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[MBTI General] ISTJ-ENFP Relationship Starter (Help!)

Lady_X

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i'm the same way amaragith...a museum...sculpture garden...japanese garden...anywhere tranquil or with great atmosphere. i always prefer the resturant with the great garden patio or great music...atmosphere puts me in a warm fuzzy mood or something.
 

d@v3

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literal energy buzz yeah...to the point where i can't sleep or wind down for awhile after ....and love museums..anything creative is probably cool...but you know her...i don't so i don't know what i'm talking about with all that.

lol I've only seen her a few times... I don't know her well at all. I thought that was the point in dating... to get to know someone? :huh:
 

d@v3

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Being around people and getting to know them makes us feel alive, as it gives us intense good feelings. The same goes, at least for me, for aestetically pleasing things, so depending on the museum and the interests she has, a museum can add to that. For me, fairy tales and fantasy games and such, for instance, allow my imagination to run wild, creating a more intense, colorfull and vivid image of the world, which is hence aestetically more pleasing to me, and makes me happy. I'd say our main goal is enjoyment and pleasure, therefore we're always gonna try and be happy somehow...

edit:the chocolate chips are a very small example of this, I guess. As they're different shapes, they're always original, hence making them more interesting than something that always has the same boring shape. That makes it sorta 'aestetically pleasing', I guess you could say :D

lol the chocolate chips thing kind of confirmed my ENFP suspicions. One thing she said when we first started talking is that she was sad that she missed going to the botanical gardens in washington while she was there. I was thinking to myself "and... how am I supposed to respond to that?!" :huh: I don't remember what I said but she didnt seem to mind whatever it was. :cheese:
 

swordpath

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Dave, go check out my "Pursuing ENFP" thread in the relationships forum.
 

Amargith

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lol the chocolate chips thing kind of confirmed my ENFP suspicions. One thing she said when we first started talking is that she was sad that she missed going to the botanical gardens in washington while she was there. I was thinking to myself "and... how am I supposed to respond to that?!" :huh: I don't remember what I said but she didnt seem to mind whatever it was. :cheese:

Ask a question :) Ask her what fascinates her so much about botanical gardens. I personally enjoy sharing our motivations and our view on the world, and I'm pretty sure that's true for most ENFPs, so you can never go wrong with it. For that matter, why didn't you just ask her why she likes those chocolate chips being different shapes? There are no stupid questions to us ;) Just make sure you actually want to hear her reply, otherwise she might pick up on it and that's bound to backfire on you :devil:


Edit: oh and maybe it's coz I'm European, but the word 'dating' to me creates expectations. It implies 'stuff'. And since I don't like disappointing people, it'll stress me. I rather just have a casual situation where I get to know the guy at my own pace, without there being any expectations and can focus on what it is that I like about him and why he would or would not be interesting to me, potentially as a mate. *looks at her fellow american ENFP-sisters on this one*
 

Cimarron

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Amargith, I see what you're saying. I've actually thought that would be great, to start a relationship on a very relaxed and...informal level, I guess you could call it. And if things get deeper from there, well good. Less pressure is nice.
 

PinkIceTD

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my honest opinion is that...on that friend level...the types get on great. the trouble comes in when you mix your lives together in that serious relationship way and have to deal with each others cleaning habits and financial priorities...but if you can keep that separate or be tolerant then i think it can work....the thing is that people assume the enfp grows up and behaves like "most" people and it's just not true...haha

YEP.
 

PinkIceTD

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Amargith, I see what you're saying. I've actually thought that would be great, to start a relationship on a very relaxed and...informal level, I guess you could call it. And if things get deeper from there, well good. Less pressure is nice.

good idea and probably the best approach.
 

Lady_X

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^^ agreed...friends for a lil bit first is a good idea...yep.
 

d@v3

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You are all right on that one! My objective is just to go out and have a pleasant (relaxed), non-pressurized evening at a restuarant or at a movie or something that is all. No "stuff" involved.;) Perhaps I will ask her about the chocolate chips thing, but I don't know how to bring up the subject, it would seem random and spontaneious if I just said "so i have to ask... why do you like the shapes of the chocolate chips?" I think she would figure out, just from talking to me that it would be out of my character to ask such a question. But then again, maybe spontaneity is good? :huh:

I'm very good with finances and I don't think we would have a problem with the lives mixing thing, especially with my military-like lifestyle. Now before you ENFP's shun me for saying that, I tell you truth: I am willing to give up ALL or any of the military routines for just ONE of you! :cheese:

Amargith, what do you mean by make sure I want to hear her reply? :huh:
 

Amargith

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You are all right on that one! My objective is just to go out and have a pleasant (relaxed), non-pressurized evening at a restuarant or at a movie or something that is all. No "stuff" involved.;) Perhaps I will ask her about the chocolate chips thing, but I don't know how to bring up the subject, it would seem random and spontaneious if I just said "so i have to ask... why do you like the shapes of the chocolate chips?" I think she would figure out, just from talking to me that it would be out of my character to ask such a question. But then again, maybe spontaneity is good? :huh:

I'm very good with finances and I don't think we would have a problem with the lives mixing thing, especially with my military-like lifestyle. Now before you ENFP's shun me for saying that, I tell you truth: I am willing to give up ALL or any of the military routines for just ONE of you! :cheese:

Amargith, what do you mean by make sure I want to hear her reply? :huh:


I mean, sometimes people ask you something out of politeness while they really don't care about the answer and when you answer, you notice their attention drifting off. Don't do it to score points. Do it coz you're genuinly intrigued by whatever it is you're asking about. And the chocolate chip thing...you can still bring it up with a pondering look, but if you feel it's not you, that's ok. She's bound to say more stuff like that..just react to it then in a similar way ;) If however you come across chocolate chips during your time together..nothing would prevent you from making that comment then too.

