to ISTJs. I know many ISTJs who are completely lost when it comes to human relationships.

Then again, they say love is irrational, and who'd better understand irrational things than NFs? Atleast I do believe whatever they have to say.

LOL! I agree with you completly Habba!

And no, you shan't be late for work! You will be persecuted by your evil SJ boss!

 

[Amargith]

How do you know what we are afraid to say if we don't say it? Is that another manipulative trick?!

So the keyword above is "MOST" ENFP's have the core values...

GREAT, how do I brace myself for THIS impact?! How do I get myself into these situations? I should just go back to the snow thread where I belong!

LOL, just talk to her and see what she believes in. She should reveal her core values pretty easily, we're usually passionate about them

And...I dunno, I can't explain really how we know. It's not like we have a crystal ball (well, I do, but that's besides the point) or something, and that we're always gonna notice/never gonna be wrong, but something just...feels off when you're avoiding a subject. Often the mood you're trying to project (calm and in control) feels false, and the mood underneath ( sad, happy, however that thing you're hiding from us is influencing you) will be visible and clearly different from the one you're trying to project

You don't brace yourself for it. You remember that she's an NF and likes you and is very likely not to ever intentionally harm you. And you trust her to handle your heart with care

I think it's rather hard to get full attention from ENFPs. They are so used to be with people, especially extroverts, that they might not fully understand what introverts need when they need for attention.

Then again, they are NF, and they know everything!

But now I'll help myself out. Need to be at work in less than 8 hours... Not very SJ to stay awake so late, now is it? This is me being a rebel!

If we're distracted, we sometimes don't fully pick up on how strong a need is. If you tell us that this is something that's important to you though, we will make the time and give you our full attention. NF's don't know everything, but we do like to look all mysterious and all-knowing

Sweet dreams, sweety

 

[d@v3]

LOL, just talk to her and see what she believes in. She should reveal her core values pretty easily, we're usually passionate about them

And...I dunno, I can't explain really how we know. It's not like we have a crystal ball (well, I do, but that's besides the point) or something, and that we're always gonna notice/never gonna be wrong, but something just...feels off when you're avoiding a subject. Often the mood you're trying to project (calm and in control) feels false, and the mood underneath ( sad, happy, however that thing you're hiding from us is influencing you) will be visible and clearly different from the one you're trying to project

You don't brace yourself for it. You remember that she's an NF and likes you and is very likely not to ever intentionally harm you. And you trust her to handle your heart with care




If we're distracted, we sometimes don't fully pick up on how strong a need is. If you tell us that this is something that's important to you though, we will make the time and give you our full attention. NF's don't know everything, but we do like to look all mysterious and all-knowing

Sweet dreams, sweety

You have a crystal ball?! That means you can TELL ME WHAT WILL HAPPEN! So I don't have to worry anymore!

And I don't know if she likes me or not... I mean.... I'm pretty sure she likes me...I mean... well you know what I mean! I don't know if she "LiKeS" me.

I didn't know I even had a heart until I saw her! (After all, i AM and SJ!)How can I trust her with it?!

I can't just waltz up to her and say " I trust you with my heart" because, well, that would probably scare her off permanently and she would probably call the cops on me too for harrassment.

Do I just ask her bluntly "what are you core values?" that's not exactly the romantic gushy stuff you ENFP's like... but it's simple enough for me to understand.

So you pick the feeling that is the opposite of what we are trying to project? Maybe I should try that on her! ... actually... I would get smacked in the face because there is a 99% chance I would be wrong... so scratch that idea.

And there is no way to brace yourself? It sounds very risky to me as ISTJ's don't handle dissapointments well. I am very nervous about this meeting tomorrow...and of course, I'm the keynote ..... but she will be there and I was thinking about approaching her after and trying to talk to her. If I look over at her though I am afraid I will start blushing and smiling and then bad things could happen.

I randomly asked her if she was smiling last night (via text message) and she said she was always smiling. Then I apologized for asking and said I didn't know why I asked and that I was embarrassed and put a sad face in the text. She said it was ok and I shouldn't be and that it made her smile more.

 

[Amargith]

LOL, right, lemme see if I can put this in SJ-language

You don't have to tell her you trust her with your heart. You just do. The fact that she likes you, even as a friend, means she's unlikely to want to hurt you. Hell, even as a stranger she's unlikely to want to hurt you and take extra care not to if she's NF.

Now, I cannot take away your insecurity about rejection. Rejection is just part of the game of Love unfortunately. But I can tell you that she'll not relish in rejecting you and she's prolly gonna feel real guilty if she needs to do so.

As for her core values, just get her talking about what she loves..which with an ENFP, shouldn't be that hard. Ask her about her hobbies, her passions, and notice what she considers important. What's her policy on lying? On cheating? On tolerance? Is she extremely sensitive to animal cruelty? Or is it kids that hold a soft spot in her heart? Etc etc

And we don't pick up on the feeling that's opposite, we pick up on the feeling you're projecting through bodylanguage, tone of voice, the look in your eyes, etc. And if there is no feeling coz you surpress it so hard that we cannot get a read...we get confused and sometimes paranoid. Are you hiding something? Are you not enjoying your time with us? It's like being blind to an ENFP

As for tomorrow, focus on the task at hand, and let your hormones flutter afterwards At least you can prepare that part. Allow her to take care of the rest, aka your personal meeting. Relax, be yourself, and just react to what's going on

 

[d@v3]

LOL, right, lemme see if I can put this in SJ-language

You don't have to tell her you trust her with your heart. You just do. The fact that she likes you, even as a friend, means she's unlikely to want to hurt you. Hell, even as a stranger she's unlikely to want to hurt you and take extra care not to if she's NF.

