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  1. #91
    wholly charmed Spartacuss's Avatar
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    Perhaps explain why (you think) your ISTJ finds it worth it beyond the pleasure of being a giving, loyal spouse to you.
    Shy?
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    The More You Know the Less You Need. - Aboriginal Saying

  2. #92
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spartacuss View Post
    Perhaps explain why (you think) your ISTJ finds it worth it beyond the pleasure of being a giving, loyal spouse to you.
    Shy?
    I don't want to put words in her mouth.

    To be honest, I'm humbled by her.

  3. #93
    wholly charmed Spartacuss's Avatar
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    I understand. I wouldn't have ventured there, either. Let others do the flattery.
    Ti (43); Ne (41.8); Te (33.7); Fi (30.5); Ni (27.5); Se (24.7); Si (21.5); Fe (17.3)
    The More You Know the Less You Need. - Aboriginal Saying

  4. #94
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    I thought I'd just throw this out there since it's now coming up lately.

    All my life, I've always been viewed by other people as the practical and impersonal person. I've always had such major difficulty seeing the softer and looser side of things. The amount of people in my life who don't say something to me about my rigidity or intensity is such an insignificant number compared to the amount of friends and acquaintances I've made over the course of my life. Whenever I'm with a group of people, and the conversation turns away from impersonal business to your personal life, it makes me wildly uncomfortable.

    That's why I've never really gotten that close to a lot of people. Getting into a conversation about things like relationships, sex, romance, and really just personal goals has always left me bewildered. It's really just that, I feel like I always come off to other people as the person that's strictly business. I've always felt like it was a major problem, because it was like I couldn't relate to other people.

    This just leaves me wondering about relationships. I have such an immensely difficult time just...letting things flow, as people put it. When I start talking to a person, I'm constantly analyzing it, wondering, "Is this person interesting to me? Am I just humoring them? Are they threatening my security? Why do I like them? Why am I talking to them right now? Why are they even talking to me? Am I even worth socializing with?" I know that just sounds like a massive lack of self-esteem, but it's just how I've always viewed things.

    Maybe I just have to learn to accept this in order to move on and let a relationship come when it comes, if it ever does. It's not like I'm incapable of caring about someone to that point. I know I am. I just usually put people through such an analysis that I end up having very high standards for letting my guard down. The emotional vulnerability of even trying to get to know someone is terrifying. It's my outlook on things that makes it so scary, and I can't just turn it off.

  5. #95
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i'm sorry raz...i don't know what you can do about that but being on the otherside...i'll just say...i know...i can see it...that critical thinking is written all over the face...so..just be aware of that maybe and know that people are individuals and if you try to control the outcome or have preconceived expectations you will ALWAYS be disappointed.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #96
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz1337 View Post
    I thought I'd just throw this out there since it's now coming up lately.

    All my life, I've always been viewed by other people as the practical and impersonal person. I've always had such major difficulty seeing the softer and looser side of things. The amount of people in my life who don't say something to me about my rigidity or intensity is such an insignificant number compared to the amount of friends and acquaintances I've made over the course of my life. Whenever I'm with a group of people, and the conversation turns away from impersonal business to your personal life, it makes me wildly uncomfortable.

    That's why I've never really gotten that close to a lot of people. Getting into a conversation about things like relationships, sex, romance, and really just personal goals has always left me bewildered. It's really just that, I feel like I always come off to other people as the person that's strictly business. I've always felt like it was a major problem, because it was like I couldn't relate to other people.

    This just leaves me wondering about relationships. I have such an immensely difficult time just...letting things flow, as people put it. When I start talking to a person, I'm constantly analyzing it, wondering, "Is this person interesting to me? Am I just humoring them? Are they threatening my security? Why do I like them? Why am I talking to them right now? Why are they even talking to me? Am I even worth socializing with?" I know that just sounds like a massive lack of self-esteem, but it's just how I've always viewed things.

