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  1. #1
    Member fishingdude's Avatar
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    Default ISTJs: Is love worth the trouble?

    This thread is directed at ISTJs.

    Iím on the fence about the topic of love. Iím 26 and still havenít been in a relationship. Itís not because Iíve tried and failed with girls, itís because Iíve never tried at all. When a pretty girl smiles at me, I usually look away. My life is ruled by my inner drive to have everything in order. I feel I need to plan everything out. Hereís a simple summary of my life plan, and how itís gone so far.
    1. Finish school Ė check
    2. Finish college Ė check
    3. Find a job related to my degree Ė check
    4. Move up the career ladder to a satisfactory position Ė in progress
    5. Build a house Ė currently saving money
    6. Find a girlfriend Ė must finish previous steps before proceeding
    7. Depends on how 6 goes

    As you can see, I need my ducks in a row. Itís like I canít handle more than one thing at a time so I donít allow any time in my life for the unexpected. I live by routine and stick with what works. I feel out of control if I don't.

    This brings me to the business of love. Itís something thatís foreign to me and frankly scares the hell out of me. I see all the stupid things people do for love and I think thereís no way I would do anything like that. It makes me uneasy to think that people so easily abandon all reason just as soon as their hormones kick in. No, Iím not immune to itís effect, though I wish I was. Iíve caught myself in the heat of the moment a few times. Luckily, I realized how foolish I was acting and stopped.

    Sure, I appreciate the idea of love, romance, and all that. What I donít appreciate is gambling on an emotion, losing, and then regretting it forever. Itís a high risk game and Iím wondering if itís really worth it.

    Why is society so desperately pressuring us into finding love? You canít turn on the TV or listen to music without getting hammered by someoneís view on love. I know I certainly feel the pressure. The two least favorite questions I hate to hear are ďWhen are you going to find a girlfriend?Ē and ďAre you ever going to get married?Ē.

    When I weigh being single vs. being in a relationship, I usually side with being single. The only thing that would make me think otherwise is finding the elusive/mythical soul mate, however youíre supposed do that.

    What I would like to know from my fellow ISTJs is, is love worth the trouble? How have your relationships gone? Have you had many of them? If youíre married, are you satisfied? Did you make the moves or did your spouse have to initiate all the advances? Is it worth all the stress? Do you wish you were still single?

    I know weíre duty fulfillers, but that doesnít necessarily mean we want the duties to begin with.

  2. #2
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Are you asexual?
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  3. #3
    Member fishingdude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    Are you asexual?
    No. Are you an ISTJ?

  4. #4
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    No, do you ever feel/get lonely?
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  5. #5
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fishingdude View Post
    Sure, I appreciate the idea of love, romance, and all that. What I donít appreciate is gambling on an emotion, losing, and then regretting it forever. Itís a high risk game and Iím wondering if itís really worth it.
    If you are unwilling to allow yourself to become emotionally vulnerable, you will never fall in, or find love.

    Perhaps you should find a woman who is emotionally detached, and you both can cohabitate together, safely, and peacefully.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  6. #6
    Member fishingdude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    Do you ever feel/get lonely?
    A little bit when I'm bored, but I don't get bored often enough to get overwhelmingly lonely.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    I don't think it's so bad that you want you life sorted out before you commit.
    As for "is it worth the trouble?", what trouble? You're taking your cue from singing drama queens who indoctrinate the world with their tragic soap opera version of love.
    You'll meet the right person at the right time and it'll work.
    yesiknowimamiserablegrouchnowgoawayovmeleor

    It's Mizzz ST, thank you...

  8. #8
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    My closest friend ISTJ is EXACTLY like this. She tries to put the goal of love in the middle. (yes, its a goal for her. everythings a goal. ) And it seems to take too long and then she continues with another goal instead and love fails. She can't do two things at once. On top of the fact that love seems almost an embarrassment to her, since it lacks control.

    Sure, I appreciate the idea of love, romance, and all that. What I donít appreciate is gambling on an emotion, losing, and then regretting it forever. She completely fits this description. Its really puzzling to me, since if you don't try, it will never happen. With this method, the chances of finding love is zero percent. You logical ISTJ's should know that!

    When I weigh being single vs. being in a relationship, I usually side with being single. The only thing that would make me think otherwise is finding the elusive/mythical soul mate, however youíre supposed do that. Its not a straight forward process like you are used to.

    I know weíre duty fulfillers, but that doesnít necessarily mean we want the duties to begin with

    I have trouble believing that you don't want the "duty" of falling in love. Based on everything you've said, you're just afraid of failing. (I'll leave it to the other ISTJ's to say whether its worth failing or not.)

    Anyways, these are the thoughts that i'm constantly feeding my ISTJ friend. I can get her to go on dates, but she hasn't found true love yet.

  9. #9
    Member fishingdude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    If you are unwilling to allow yourself to become emotionally vulnerable, you will never fall in, or find love.
    Very true, thus why I'm asking if it's even worth it.

    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    Perhaps you should find a woman who is emotionally detached, and you both can cohabitate together, safely, and peacefully.
    Where do you find them at, in the yellow pages?

  10. #10
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Do what my ISTJ did: Find yourself a fun, patient INFP. (Then just before you die slip into the conversation that, incidently, you loved her. She'll be thrilled that you put it on your list of things to do before you die.)

    Yeah, I pretty much think he'd say it was worth it. Actually he does say that when he isn't too busy holding up the world single-handedly.

    Edit: And, no, he didn't want the job of holding up the world single-handedly, but dammit, he's got it and he's gonna do the best job possible!
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

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