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  1. #61
    Senior Member Amira's Avatar
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    For me I have to admit Anja's right - Even though it's a struggle for me to praise others a lot (doesn't mean I don't admire them, though) I do really like getting "frequent and lavish praise." It can be a motivator for normal tasks, but more than that it will get you a lot of loyalty/willingness to do extra from me. (sounds pathetic)

    And yeah, too much thinking out loud makes me confused. I tend to be such a "say it and follow through" person that I still have a hard time listening to one of my very N friends talk. She is constantly coming up with impractical ideas but I bite my tongue because I know she is just starting to think about it.

  2. #62
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    yeah...that's my istj experience too. H U G E need for appreciation. they typically do way more then is expected of them. they're lil busy bodies and really all they want is for someone to notice and say thanks....weird creatures you.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #63
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    Sounds pretty good so far, Alcea Rosea. Hope things go well on this project.

    Anja, you think so? I mean, I guess the praise "energizes" me, but I would've done the work anyway. Wouldn't I?
    I don't know you well, Cimarron, but as an ISTJ, I can imagine that you would do the work anyway.

    You know I'm only talking about my particular pet ISTJ. And what works best for us.

    There is a pattern he has which I've noticed. He is eager to do the work and takes over nearly any situation where the opportunity is open. If this goes on for too long without recognition of his efforts he "burns out." Then he finally expresses his needs. And it comes out like this: "Why do I do all the work around here and never get any thanks?"

    It doesn't occur to him to ask for his emotional needs until they are crashing down on him. This is a set-up for him to become discouraged. He rarely remembers to ask if I need help as well.

    Because I know him well I sometimes anticipate his emotional needs and provide a little support as he goes to help him out. I might add, that sometimes I also get tired of doing this without him remembering to ask for it. That irritation works both ways. I might say something like, "Well, why didn't you say you needed some assistance/appreciation?"

    But, yes, he would do the work anyway. He truly is a good and helpful person. And then he possibly could begin to feel resentful.

    He's an INFP's dream I admit. And I need to be careful that I don't take advantage of his generosity with his time. It's easy to take him for granted because of his devotion to duty.

    I might also add, that sometimes it's irritating to have him jumping into my projects almost on automatic pilot without checking with me first to see if I actually want or need help! The balance thing.

    I remember to verbalize these possible potholes ahead of time and he usually only sees what needs to be done and does it. I'll hear something like, "Stop talking and let's git 'er done." Heh.

    Human interaction isn't much valued by him until he bumps into it.

    When we work as a team it's pretty awesome. When we don't, it's an argument in the making.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  4. #64
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alcea rosea View Post
    Thanks, it really helps!
    I think the point there is that bolded up there. I have seen this in that ISTJ. I asked him to do something and he was almost doing it straight away. He does question things if he doesn't think it'll work. But that's totally ok. I can change the way I'm going in 1second. So, I don't mind about being right, I just mind about things going smoothly.

    I heard him talking about his boss and it seems he respects authorities quite a bit (I don't by the way ). I'm not his boss but he has to do things for the project I'm working in, so I need to ask him to do stuff.)

    I was wondering how to ask him to do things:
    Is it straightforward way: Do this and this?
    Or does he want explantaion: Do this because of this?
    (I myself need to always understand why I do things.)

    Or would he appreciate me putting it this way:
    Would you be so kind and do this as soon as you have time for it?
    Honestly, based on my reaction, I would suggest to ask him the straightforward way. I would urge myself on more if I was told to do a certain thing in a straightforward way instead of a sympathetic way. I guess you could give a small explanation if need be. I always like people to get to the point, so keep the explanation brief for him. Keep any more questions coming.

  5. #65
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    it's really sweet how much you like yours anja.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #66
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    it's really sweet how much you like yours anja.
    Yeah she's inspiring.

  7. #67
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Thanks for the compliments, Guys.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

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