    Maybe I just have to learn to accept this in order to move on and let a relationship come when it comes, if it ever does. It's not like I'm incapable of caring about someone to that point. I know I am. I just usually put people through such an analysis that I end up having very high standards for letting my guard down. The emotional vulnerability of even trying to get to know someone is terrifying. It's my outlook on things that makes it so scary, and I can't just turn it off.
    ^ good post! The way your describing it Raz, I don't think it effects me as often but I think rather, it effects me with certain people. like a girl im "interested" in, those questions would fly through my mind a million times a second during a conversation with her IF it got to the conversation point in the first place!

    I don't know if this is true for other ISTJ's, but the gift of giving and the gift of love are hard to seperate. Are they intertwined? I THINK they can be integrated. Some ISTJ's could be just stuck with the "giving" part and don't know how to move to the "loving" part or don't know how to show it.

    In other words, they may feel like the "giving" part symbolizes the "loving" part of the relationship.

    IMHO i think you need a combination of both, but personally, I am only good at the giving part and I don't know how to combine them.
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #97
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    i'm sorry raz...i don't know what you can do about that but being on the otherside...i'll just say...i know...i can see it...that critical thinking is written all over the face...so..just be aware of that maybe and know that people are individuals and if you try to control the outcome or have preconceived expectations you will ALWAYS be disappointed.
    See, but that's the thing. I can't just be broken that I think like this. I refuse to believe that. There has to be a solution to it that is suitable for my way of thinking, or more so for me. The way I see it, every aspect of my life is like a puzzle piece. All of the impersonal matters in my life, I can find ways to fit a square into a square. It's just when it comes to relationships, the square is just too fucking big, and people tell me to turn it into a circle. I'd rather just find a way to make the square smaller.

  8. #98
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i see what you're saying and that's a really healthy perspective...so yes...you're right...you just need to find someone who understands that....there's nothing wrong with you...didn't mean to imply that sorry.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #99
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    i see what you're saying and that's a really healthy perspective...so yes...you're right...you just need to find someone who understands that....there's nothing wrong with you...didn't mean to imply that sorry.
    It was sparked by a conversation with someone last night and what CaptainChick was talking about with BlueWing in ventrilo yesterday afternoon. Basically she was talking about how she would spend too much time alone, and then when she went to socialize, she had major problems. It was all about how you shouldn't isolate yourself too much, or you won't experience "love" or I guess life.

    I guess, I've just tried going way out of my "normal" life to try to socialize based on what I know, or try to meet people, and usually it ended up with failure and me just feeling stupid. Right now, I'm on break between college semesters, and I am perfectly happy doing whatever the hell I want, instead of thinking there's something wrong with me for not out trying to find random people to talk to in real life that I really don't care about.

    I mean, all I do is pretty much read, screw around on my computer, exercise, work or go to school. I really like school because it does supply socializing but in controlled doses. Maybe I'll end college with no romantic headway. Maybe I'll meet someone amazing in 2 months.

    To me, someone I can quickly fall for is a person that proves themselves as a reliable partner for my practical duties and pursuits. It could be explained as just a partner in crime. For relationships, it's weird. It's like, I start getting to know someone, and then one day, a light turns on, and just decide, "Hey, I really do like this person" and then I just start treating them in a way that I deem reserved for those sorts of people. I want someone, who, when I look at them, it's like everything around them is dark and there's a spotlight on just them. I want the syncronicity of having a connection with another person, the admiration of another person's sharp intellect.

    A lot of my problem is just that I don't understand when people are talking to you about their problems just to vent. I don't get it. Whenever someone complains to me, I either seek a solution, or tell them that their complaining doesn't help us accomplish what we're doing right now. Like, if a family member walks up to me with a problem, I'll think, "Ok, tell me everything about the problem. Let's get this over with quickly. I'll analyze the problem, and come to a logical conclusion that you probably won't like."

  10. #100
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Raz, do you think you can socialize in real life more?

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