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  1. #41
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I kind of want to get this and put it outside my room in Chicago whenever I don't want to deal with people/apartment mates 13gb.com Pictures : Funny Floor Mats
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  2. #42
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    Any advice on how to say I don't like you. you're annoying and have no personal space. and her getting the message. I've tried, but I suck at telling people what exactly I think of them. It comes out either to nice and they love me and think I'm the greatest or overly bitchy.
    I'm not sure how old your are but I was guessing highschool age. Everything is hyper real in highschool and sometimes what would amount to a simple "I'm not interested" in your mid-20s with another mid-20s person translates to "HELL NO!"

    So basically there is no way for you to be subtle.

    If you want to be avoidant, tell her you got a boyfriend and you don't have time for your friends anymore.

    Or you can write her a handwritten letter. I just remember a lot of handwritten letters going around when I was in highschool for SERIOUS messages when just telling someone over and over and over didnt' seem to work.

    Sometimes it's really hard to reach someone who is over the top and young like this girl is -- because everythign she is doing is done with serious intent but masked with silliness and histrionics. Not necessarily a bad or wrong way to do things, but definitely young (at heart) and you have to peel through that protective layer of joking around and let her know that you know that she is SERIOUS about wanting your attentino and affection.

    You will really have to impress upon her that you want to have a Serious Discussion. You will have to be completely non-reactive to anything she does or says, sit her down, look her straight in the eye and say, "I'm sorry but I am not queer, I am not interested in you, and if you continue to be touchy feely with me I can't be around you. It's not that I dislike you, but I really need you to respect my boundaries."

    Or is that just totally unrealistic in teenage years? I remember having talks like this with people in highschool...

    And I have to say, wow, kids these days in the states. I went to highschool in Asia and came out in my sophomore year. I crushed out on straight girls like crazy, but of course, was not touchy feely and didn't make advances. But, if she is like a lot of hormonal young people just beginning to understand and explore their sexual identities -- she has a lot of stuff going on inside her including an emotional roller coaster most likely. As I'm sure you are.

    Just something to keep in mind when trying to communicate with her.

    Hope this helps...

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    but without offending them and still getting the message across. So I know this girl most likely ESFJ, I don't like going out with her, as she annoys me and touches me on my inner thigh, often grabs my ass and boobs. She's bi and I know she has a crush on me, I've told her repeatly don't touch me. She becomes annoying and if we're doing something they may be considered illegal she makes it obvious when we go out in public. She calls me all the time I never answer and ims me I went as far as blocking her on facebook, so I could message my actual friends without her being all like "Don't you like me?" *whine* *whine* *whine* now this isn't bad if she didn't ask you the same thing a hundred times and you don't have a chance to answer and when you do she doesn't listen. She also thinks were best friends we've known each other less then year. It takes a lot longer for us to be best friends, hell I don't even consider her a friend. She's more of an aquintance I sometimes hang out with to swim with, but not even doing that as she doesn't seem to get that "Don't touch me their" means don't touch me their.
    Oh and she reacently got a car and I'm afraid she's going to show up at my house and my mom is going to be their and be like come on in. I'm going to be stuck with her and it's going to suck.

    Any advice on how to say I don't like you. you're annoying and have no personal space. and her getting the message. I've tried, but I suck at telling people what exactly I think of them. It comes out either to nice and they love me and think I'm the greatest or overly bitchy.
    Point out all their physical defects. ESFJs are secretly vain and only consider their appearance their real worth.Since they do not respond to "nice, civilized" requests to leave you alone, you got to hit them where their vanity's at. Most likely they have hang-ups about their physical defects- point it out mercilessly and then when they still don't get it, press charges.

  4. #44
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hotmale View Post
    Point out all their physical defects. ESFJs are secretly vain and only consider their appearance their real worth.Since they do not respond to "nice, civilized" requests to leave you alone, you got to hit them where their vanity's at. Most likely they have hang-ups about their physical defects- point it out mercilessly and then when they still don't get it, press charges.
    Gawd, you are MEAN!

    Hahahaa ---

    You know, and ISTJ would be able to handle this by hitting it right on the head. My ISTJ friend is also MEAN. Mean being incredibly blunt and unapologetic about wanting someone's behavior to stop. Also mean meaning very affective.

  5. #45
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    ugh- I was looking at ways to deal with a particularly obnoxious ESFJ and ran across this! I was certain that this chick was the same bitch who won't get the point when I've threateningly said "we're not friends, leave me alone" until you said you're 10 hrs from Chicago!

    I think I'll hit her perhaps! (she sounds like the same person, right down to the whining and tits!)

  6. #46
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Haha well she's lived up in chicago when she was younger. But yeah, probably not the same person. I'm glad to be back in Chicago and out of Memphis, never going home for a whole summer again, I think I might have been crazy to do that last summer.

    But luckily she called me and me forgetting that my phone doesn't hang up when you close and she over heard me bad mouthing her. Haha now she's out of my life, I ended up blocking her on aim, so now she doesn't call me. *note to self* annoying ESFJs should be dealt with by insulting them behind their backs but still with in earshot. I know I should go about this with dignity, and deal with it like a mature adult, but I'm not mature.

  7. #47
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Thanks! I'll have to try that since bluntly telling her to fuck off to her face doesn't seem to work!

    (and as a good ISTP I can be pretty blunt with people if necissary!)

  8. #48
    homo-loving sonovagun anii's Avatar
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    If you don't like her anyway then who cares if she thinks you're a bitch?

    Seriously, it sounds like you've tried several different gentle and kind ways to convey that she is behaving inappropriately and violating your boundaries.

    It's time to get tough. IMO this here is the giant red flag that can no longer be ignored:

    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    she doesn't seem to get that "Don't touch me their" means don't touch me their.
    Sexual harassment by any source - male, female, other - is still wrong. I can't tell your age from your post, although it sounds like you might still be in school. If her behavior is taking place in school, can't you complain to an authority figure? Isn't there a policy about sexual harassment in the schools these days?

    Finally, you asked for advice about what to say. How about this?

    "I don't like you. you're annoying and have no personal space."
    That's about perfect, I'd say.

  9. #49
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    No I'm not in school still. I just tend to be socially awkward and clueless. Unless you mean college aswell.

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    Any advice on how to say I don't like you. you're annoying and have no personal space. and her getting the message. I've tried, but I suck at telling people what exactly I think of them. It comes out either to nice and they love me and think I'm the greatest or overly bitchy.
    You need to work on your command voice. As in, if dogs won't listen to you, certain types of people won't either. Lower, sharper, and from the diaphragm. If you scream as loud as you can, chances are you'll accomplish this without thinking -- but that is unnecessary really, as it can be done quietly.

    I don't know how you figure this is an ESFJ, since she has no sense of physical boundaries. I would expect physical boundaries to be one thing Si (SJ) types do have. Certainly my ESFJ girlfriend has them. Most likely this is an ESFP, whose use of Sensing is more extroverted and "pushy" in nature. They do not respond to protests, only clear, spoken boundaries.

    You may be best off finding help in someone who uses sensing in a more confident way (and understands the concept of boundaries). I'd suggest finding an ESTJ since you are INFP, and that would be your dual type -- most equipped and inclined to defend each other's weakest points.

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