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  1. #11
    heart on fire
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    Sona does have a good point. No means more clearly no when a woman moves away from the guy and stops all action.

    When I was working as a teenager we had this male manager who was always putting his hands all over the girls/women. Most of them would just giggle and simper and say "Stop it, stop it" and he continued to touch them. I would get away from him and if I was working serving customers and could not move away from him, I turned myself to stone and didn't give him any feedback, he stopped bothering me, continued bothering the girls who giggled and squealed for him to stop. I think he flattered himself that they were flirting with him, but I really think they just didn't know how to handle the situation. He was fired by the district manager. Some people are just jerks and will continue to push the envelope as long as they can kid themselves there is some interest there.

    As for prplchknz's question, I think you've exhausted the telling her off nice options. You've just got to be blunt now.

  2. #12
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Another vote for the blunt instrument. She'll resent it, but if she doesn't bounce back she ain't worth the trouble of keeping.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Frankly, I'm not sure how to parse Sona's comments.

    On one hand, I am realizing I do find his outlook offensive. On the other hand, I am trying very hard to listen and put myself in his shoes and see things as if I had grown up in his situation -- I am very aware of how the mentality in another culture can be different, and I am also aware of the man-seduces-woman philosophies espoused in books like "The Game."

    And people do not make it easy: What are men to think when a woman says, "No, no, no" and then finally says, "Yes"? I cannot even comprehend whether that "yes" described by Sona was an actual "yes":
    • Was she just playing hard to get?
    • Was she just not interested, then decided she was later and changed her mind?
    • Did she just get tired of fighting off the pressure and gave up?
    • Was it a conflict between desire and purity, and she finally was overwhelmed?
    • More importantly, will she look back the next day and feel ashamed and disgusted with herself for being so weak or putting herself in the position where a man could wear her down?

    I'm getting a headache.
    Sometimes, you know its a no, when they move away. I mean you can tell by the tone of the voice. But seriously, haven't you ever flirted with a guy, him touching you, and you've been saying no, but really you've meant yes. i.e. you/ve been kissing him and at the same time saying no.

    It very seldom a woman comes out and says "hay I want to have sex with you and takes her panties off for you" only sluts do that. And they never say "no" when theres a shag on the plate.

    If I was a female I'd be classed as a slut.

  4. #14
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Are there likely to be negative ramifications at work or school or something if you make an enemy of her? If not, another vote for "skip the nice."
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  5. #15
    heart on fire
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    Sona, I have never said "no" and not meant it. It doesn't make a woman a slut to be honest with men about wanting or not wanting sex. Maybe things are different were you live, but where I live even in the late 1980s girls had pretty much dropped the whole playing coy thing with regards to sex. It also doesn't mean they never say no. I hate to say it, but some of your posts sort of sound like really cheesy bodice ripper novels.

  6. #16
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sona View Post

    If I was a female I'd be classed as a slut.
    And if I was a male I'd be gay.

    Thanks for your advice everyone. Next time she calls or messages me I'm going to kick her out of my life and make sure she gets the message *pictures herself all mobster dressed walking up to L and going "Bitch this my life get out" while pointing a gun at her*

  7. #17
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sona View Post
    Sometimes, you know its a no, when they move away. I mean you can tell by the tone of the voice. But seriously, haven't you ever flirted with a guy, him touching you, and you've been saying no, but really you've meant yes. i.e. you/ve been kissing him and at the same time saying no.
    Actually... no.

    (That's why I am having some trouble understanding your interpretations of people's behavior!)
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Actually... no.

    (That's why I am having some trouble understanding your interpretations of people's behavior!)
    yeah, it's not generally acceptable to say one thing and do another.
    I don't wanna!

  9. #19
    Senior Member girlnamedbless's Avatar
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    I agree with mostly everyone else on here. You have to be firm. Sometimes, I just don't get it when people are trying to tell me something *coughNPscough*
    But yeah, I don't know if there's a real point in sugarcoating anything. Perhaps you shouldn't use the words "fuck off," but more like "Listen, I don't feel comfortable with you touching me, I'm not comfortable around you, we shouldn't hang out so much anymore." You have to be direct, or she just won't get it.
    I bet they'll put something in the air tonight, just to light your face.

  10. #20
    Senior Member reason's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Actually... no.
    By 'no' should I assume you mean 'yes'?
    A criticism that can be brought against everything ought not to be brought against anything.

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