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[MBTI General] ISTJ-ENFP Relationship Starter (Help!)

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
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2,830
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Well yea something like that! Yes I would be more inclined to actually go then! :D Maybe just message her and be like what you doin tonight?

I tried that! a few hours ago! She said she was busy.. i mean... not just busy but she came up with a reason (having some extended family for dinner). It's believable to me because she said her family keeps her quite busy.

So, I tried to sneak up on her but it didn't work! :doh:
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
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Messages
2,830
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Or maybe even, I would really really like it as long as I can keep the thought in my head... photos, what photos LOL

I am not representing ENFPs well here at all.... And bear in mind that I do describe caricatures :D

^ This post REALLY deepened my confusion, sorry :doh:

Whenever I said sorry though, she was very reassuring like "you don't have to feel awkward texting me that... i dont mind"... that is what she said when i told her it felt awkward asking her out through a text message.
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
2,830
MBTI Type
ISTJ
You ENFP's! You have cat-like speed and reflexes! (like on that movie TOMMY BOY) Always one step ahead!!! I'll catch one of you someday! :azdaja:
 

Wild horses

New member
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Oct 25, 2008
Messages
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MBTI Type
ENFP
I need more, less crazy ENFP representation here to help you out :( Cos I'm a self confessed flake who is gonna leave you with your head in a vice... Cos I mean she could e saying it cos she doesn't want you tofeel bad I just don't know??!! I have said such a thing in the past...
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
2,830
MBTI Type
ISTJ
I need more, less crazy ENFP representation here to help you out :( Cos I'm a self confessed flake who is gonna leave you with your head in a vice... Cos I mean she could e saying it cos she doesn't want you tofeel bad I just don't know??!! I have said such a thing in the past...

Are you saying Amargith may be a better representative? I think your doing quite well as ENFP=Wild and Fun to me! You are certainly posting to that expectation! I don't mind, even though my head is spinning ;)
 

Wild horses

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Yea Amargith is the right Gal in my opinion for the job hahaha.. I don't think I am typing to Description I think i could be doing ENFPs a disservice actually hahah! :D but anyways if she's anything like me you are never gonna know what's in her ehad let her make the plans... sit tight and be a bit more hard to get!
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
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Messages
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MBTI Type
ISTJ
Yea Amargith is the right Gal in my opinion for the job hahaha.. I don't think I am typing to Description I think i could be doing ENFPs a disservice actually hahah! :D but anyways if she's anything like me you are never gonna know what's in her ehad let her make the plans... sit tight and be a bit more hard to get!

But you just said she doesn't like to plan? How can I let her make the plans? I think she might be the one playing hard to get!
 

Wild horses

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UMMM yea I know what you mean... But I'm just saying that this is the best way to avoid going on a 'date' with an ENFP that she doesn't actually realise she's on... That has actually happened to me :( Trust me be a bit distant if she really does like you she will use her powers to get you to ask her out...
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
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sx/sp
you can plan a date...that's not a big deal...just tell her you'd like to go hang out sometime and that she should call you.
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
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Messages
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MBTI Type
ISTJ
UMMM yea I know what you mean... But I'm just saying that this is the best way to avoid going on a 'date' with an ENFP that she doesn't actually realise she's on... That has actually happened to me :( Trust me be a bit distant if she really does like you she will use her powers to get you to ask her out...

Well, we both have a mutual friend, well, sort of. More her friend than mine and I havn't talked to the mutual friend in quite a while (1yr+?) I was thinking of consulting her. I don't know how that would play out and I don't exactly know what to say. But I'm afraid if I do that too soon, it would make things worst. The problem I have is waiting... I don't know how long to wait in these situations.. and in the past, waiting has only accomplished nothing... just an opportunity lost. Should i wait a week? a month? 2 months? before consulting the mutual friend? Or maybe just forget about the mutual friend alltogether?
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
2,830
MBTI Type
ISTJ
you can plan a date...that's not a big deal...just tell her you'd like to go hang out sometime and that she should call you.

How long do I wait before I just forget about it? A week? A month? It's hard for an ISTJ just to say "call me sometime" as there is no real commitment to for the person to call... it's open ended. They could call a year from now, or they could call an hour from now....
 

Lady_X

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well...it's hard for me to speak for other enfp's in this sort of situation...because "i" would probably ask them out if they weren't.
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
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Messages
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ISTJ
well...it's hard for me to speak for other enfp's in this sort of situation...because "i" would probably ask them out if they weren't.

^What? If they weren't what? I totally missed that. :doh:
 

Lady_X

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i mean that "i" have no problem asking someone to hang out...so can't relate to waiting for someone to do it.
 

Anja

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May 2, 2008
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Been married to the same ISTJ for almost 43 years now and I can be pretty ENFP at times. But I think my suggestions would apply to nearly anyone.

The secret is that there's no rules to follow unless she gives you one, which she would be wise to do if she's into personality types. So, if you do connect, you could ask, "Would you please let me know within a week?" etc.

None of us can read each other's mind so trying to guess her motivation is an exercise in futility.

My approach to getting to know people better is straightforward. Although it took some practice at first. I just tell them I like them and would they like to spend time together. This is a bit of a set-up for a blow to the ego so you gotta have a little self-esteem going for you if you use this approach. But it clears the air immediately and neither party ends up playing a guessing game. Or invests a lot of time dancing about trying to read the others' mind.

I just figure people know what works for them in relationships and I can't expect everyone to want to be my friend. It doesn't mean they're hostile, which this woman obviously isn't. Just means that they don't think our personalities are a good fit. I can accept that without a stab to the heart.

So just saying what you'd like doesn't seem unreasonable since she's already chatty and friendly.

"I'd like to go out with you. Do you think we could work out a time and date that will work for us?" Like that. Although I'm sure there are some kinda unspoken rules for this generation of dating folks where you can present that invitation kewl-like. ;) You'll have to get suggestions from others about the language to use.

Try to encourage as much open and honest talk as you can about your mutual expectations of each other.
 

Lady_X

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good advice anja...it's kinda "our thing" to be straight up and honest and communicative...so you can't weird her out with it...you can be as blunt as you're comfortable with.
 

swordpath

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Oct 24, 2007
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ISTx
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5w6
I think erinavery had sound advice that she gave me a little while back:

A lot of times there is a strong initial attraction with ENFP/ISTJ but in the long run there are going to be some significant hurdles in communication and understanding. I haven't been in a romatic relationship with an ENFP but I have a good female friend that's ENFP and I can see how this could be...
 

Lady_X

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thanks beat. i just think it's not one of those easy matches. it most likely will be constant work....but it works for some people.
 
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