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  1. #11
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    try human flesh, they feed on it

    Quote Originally Posted by beyondaurora View Post

    My friend is in her early twenties, a good student, and has never dated. However, recently she met someone and has fallen in love. Their relationship is completely pure - there has been absolutely no physical intimacy (not even a kiss!).
    Pure?
    that's not pure, that's messed up.
    purity is a bs used by religious zealots to keep their women 'safe'.

    I wish humanity could grow up or something.
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

    Theory is always superseded by Fact...
    ... In theory.

    “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.”
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    "Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart."
    Mencius (Meng-Tse), 4th century BCE

  2. #12
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by beyondaurora View Post
    Her sister told her not to make the same mistake she has.
    Mmm..that doesn't help.

    And the problem is also that if the relationship for whatever reason doesn't work out, she's still out of her fathers grace and he gets to say 'I told you so'. She should be really sure this guy is worth it, or really be ok with not caring what dad thinks.

    Personally, I'd tell my dad to get a life. But I have a bad relationship with my dad and I also know how much you can suffer from that (and my dad is difficult but he doesn't refuse to see me for what I've done). I'm also wondering what this ESTJ is thinking...I mean..does he honestly expect his daughter to be a 30 year old virgin some day? I guess it could be because he's scared of her grades falling if she gets too involved in the relationship. Maybe she should check if that is the real dealbreaker for him. If so, she might be able to broker a deal: if her grades drop, she doesn't see her boyfriend anymore till they're up again.

    If he's just being unrealistic about the needs of a grown woman..then he should've stuck her in a nonnery when he had the chance. Also, where's the mom in all this?
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  3. #13
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by beyondaurora View Post
    My only fear is that if she makes this decision based on this relationship, and not necessarily when she is really ready to do so, she will a) ruin her relationship because of resentment and guilt, which will cause b) her to run back to her father's arms with the mentality that he was right all along.
    That is cause for concern. Maybe that's when you could come in to play as a supportive friend?

  4. #14
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
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    Wait so am I to assume that this girl is still in school? Well her parents are probably paying for it right? Just let the father have his way (well let him think he is) until she is done with school.

  5. #15
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    ^It's her dad.


  6. #16
    Senior Member simpleamazement's Avatar
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    I'd find a way to get out of that house. My ESTP brother found a way to get out of our house.

    ESTJ's soft spot is their ego.

    Say something like, "Dad you're such a great father, and I appreciate everything you do for me."

    They're not really aware that they hurt people's feelings.

    Be very direct with him.

    What I would say or maybe even write is, "Dad, it's only only fair that I date this man. I am a hard working student, and I deserve to spend some free time with him. I will not quit school, you have my word on that. This is all that I ask for, a chance."

    Signed,

    Your Daughter

  7. #17
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beat View Post
    ^It's her dad.


  8. #18
    Member hakuna's Avatar
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    Would the father prefer an arranged marriage? Why did she tell her father that her boyfriend wasnt a virgin and why does it matter!? God allowed multiple wives in the bible and Im sure those men werent virgins. Solomon had 700 wives not including the concubines.



    I would suggest appealing to his Te. Try explaining that its healthy for women of her age to be dating. This could actually improve her performance in school! Maybe give examples of family friends who are successful and are also involved in relationships. Possibly give an example of when your friend has taken on an extra hobby or interest (anything really that her father thought might be distracting) that resulted in something positive. I could see the fathers Si kind of working against the situation. It seems like hes placed her in the sweet innocent daughter archetype and while its true that shell always be his daughter she plays many other roles: student, friend, sister, and eventually girlfriend and wife. I think its safe to assume that hes being honest about his personal objections. ESTJs are usually pretty straightforward people. I would suggest that the father and boyfriend meet before just giving up. If at all possible fool the father into thinking that hes in control. Since it seems like your friend doesnt want to deceive her father maybe they could meet and the father could arrange the setting or activity. Just make sure he thinks hes dominant. In terms of Ne, he SHOULD be able to understand the perspective of your friend, but it seems like hes having problems with this. Another thing to consider would be his Fi, her father probably feels hurt about the estranged daughter (even though he caused the estrangement) and feels threatened about the prospect of another man being in his daughter's life. He needs to know that hell always be important to your friend no matter what.

    I hope the father comes to his senses.
    Out of curiosity, what is your friends type?

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