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  1. #191
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Ah I see ...the "social clock". His post made it seem like he was trying to make us think about the "biological clock" haha.
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

  2. #192
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    "Finding love" (as stupid as that phrase sounds to me) is necessary but definitely one of the hardest things for an ISTJ to do, at least initially in the early stages of developing those feelings with someone. Opening up and letting down our guard with our emotions is something that doesn't come natural, AT ALL. It's hard to risk and sometimes fail, it's the price you pay. Especially because, when we do walk out on a limb, we do it thoughtfully and we really do invest a lot of emotion. Not nessecarily extroverted emotion, but it's definitely there beneath the surface. I can only say this: you'll never know if you don't try and I believe the good that can come out of a healthy, happy relationship is worth the effort.

  3. #193
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Opening up and letting down our guard with our emotions is something that doesn't come natural, AT ALL. It's hard to risk and sometimes fail, it's the price you pay. Especially because, when we do walk out on a limb, we do it thoughtfully and we really do invest a lot of emotion. Not nessecarily extroverted emotion, but it's definitely there beneath the surface.
    Well said. I completely agree. That is what makes it hard for us, but eventually we'll need to take risk and overcome in order to "find love".

    To the original poster (fishingdude): I'd have to agree with Beat...
    I can only say this: you'll never know if you don't try and I believe the good that can come out of a healthy, happy relationship is worth the effort.
    ...you won't know until you try (whether that be now or whether you wait until #6 on your list).
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

  4. #194
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    As you can see, I need my ducks in a row. Its like I cant handle more than one thing at a time so I dont allow any time in my life for the unexpected. I live by routine and stick with what works. I feel out of control if I don't.
    yeah, it feels likes its always a must to put everything first in order, i will find myself being crazy how to fix up everything. i myself is an ISTJ.
    as for your question. i think its still worth the trouble... i believe win or lose you will still gain learning... everybody in this earth or at least many people are afraid to take the risk.. specially about that thing called "falling in love". its really not easy, but the same thing nothing is reallly easy. so taking up the challenge is much better choice. its better to fight and loose, rather than loose because you havent done something (just my opinion)

  5. #195
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Wow. I remember this thread. Re-reading again is hard as it brings up a lot of memories and painful feelings.

    I dunno, I'm starting to think that those who don't think of love as such a huge risk are the ones who are most successful at it. Because fear seems to control those who have ever had the thought that love is a big risk. You know, like they say, "ignorance is bliss".

  6. #196
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    Quote Originally Posted by fishingdude View Post
    5. Build a house � currently saving money
    6. Find a girlfriend � must finish previous steps before proceeding
    You should think about reordering your priorities. You should have done the girlfriend thing during school, somewhere around 1 or 2. Are you sure you're ISTJ? Since when do ISTJ ask why society is pressuring them to do this and that?

  7. #197
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    Quote Originally Posted by fragrance View Post
    You should think about reordering your priorities. You should have done the girlfriend thing during school, somewhere around 1 or 2. Are you sure you're ISTJ? Since when do ISTJ ask why society is pressuring them to do this and that?
    Actually I don't think it's that strange for ISTJ to want all of these trappings before finding a serious gf.

    I know an ISxJ who is all like, "I can't have a gf unless I have something to give her (i.e. he means he needs to have a job, security, et al)"

  8. #198
    Senior Member SRT's Avatar
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    This is one of those questions that you can only ask yourself. I'm sure that someone's already said this, but I think it bears repeating.

  9. #199
    Senior Member bcubchgo's Avatar
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    I know this thread is really old but it's somewhat baffling. Some of the responses reek of lack of empathy and fear of the unknown disguised as ambivalence. Is love worth the trouble? Of course it fucking is. What a dumb question. Take a chance and stop being such a hard ass with yourself.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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  10. #200
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz View Post
    I thought I'd just throw this out there since it's now coming up lately.

    All my life, I've always been viewed by other people as the practical and impersonal person. I've always had such major difficulty seeing the softer and looser side of things. The amount of people in my life who don't say something to me about my rigidity or intensity is such an insignificant number compared to the amount of friends and acquaintances I've made over the course of my life. Whenever I'm with a group of people, and the conversation turns away from impersonal business to your personal life, it makes me wildly uncomfortable.

    That's why I've never really gotten that close to a lot of people. Getting into a conversation about things like relationships, sex, romance, and really just personal goals has always left me bewildered. It's really just that, I feel like I always come off to other people as the person that's strictly business. I've always felt like it was a major problem, because it was like I couldn't relate to other people.

    This just leaves me wondering about relationships. I have such an immensely difficult time just...letting things flow, as people put it. When I start talking to a person, I'm constantly analyzing it, wondering, "Is this person interesting to me? Am I just humoring them? Are they threatening my security? Why do I like them? Why am I talking to them right now? Why are they even talking to me? Am I even worth socializing with?" I know that just sounds like a massive lack of self-esteem, but it's just how I've always viewed things.

    Maybe I just have to learn to accept this in order to move on and let a relationship come when it comes, if it ever does. It's not like I'm incapable of caring about someone to that point. I know I am. I just usually put people through such an analysis that I end up having very high standards for letting my guard down. The emotional vulnerability of even trying to get to know someone is terrifying. It's my outlook on things that makes it so scary, and I can't just turn it off.
    Wow. Just reading this post of mine from 2 1/2 years ago is baffling in itself. I'm such a different person from when I wrote that. It could be that going through a manic episode and being diagnosed with bipolar along with being put on the right medication changed my outlook completely, and I'm happy for it. I'm on my phone much more often than before texting people or on facebook talking to people. It scares me a little though that I've gotten so addicted to Facebook. It's not because of it being an internet socializing site, but because I just became that much more social. I've learned to accept that it's fine to lower my standards for a little while and talk to someone I might've disregarded. Who knows, I might learn something, enjoy their company or learn something about myself.

    Is love worth the trouble? Why else would people keep putting themselves in the path of heartache over and over again? I've talked to a lot of girls over the last 2 years just to be rejected, went on dates that led nowhere, had a long distance relationship that ended sour and yet I still keep going after people. Why? Because the feeling of being intimate with another person is more intense, more human and more fulfilling than anything else. I ran into a woman yesterday I haven't seen since last year that's far off limits. When I stand next to her, it's like the world around me disappears. She sends my heart racing with such fleeting emotion. I feel like just hugging her all day because touching her feels like all of my problems whither away. Someone who makes you feel like that is what makes life worth living.

    I'm dealing with my own problem right now. I tried getting involved with a 25 year old girl with 3 kids and an ex husband she lives with that started at my job 5 months ago. Tried the thing of having lunch with her, got to know her. She seemed cool, but the voice in my head kept going off with the red alerts for the obvious drama she has in her life. After a while, I gave up completely. A few weeks later, she started asking coworkers about me, made sexual comments and seemed more interested, so I tried again, against my judgment. Later on, I ended up texting her how I felt, and she said she didn't get how I could like her when I was mean to her. I talked to her again, she said she could see I liked her, but I didn't get a response to it. I called her, asked her, and she said she didn't know how to respond to it. I felt like I did something that was both honest and weak, and I've just stopped talking to her. I've just been brushing her off at work. I could've handled it better, but I had realized before that my interest in her was depleting, and her drama added to the reasons not to.

    You live and learn.


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