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View Poll Results: Selifsh ISFJ?

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  • Yes, I have seen one.

    33 73.33%
  • No, I know one or more ISFJs and they never act selfishly.

    7 15.56%
  • Maybe

    5 11.11%
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Thread: a female ISFJ who acts selfishly?

  1. #11
    now! in shell form Array INA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grungemouse View Post
    I've only known two IRL and... no. They're both selfless. It's almost automatic in their functions, so it's hard to pin-point an exact example; they just... are.

    Both of them are reluctant to share, though. Not that they flat-out say no. It's more of a "Oh... okay then. *suddenly goes into slow motion*" kind of thing. Yeah.
    The odd thing about it is that the one who is more outwardly selfish is also the one who is the biggest bleeding heart person I know. She's an odd mix. She can't pass a beggar without running over to give a dollar or two, and she never met an underdog cause she didn't like. However, she'll also manipulate things to serve her self-interest above all, in sometimes the pettiest things. (And she has no qualms about screwing her friends out of an extra $50 bucks if she can).
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  2. #12
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ Array digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    Really?!
    Would you care to elaborate a little bit?
    I'd be interested in hearing more.
    sure. one example (keeping in mind that this is my experience with the type and that i'm not saying they don't have great qualities too.):

    draining the other person by not being satisfied with a simple "thank you" when they've done something for you. even though they forced themselves on you to do the favor.

    and, showing that dissatisfaction, not by just saying it, but by repeatedly listing off, in what's supposed to appear like idle chit-chat, every single thing they did that day (mostly complaining about things they found themselves doing for others - no matter how small) and then tacking you on to the list in order to make sure you're aware of their "sacrifice", forcing you to be appreciative far beyond what that favor called for.

    for instance, how damned thankful does one have to be for someone picking up a pack of cigs when that person was going to the store any damn way, and insisted that it would make more sense for them to pick them up, since they'll be at the store.

    i'll give you a hint: you'll know when it's enough because they'll stop repeating that list and end the ordeal with something to the effect of, "well, i'm just glad that i could do it for you. i know how much you needed it, and if i didn't care, i wouldn't have done it."

    see the glaring subtlety?
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  3. #13
    Senior Member Array INTJMom's Avatar
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    I know 3 ISFJs and they are all very selfless, spending themselves for other people.
    I don't know them to act selfishly, throw tantrums, or complain.
    I didn't think it was possible.

  4. #14

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    There's plenty of ISFJs who feel selfish, however it's another matter that they will display actions that are blatantly selfish. Why do they do this?

    Possible reasons:
    - Being selfish is a bad thing. Some will go to the extent of feeling bad for feeling selfish.
    - That's the only reason I can think of but... eh bullet point for the sake of bullet point.

    Selfish... self-interest? :/

  5. #15
    No moss growing on me Array Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    I know 3 ISFJs and they are all very selfless, spending themselves for other people.
    I don't know them to act selfishly, throw tantrums, or complain.
    I didn't think it was possible.
    Not speaking for myself, this is what I have experienced from the ISFJs I know. One of them I'm sure she must feel selfish sometimes and she does on occasion hint at being discontented with something but it's hardly noticeable because she immediately downplays those feelings or dismisses them. She also seems very happy for the most part.

  6. #16
    mod love baby... Array Lady_X's Avatar
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    one of my sisters is an isfj and she's selfless a lot...but can be the opposite. i just thought it was middle child syndrome. like she feels like she's getting left out or not getting something that someone else is getting and will kinda do a lil passive aggressive guilt trip style thing to get her way and it usually works because no one else seems to care as much as she does...is that even the same thing?
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  7. #17
    Lex Parsimoniae Array Xander's Avatar
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    The streak to which I refer is not part of the normal profile. My mother was an ISFJ and though she'd probably saw her own arm off to save a stranger she was most definitely capable of selfish thinking... it's because of this that she was so stern about it with me. That parallel was obvious.

    The case to which I'm referring shows no real signs of empathy unless it's a crisis. She's perfectly aware of some social norms and expects people to adhere to them (as per the standard ISFJ type) but certain areas like sharing or being able to be comfortable when she's not in complete control and adored by all around her she is quite cold and mardy.

    Basically if you've seen an ISFJ in a temper, they tend to be more selfish in that they will stick more rigidly to their own sense of right and wrong. In this case her sense of right and wrong has been perverted by a secluded and spoilt childhood with nothing to contradict that she is the best thing since sliced bread. Under these conditions her "right and wrong" are based around herself and not others. It's almost like her empathy is focused upon herself and not others.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  8. #18
    Senior Member Array INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    The streak to which I refer is not part of the normal profile. My mother was an ISFJ and though she'd probably saw her own arm off to save a stranger she was most definitely capable of selfish thinking... it's because of this that she was so stern about it with me. That parallel was obvious.

    The case to which I'm referring shows no real signs of empathy unless it's a crisis. She's perfectly aware of some social norms and expects people to adhere to them (as per the standard ISFJ type) but certain areas like sharing or being able to be comfortable when she's not in complete control and adored by all around her she is quite cold and mardy.

    Basically if you've seen an ISFJ in a temper, they tend to be more selfish in that they will stick more rigidly to their own sense of right and wrong. In this case her sense of right and wrong has been perverted by a secluded and spoilt childhood with nothing to contradict that she is the best thing since sliced bread. Under these conditions her "right and wrong" are based around herself and not others. It's almost like her empathy is focused upon herself and not others.
    I am still confounded.
    I don't see how you and your dad think you have the right to conclude she's an ISFJ.
    It doesn't jive.

  9. #19
    Lex Parsimoniae Array Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    I am still confounded.
    I don't see how you and your dad think you have the right to conclude she's an ISFJ.
    It doesn't jive.
    Same way as I conceded to you being an INTJ m'ducks. Sometimes the type isn't the type of person they actually seem to be.

    Same with me I guess....
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  10. #20
    Emerging Array Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander
    Basically if you've seen an ISFJ in a temper, they tend to be more selfish in that they will stick more rigidly to their own sense of right and wrong.
    I'm pretty sure my mom is ISFJ, and this is how she is. She's usually very sweet and selfless, but if she gets her feelings hurt, no matter if she has said something equally hurtful/wrongheaded, YOU are going to be the one that apologizes, not she. She will also dig in her heels about financial things with my dad, telling him he only wants a certain car because of how he'll look to the community, when in fact it's she who will be embarrassed by having a fancy car. My dad just likes gadgets and new stuff. She kind of rules with an iron fist, under the guise of being sweet and selfless.
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