Now, I cannot take away your insecurity about rejection. Rejection is just part of the game of Love unfortunately. But I can tell you that she'll not relish in rejecting you and she's prolly gonna feel real guilty if she needs to do so.

As for her core values, just get her talking about what she loves..which with an ENFP, shouldn't be that hard. Ask her about her hobbies, her passions, and notice what she considers important. What's her policy on lying? On cheating? On tolerance? Is she extremely sensitive to animal cruelty? Or is it kids that hold a soft spot in her heart? Etc etc

And we don't pick up on the feeling that's opposite, we pick up on the feeling you're projecting through bodylanguage, tone of voice, the look in your eyes, etc. And if there is no feeling coz you surpress it so hard that we cannot get a read...we get confused and sometimes paranoid. Are you hiding something? Are you not enjoying your time with us? It's like being blind to an ENFP

As for tomorrow, focus on the task at hand, and let your hormones flutter afterwards At least you can prepare that part. Allow her to take care of the rest, aka your personal meeting. Relax, be yourself, and just react to what's going on

LOL I asked her if she has ever hit any critters with her car and she said "NO! AND I WOULD FEEL TERRIBLE IF I DID! I would probably stop driving!" I thought she was going to jump out of the phone and strangle me for asking! yikes! So apparently she likes the little animals. lol. How do you feel about them Amargith? I have my assumptions, but please, do tell!

As for the meeting, well, let's put it this way, I'll be happy when it's over. I have spent tonight putting the agenda together and it should last about an hour. So you think it would be wise to approach her after? Assuming she does not run away before I can get to her? HAHA Relax?! LOL! Yeah right!

I'm pretty sure ENFP's can see right through me, I'm not THAT much of an SJ. I find it hard to keep a straight face when being funny...and I tend to joke alot and be humorous.

KIDS?! Dare I say such a word while in her vascinity?!

 

[Amargith]

LOL I asked her if she has ever hit any critters with her car and she said "NO! AND I WOULD FEEL TERRIBLE IF I DID! I would probably stop driving!" I thought she was going to jump out of the phone and strangle me for asking! yikes! So apparently she likes the little animals. lol. How do you feel about them Amargith? I have my assumptions, but please, do tell!

As for the meeting, well, let's put it this way, I'll be happy when it's over. I have spent tonight putting the agenda together and it should last about an hour. So you think it would be wise to approach her after? Assuming she does not run away before I can get to her? HAHA Relax?! LOL! Yeah right!

I'm pretty sure ENFP's can see right through me, I'm not THAT much of an SJ. I find it hard to keep a straight face when being funny...and I tend to joke alot and be humorous.

KIDS?! Dare I say such a word while in her vascinity?!

I wouldn't know why you wouldn't talk to her afterwards...except for the amount of stress it might cause you on top of what you just had If she relaxes you though, it's even better.

I care a lot about animals yes. Do you mind ENFP's being able to read you a little bit? As for the kids-thing, don't tell her you want her to carry your children just yet But keep an ear out, if she likes to work with kids or when you see her interacting with one, you should be able to tell if she has a soft spot for them

 

[d@v3]

I wouldn't know why you wouldn't talk to her afterwards...except for the amount of stress it might cause you on top of what you just had If she relaxes you though, it's even better.

I care a lot about animals yes. Do you mind ENFP's being able to read you a little bit? As for the kids-thing, don't tell her you want her to carry your children just yet But keep an ear out, if she likes to work with kids or when you see her interacting with one, you should be able to tell if she has a soft spot for them

I don't mind them reading me at all .... well.... maybe a LITTLE bit. *pictures himself hooked up to a polygraph*

and ENFP's tend to be the only one's who CAN calm me down... if I go on a rant at the snowplow for going too slow, if an ENFP grabs my hand it's like an instant mood changer. Yes, ENFP's truly can distract me from almost anything Iam doing. I don't know why?

LOL! If I said that to her about the kids, it would be INSTANT SLAP ACROSS FACE ENFP OWNAGE and that would ruin my WEEK... not to mention any chance I MIGHT have had with her. LOL

 

[Habba]

I have a question... how easily do ENFPs change their mind about someone? I mean, if an ENFP begins to dislike somebody, is his/her opinion subject to change after a while? ENFPs are popular bunch, and as such have no need to forgive people. But then again, they are people-person and likes everyone around them...

 

[Lady_X]

well...trying not to speak for all of them which i so often do...unintentionally...sorry bout that but...i am very forgiving. i honestly just accept people as they are...but learning something about someone that i know doesn't jive well with my beliefs or values will just make me put a limit on the type of relationship we'll have but i can still be friends with someone...just maybe not as close as we would be otherwise.

are you talking romantically? or just friends?

 

[Amargith]

well...trying not to speak for all of them which i so often do...unintentionally...sorry bout that but...i am very forgiving. i honestly just accept people as they are...but learning something about someone that i know doesn't jive well with my beliefs or values will just make me put a limit on the type of relationship we'll have but i can still be friends with someone...just maybe not as close as we would be otherwise.

are you talking romantically? or just friends?

+1

 

[Habba]

are you talking romantically? or just friends?

Mayhaps romantically.