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  1. #41
    Senior Member Grayscale's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    That's always kind of a general tendency with me (us?), to keep as much as possible in my life under control.
    i understand. however, on one hand, we all have our natural tendencies, on the other, we have to consider that often times the only thing standing between us and happiness is ourselves. so more often than not, it is not a matter of changing your nature, but simply changing your perspective.

    why not expand your criteria of "control" to include your other needs besides the practical aspects of your life? let's imagine that instead, you are trying to control how happy and satisfying your life is... do you still think you are doing a good job of maintaining control?

  2. #42
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grayscale View Post
    i understand. however, on one hand, we all have our natural tendencies, on the other, we have to consider that often times the only thing standing between us and happiness is ourselves. so more often than not, it is not a matter of changing your nature, but simply changing your perspective.
    Yes, I agree with you in principle. I just hoped you would understand, which you did. I meant that the "tendency to make sure our lives are under control" was our starting point. Our default mode, I guess.
    Last edited by Cimarron; 12-13-2008 at 06:37 PM. Reason: explanation
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  3. #43
    Resident Snot-Nose GZA's Avatar
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    Control... this is probably a rediculous thing to ask, but have you ever tried losing control, just for one day? Ever had "too much to drink" or took a wrong turn in a town you are unfamiliar with? Ever miss your bus stop?

    What you are saying recalled this scene from Fight Club:

    YouTube - Car Ride - Fight Club

    I don't have any answers for you, I havn't had any real relationships either, but sometimes chaos is marvie!

  4. #44
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    I don't think this is really an issue of control. I believe it's more of an issue of not having found the right person who inspires you yet. It's not so easy for every person to be inspired towards love. This may be seen as being picky, but it is what it is. "You can't squeeze blood out of a turnip" as my ISTJ Dad used to say. When you find the right person (hopefully you will), all of these timelines and fears will melt away and you will feel compelled to let love happen. And it will be wonderful for you.

  5. #45
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    That smiley makes my security feel threatened.

    ExFJs make me want to cry. Why?


  6. #46
    Member fishingdude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GZA View Post
    Have you ever tried losing control, just for one day?
    It's a difficult thing to explain when I lose control. I get really angry, then I start getting bigger, and my skin turns green too.

    Seriously though, I don't like who I am when I lose control of a situation. I automatically go into panic mode, then start imagining the worst case scenarios.

    Are there any ISTJs out there that are currently in a successful relationship? I'd like to hear your side of the story too.

  7. #47
    Member fishingdude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hmm View Post
    I don't think this is really an issue of control. I believe it's more of an issue of not having found the right person who inspires you yet. It's not so easy for every person to be inspired towards love. This may be seen as being picky, but it is what it is. "You can't squeeze blood out of a turnip" as my ISTJ Dad used to say. When you find the right person (hopefully you will), all of these timelines and fears will melt away and you will feel compelled to let love happen. And it will be wonderful for you.
    Your dad seems to be a wise man. You're probably right, love is unpredictable. Today I could decide to shun every woman I meet's affection from now on. Tomorrow, God could throw the one in my path that makes my knees weak and make me question everything. I would like to believe this could happen. I would like to believe that in the end, it will all work out. It's not easy for me to believe that though. It would be nice not to think about it.

  8. #48
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fishingdude View Post
    Your dad seems to be a wise man. You're probably right, love is unpredictable. Today I could decide to shun every woman I meet's affection from now on. Tomorrow, God could throw the one in my path that makes my knees weak and make me question everything. I would like to believe this could happen. I would like to believe that in the end, it will all work out. It's not easy for me to believe that though. It would be nice not to think about it.
    And then there are the screwed up things where a girl in your life that you've written off suddenly starts throwing you for a loop.


  9. #49
    Reigning Bologna Princess Rajah's Avatar
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    My guess is that you'll eventually find someone who will fit into your conception of what a mate should be. That concept is clearly going to be a lot different from what I (XNTP) consider ideal, but that's hardly a big deal. It's like your list thing; having that would make me feel incredibly suffocated, but I understand why it works for you.

    I guess my question for you is why it matters? If you're happy with your life as it is right now, and you're not feeling any internal pressure to share your life with anyone else, then screw everyone who wants to make it a big deal for you. If, however, you're deliberately holding back simply because you're afraid of change or discomfort, then I'd recommend reassessing your situation. Sometimes life requires risk for reward. Yes, even for ISTJs.


    (I know you called on ISTJs to dispense the advice, but I couldn't help myself. Anytime I'm procrastinating, this is what happens.)


    I... suppose. Yeah!

  10. #50
    Member fishingdude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rajah View Post
    I guess my question for you is why it matters? If you're happy with your life as it is right now, and you're not feeling any internal pressure to share your life with anyone else, then screw everyone who wants to make it a big deal for you.
    Why does it matter? Rajah, sometimes ignorance is not bliss. If I'm missing out on something special, I want to know about it and I want to know as soon as possible. I don't want to wake up 30 years from now and realize what I missed out on. And you know what, I honestly can't say that I am presently happy. The only times in my adultish life that I can recall being really happy is when I liked a girl. So maybe there's my answer right there. Forget the safe road and damn the consequences, love is more interesting.

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