I do admire your devotion and I have to go 'awwww that is so sweet' at that last comment :hug:

Good hunting to you
 

d@v3

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I mean, sometimes people ask you something out of politeness while they really don't care about the answer and when you answer, you notice their attention drifting off. Don't do it to score points. Do it coz you're genuinly intrigued by whatever it is you're asking about. And the chocolate chip thing...you can still bring it up with a pondering look, but if you feel it's not you, that's ok. She's bound to say more stuff like that..just react to it then in a similar way ;) If however you come across chocolate chips during your time together..nothing would prevent you from making that comment then too.

I do admire your devotion and I have to go 'awwww that is so sweet' at that last comment :hug:

Good hunting to you

Thanks Beat, I read your thread! The funny thing is, I was thinking about what I would have to do on v-day should this ever actually turn into a relationship. After pondering on the drive home, I came up with the scavenger hunt idea, only on a smaller scale than what you have... and the prize? Why what else?! A heart shaped box of chocolates wrapped in a piece of paper that said something along the lines of "you are a ray of sunshine, on a cloudy day.... oh wait, your a ray of sunshine EVERY DAY!" and of course a movie! ;) But that was just what I came up with, not sure if my scheme would make her happy or not! :huh:

The tricky part of this whole thing is that I NEVER get to see her. I have only seen her a few times and the last time I saw her was last November when we kind of "smiled and looked into eachothers eyes" It was a very quick look and a very quick smile... almost as if we knew what eachother were thinking? It was an odd feeling and it had never happened to me before. We have never actually spoken to eachother though. We text eachother though, last night we texted eachother all night until I'm assuming she felll asleep waiting for me to text her back because when I did I didn't get an answer lol. :)

The other thing is that I was told that she is very quiet (I interpret that as shy) and I myself am VERY shy and quiet. *sigh* it is not helping in this situation. :(

Now we have a [business] meeting set up for next tuesday and I do not know if she will be there and if she is I do not know what to say to her. :doh:
 

swordpath

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Now before you ENFP's shun me for saying that, I tell you truth: I am willing to give up ALL or any of the military routines for just ONE of you! :cheese:
You aren't a true ISTJ then. We don't friggin change. :devil:
 

d@v3

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You aren't a true ISTJ then. We don't friggin change. :devil:

Eight years of the same is enough for me, Beat! If you read the whole thread, you would see that I wasn't always an ISTJ. I may not be as hard-core as you are, but yes, I AM and ISTJ! :)

My siggy is pretty ISTJ, but it is true! ;)
 

entropie

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Just give it up already... You will never be that cool.

The SJs beat you at lenghts :D
 

swordpath

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^lol, entropie. Get in the vent chat, dawg.

Dave, what functions are you borderline with?
 

d@v3

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^lol, entropie. Get in the vent chat, dawg.

Dave, what functions are you borderline with?

S and T but they have actually gotten stronger in that two months? :huh:

Two months ago my S was 12% my T was 38%. Now my S is 33% and my T 50%! So it seems I am becoming a stonger ISTJ?! :shock:
 

Lady_X

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maybe you're just more familiar since taking the test though...i tested infp at first then enfp by just a slight bit and now my e is like 87% or something...so...whatever that means...idk.
 

CzeCze

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Hey, I'm coming to this thread really late but I guess I just wanted to add:

1) Regardless of whether the girl is ENFP or not, asking someone out explicitly is always a good idea. No room for ambiguity and if the person is not interested, it's clear.

2) Don't take it personally if you feel the person is being wishy-washy or ambiguous. Some people are just like that, might not even be related to maturity or how flaky internet communication is in general. She either doesn't get your intention or she is just non-commital.

3) A mature ENFP who has gotten (mostly) over the fear of rejection will make it pretty clear to you when they like you. When I like someone, I not only make it known, but I either pursue or allow the other person to pursue me. The more I like you, the more of my 'A game' I bring. LOL.

4) Some people, especially younger women find it hard to say no clearly. That's why if you don't get a clear 'yes' you may just want to chalk it up to 'no'.

5) EP's flex a lot, if she is an EP, she may just be making up her mind. This process can potentially take forever to never.

6) ENXPs are enthusiastic by nature. ENFPs have a tendency to like people in general. She may genuinely be interested in you, just not romantically interested. It can be confusing for you as the recipient, I'm sure.

So basically, my advice is this: make your move then move on. Don't wait so much on her and instead decide what you want to do and do it. If you don't get a definitive yes or no after a few tries, chalk it up to e-friendship and move on.

PS I have a good friend who is ISTJ. If she is typical of type, you guys aren't very direct and assertive when it comes to dating! You get surprisingly shy.

PPS I think ISTJ and ENFP could make a good combination. But she is more likely to drive you crazy than for you to drive her crazy. If you can handle that and always feel like you have to be on top of things and take care of practical matters, then go for it.
 
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