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  1. #31
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beat View Post
    If it isn't a life priority, then it it doesn't sound like it is worth the trouble. You seem to have answered your own question.
    Yes, I was thinking about "priority", too. I say that a lot now: "Finding a girlfriend just isn't a high priority for me right now." Back in high school, I heard girls saying that all the time (to me, but also about other people), and I didn't quite get it. Now, I think I understand it a little better.

    Sure, fishingdude, lots of people will think it's "strange" that you've put things in this priority, or that you're not trying to handle more of them (those things on your checklist) at one time, but what can you do about that?

    -----------------------

    By the way, the trouble with "starting" a relationship is not just with girls and girlfriends for me, but also with friends in general. It's obviously more difficult when you're attracted to a person, but I'm still nervous about how to make friends of either gender, and usually stick with the course of least action and "exposure".


    And actually, something that ArbiterDewey and I discussed on another thread was that another way we could "deal" with this is by not investing so much "emotional energy" into a relationship. Meaning, just go out on dates, see what happens, and if something good happens, then that's great. If it builds into a good relationship, that's fine, but there's no need to force it.

    In other words, set your expectations to zero. Not your standards, your expectations. This is probably not "healthy", but it is a way to "deal" with it. Some may also say that it's not really possible to get rid of most expectations...and that may be true. Anyway, there are other options besides this one.
    Last edited by Cimarron; 12-13-2008 at 02:51 PM. Reason: relevant to my last post and others'
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  2. #32
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Didn't Doug get Patti Mayonnaise at some point?


  3. #33
    Member fishingdude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    "Finding a girlfriend just isn't a high priority for me right now."
    I couldn't have said it better. I wonder if it will ever be a high priority.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    set your expectations to zero
    Good advice, but this is definitely much easier said than done. As soon as something new in my life pops up, I analyze it to death. It's almost like every new thing that comes along is a problem that needs to be solved, so my brain just won't let it go until it comes up with some sort of solution. I can't just not think about it.

  4. #34
    Member fishingdude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz1337 View Post
    Didn't Doug get Patti Mayonnaise at some point?
    I believe so. Now I have the theme song stuck in my head...

  5. #35
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beat View Post
    If it isn't a life priority, then it it doesn't sound like it is worth the trouble. You seem to have answered your own question.
    i agree with this.
    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I call it ENFP crazy eyes.
    "Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just comes--none knows whence--and cannot explain itself." -Mark Twain, Eve's Diary

    "Laughter which cannot be suppressed is catching. Sooner or later it washes away our defences, and undermines our dignity, and we join in it -- ashamed of our weakness, and embittered against the cause of its exposure, but no matter, we have to join in, there is no help for it." Mark Twain

  6. #36
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fishingdude View Post
    I couldn't have said it better. I wonder if it will ever be a high priority.


    Good advice, but this is definitely much easier said than done. As soon as something new in my life pops up, I analyze it to death. It's almost like every new thing that comes along is a problem that needs to be solved, so my brain just won't let it go until it comes up with some sort of solution. I can't just not think about it.
    So there ARE other people like me! I think it's the extraverted thinking. I have a certain situation going on right now that I think I'm over-analyzing, but I just won't rest until I find some closure on it.


  7. #37
    Senior Member Grayscale's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fishingdude View Post
    I need my ducks in a row.
    how come?

    seems like you're afraid of taking risks because you think you can control everything in your life. maybe you can control a lot of it, but unless your goals are extremely low, you are going to have to risk loss in order to gain... you probably already have to some degree without thinking about it.

    you are stuck on the cost-benefit analysis of love... however, i do not think you understand what you stand to lose. what you stand to lose is not embarrassment from being turned down, nor is it hurt feelings from over-investing yourself in a relationship to soon. what you stand to gain is not casual affection or even sex, nor the social status of being coupled. only those who have loved deeply and then lost know, but you have never had a relationship.

    you think you are making the right decision, but if you think it isn't worth it, then i say you dont have the experience to know what youre missing.

  8. #38
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    That's always kind of a general tendency with me (us?), to keep as much as possible in my life under control.

    Quote Originally Posted by Grayscale
    you are stuck on the cost-benefit analysis of love... however, i do not think you understand what you stand to lose. what you stand to lose is not embarrassment from being turned down, nor is it hurt feelings from over-investing yourself in a relationship too soon. what you stand to gain is not casual affection or even sex, nor the social status of being coupled. only those who have loved deeply and then lost know, but you have never had a relationship.
    It's not always that simple. As far as I can understand my own feelings, that's not the entire issue. Though that was only a part of your whole point.
    Last edited by Cimarron; 12-13-2008 at 06:25 PM. Reason: more posted
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  9. #39
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    This is apparently a common trait with ISTJs. It's not like we're screwed up in the head. It's how we approach this aspect of our life. Maybe the ISTJs who have someone just got lucky. I just don't try anything unless I feel REALLY comfortable with the person or I'm just feeling really cocky. It usually ends up with a "I have a boyfriend" response.


  10. #40
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    that's why you need an extravert guys...they'll pick you up..haha
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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