I second that. I am so relieved to know that I'm not the only person who has a checklist (and who actually has "find a boyfriend" at the bottom of that list). In fact one of the reasons I never dated in highschool was because I didn't consider it a high priority. I was busy doing other things and, from observing my friends relationships, I didn't see the appeal in gaining such an experience. I also thought it was fairly improbable that I would meet someone at that age and grow with them as we got older and remain together. I'm in my early 20s right now, and I have to know who I am in my life before I can share with that someone else. I would also like to have college completed, have a decent career lined up, etc. before getting married.
Yes I agree. We tend to approach the whole thing very practically, but that doesn't mean that we don't want to connect with people. Personally, I do want to have a deep and meaningful relationship with someone and get married...in the future, but not right now.I'd also like to say (and I greatly suspect this applies to some of the frequent posters on this thread) that although we ISTJs get deeply tangled up in the cost/benefit analysis of love (boy was that a perfect description by the way) we really do share that which is common to all humans-a deep need to connect intimately with people. That is why this thread was even started - an ISTJ felt a hole deep down and knew it needed to be fixed somehow.
Exactly. I need to have all these things in order first and then I'll start my pursuit of a husband....personal growth, financial stability, education etc before I undertake any risk.
I'm so glad to hear other ISTJs thoughts on this. Whenever I tell some one that I'm singly by choice, it's like they don't believe that anyone would actually do that. I feel like a lot of people in my age range feel the need to be in a relationship for the sake of "being in a relationship" (not being alone, and having some sort of validation that they are loved). I don't feel this way, because I'm a very independent person and my self-worth isn't based on another person. Disclaimer: I'm not assuming that everyone who is in a relationship feels this way, in fact, I know many who are in relationship simply for the fact that they love their partner (obviously). It's just that many people I know have felt depressed or un-loved because they were single or put a great amount of effort into finding someone (a significant other) so that they no longer feel that way; and I do not nor have ever felt that way personally.
However at the moment, the "right time" for pursuing a boyfriend/husband, in my mind, is somewhere around 25+ years old. When I hit that age, I'll make "romantic love" more of priority. That's my plan, anyway. I wouldn't be opposed to being in a relationship now, but it's not something that I'm making an effort to actively pursue at the moment because I have other priorities and I'm content with being single right now.