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  1. #51

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    I'm not in a relationship right now and i'm OK with that. But, ultimately, I don't want to be alone. Sure, I could live with it and not fall apart or anything. But again, I REALLY don't want to be alone forever.

  2. #52
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz1337 View Post
    That smiley makes my security feel threatened.

    ExFJs make me want to cry. Why?
    In a good way or a bad way?

    Quote Originally Posted by fishingdude View Post
    Your dad seems to be a wise man. You're probably right, love is unpredictable. Today I could decide to shun every woman I meet's affection from now on. Tomorrow, God could throw the one in my path that makes my knees weak and make me question everything. I would like to believe this could happen. I would like to believe that in the end, it will all work out. It's not easy for me to believe that though. It would be nice not to think about it.
    Quote Originally Posted by fishingdude View Post
    Why does it matter? Rajah, sometimes ignorance is not bliss. If I'm missing out on something special, I want to know about it and I want to know as soon as possible. I don't want to wake up 30 years from now and realize what I missed out on. And you know what, I honestly can't say that I am presently happy. The only times in my adultish life that I can recall being really happy is when I liked a girl. So maybe there's my answer right there. Forget the safe road and damn the consequences, love is more interesting.
    It's best to be optimistic about romance so long as you employ patience along with it. One without the other doesn't really cut it.

  3. #53
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fishingdude View Post
    Why does it matter? Rajah, sometimes ignorance is not bliss. If I'm missing out on something special, I want to know about it and I want to know as soon as possible. I don't want to wake up 30 years from now and realize what I missed out on. And you know what, I honestly can't say that I am presently happy. The only times in my adultish life that I can recall being really happy is when I liked a girl. So maybe there's my answer right there. Forget the safe road and damn the consequences, love is more interesting.
    I find it interesting that you're having this inner conflict right now. Last week, my ISTJ asked me the precise question you originally asked. It came down to risk factor; does the desire outweigh the risk? And after listening to all of my ENFP answers that ^ is what he concluded.

    However, he's still currently analyzing that conclusion...
    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I call it ENFP crazy eyes.
    "Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just comes--none knows whence--and cannot explain itself." -Mark Twain, Eve's Diary

    "Laughter which cannot be suppressed is catching. Sooner or later it washes away our defences, and undermines our dignity, and we join in it -- ashamed of our weakness, and embittered against the cause of its exposure, but no matter, we have to join in, there is no help for it." Mark Twain

  4. #54
    No me digas, che! Recoleta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fishingdude View Post
    I believe if I truly wanted to be in a relationship, I could be. This need for order in my life has prevented me from doing so thus far. I like to have my bases covered before proceeding with anything, else I feel out of control. There's girls in my life that I could definitely go out with, I just don't feel it's the right time. I don't like to do things half-way and I just don't want to get into it unless I can give it my all. If I can't finish what I start, then it's all just a waist of time for everyone involved.

    I look at love as an investment. And as I do with any investment, I research it thoroughly. I weigh the risks vs. the rewards. And that's all I'm doing in this thread.
    Coming into this thread a little late...but the above quote (especially the bolded part) struck a chord with me that I wanted to comment on. Falling in love doesn't necessarily have to be this crazy, out-of-control, all-or-nothing experience. A guy this past summer who wanted to date me made it this way, and it was terrible. He tried to jump into meshing our lives together and was really needy. It took him about 4 days to drive me insane before I literally cut as much contact as possible. I now know, that that type of relationship is not something I want.

    I think part of this problem is knowing exactly the things that you want and need in a relationship, and then finding those qualities in someone else. It involves knowing yourself to the point where you can maintain your own autonomy while at the same time allowing another to get close to you simply because being with them enhances the good parts of your life and the both of you derive enjoyment from the other's presence. I try not to look at love as this huge life-changing event (at least not initially). Take it in stride, and enjoy learning the ins and outs of someone else's life as they learn about you as well.

    Despite the fact that I can't officially say I am in a relationship with this person since we haven't defined it ourselves, I have been close to an INTJ for about 6 years now, and our relationship has always been virtually stress-free and involves a lot of 1-on-1 time in which we have gotten to know each other fairly well. He's rational, not clingy, smart, calm, and easy to be around without becoming irritating. I'm not saying he's the one, but he is the kind of person that I could see myself with. My relationship with him has on occasion been a little awkward, and took a very long time to develop, but it's been totally worth it.

  5. #55
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hmm View Post
    In a good way or a bad way?
    Bad. ENFJs want to speculate about how my problems affect other people or figure out why I'm not as excited as them. ESFJs want to impose their social standards on me....all the time. Watching ESFJ women try to be this structured person while being friendly and compassionate just makes me want to slap them. It's not that I think it's bad, it just doesn't feel genuine, more like a means to an end.

    That's why I'm looking for an ISFJ. They're so close to us that it makes me not feel threatened. One specific ISFJ, even though she's way too old for me, I've been getting to know the last few weeks. We click so well, it leaves me wondering if it's too good to be true that I've found someone I really understand and that understands me.

    It's just something about ISFJs, They just form such a raw connection with me that I feel so secure and confident around them. It's like, nothing can go wrong. Talking to an ISFJ usually leaves me really emotional, like I want to cry. It's not from a bad thing though. They're just so soothing that I can't believe something like that is happening.

    Anyway....yeah....I don't know if other ISTJs get the same way around ISFJs, but that's just how they affect me. I want one to call my own.


  6. #56
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Call me silly, but I have a lot of faith. I think you'll get what you want, Raz.

  7. #57
    Senior Member batumi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    I wasn't aware happiness was relevant to personal growth... I'd say that the challenges of loving someone shapes us in new and better ways, but clearly it is not for the risk-averse. If you're content with gaining nothing, then risk nothing.

    Absolutely. When it comes to relationships, no pain = no gain.
    I am very fortunate to be spending time with an ISTJ who is wiser
    than many on this thread, I think, or perhaps just more mature.

    “Whatever one does not live, lives against one.”
    Carl Jung

  8. #58
    Senior Member batumi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkIceTD View Post
    I find it interesting that you're having this inner conflict right now. Last week, my ISTJ asked me the precise question you originally asked. It came down to risk factor; does the desire outweigh the risk? And after listening to all of my ENFP answers that ^ is what he concluded.

    However, he's still currently analyzing that conclusion...
    So hmm, what does this mean exactly and why have you not IMed me about this? I miss you.

  9. #59
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by batumi View Post
    Absolutely. When it comes to relationships, no pain = no gain.
    I am very fortunate to be spending time with an ISTJ who is wiser
    than many on this thread, I think, or perhaps just more mature.

    “Whatever one does not live, lives against one.”
    Carl Jung
    Uhh, thanks for the patronage?


  10. #60
    Senior Member batumi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz1337 View Post
    Uhh, thanks for the patronage?
    Raz,

    How old are you? I meant the 'more mature' sincerely.

    You will forgive me, won't you?

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