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  1. #1
    Glycerine
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    Default How Should an iNFj Go About Trying to Connect with a ESFJ dad?

    My dad is an excellent provider and has a lot of common sense. However, when we have a conversation (even if we both are interested in the topic), he seems to get impatient and very annoyed with me after about 5 minutes. Is there anything I can do to improve the relationship? Are there any other ways to try to connect?

  2. #2
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IDK123 View Post
    My dad is an excellent provider and has a lot of common sense. However, when we have a conversation (even if we both are interested in the topic), he seems to get impatient and very annoyed with me after about 5 minutes. Is there anything I can do to improve the relationship? Are there any other ways to try to connect?
    Define connect.

  3. #3
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hmm View Post
    Define connect.
    Like being able to relate to each other better and being able to hang out without feeling like walking on egg shells.
    We don't really get into fights but we get along best if we don't talk. I can't really think of anything that I really do to create this weirdness other then maybe that my iNtuition gets on his nerves since according to theory my dominant Ni is 7th for him.

  4. #4
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    Are you sure you use your Ni in an accommodating way? I can have extremely good conversations with my ESFJ grandfather and mother if I don't use it everytime I see an oppurtunity to show it off. Just be more strategic in your attempt at finding common ground, use explanations that he will understand and dont use your interpretetions if they are way to awkward for him. Maybe you already knew this but It's worth thinking about while in conversation.

  5. #5
    Glycerine
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    oh ok, I've never thought of it that way. I can get along with a few other ESFJs but it's a good thing to consider for the next conversation.

  6. #6
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    You and your dad both have etroverted feeling, you could try to capitalize on that in your conversations with him. I have a close ESFJ friend, and extroverted feeling is definitely our common ground. If I start going indepth on politics or interesting things I learned in class (or Myers-Briggs typing for that matter), she loses interest. It's not an intelligence issues -- she's very quick witted and always has great spontaneous comebacks in everyday conversation (much more so than me, I usually think of funny stuff to say way after the moment has passed), but theoretical stuff doesn't hold her attention. Instead we mainly talk about day-to-day stuff that's happening in our lives and gossip about relationships/dating and weekend plans. She seems to highly value politeness and things like returning phone calls, expressing gratitude, etc. She loves to plan events and get-togethers for family and friends. Before we went to the beach together last summer she liked to stop by on her way home from work and plan out the sightseeing we'd go to on vacation and all the meals we could make. So, I dunno, this might be a stretch -- and admittedly I have less experience with male ESFJs -- but maybe you could plan some kind of family event with your dad? Tradition is also a big deal to ESFJs so they would probably appreciate your sharing in their fuss over holidays and such.

  7. #7
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by mwv6r View Post
    You and your dad both have etroverted feeling, you could try to capitalize on that in your conversations with him. I have a close ESFJ friend, and extroverted feeling is definitely our common ground. If I start going indepth on politics or interesting things I learned in class (or Myers-Briggs typing for that matter), she loses interest. It's not an intelligence issues -- she's very quick witted and always has great spontaneous comebacks in everyday conversation (much more so than me, I usually think of funny stuff to say way after the moment has passed), but theoretical stuff doesn't hold her attention. Instead we mainly talk about day-to-day stuff that's happening in our lives and gossip about relationships/dating and weekend plans. She seems to highly value politeness and things like returning phone calls, expressing gratitude, etc. She loves to plan events and get-togethers for family and friends. Before we went to the beach together last summer she liked to stop by on her way home from work and plan out the sightseeing we'd go to on vacation and all the meals we could make. So, I dunno, this might be a stretch -- and admittedly I have less experience with male ESFJs -- but maybe you could plan some kind of family event with your dad? Tradition is also a big deal to ESFJs so they would probably appreciate your sharing in their fuss over holidays and such.
    That sounds a lot like him. haha yeah, he's very smart, for sure (went to a national military academy). He likes to talk about the news, sports, history, cars, and work. I should probably stop trying to have a more in-depth conversation about these things, leave it as is, and keep the conversations short and light-hearted. You hit it right on the spot. That was very insightful, thank you.

  8. #8
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    Definitely let him know you appreciate everything he's done for you. I find appreciation is big for esfjs. Moreso than for other types. Also talk about family moments, history etc....

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    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    You're welcome, I'm glad I could help! It sounds like male ESFJs aren't so different from their female counterparts. I'll have to keep my eyes out for them more in the future. I'm always curious how gender interacts with the different types.

  10. #10
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frank View Post
    Definitely let him know you appreciate everything he's done for you. I find appreciation is big for esfjs. Moreso than for other types. Also talk about family moments, history etc....
    Most definitely, I thank him probably about 90% of the time.

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