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  1. #1
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Default Do others feel compelled to advise people?

    I admit, I have a hard time keeping my own problems in check, but I have absolutely no problem trying to sort through another person's issues. If someone's having a problem that I feel I can fix, I jump at the opportunity.

    For example, just now in my math class, a girl was asking the teacher for help planning out her curriculum. She had spoken to advisers already, but was asking the teacher for input. I had already learned about how the curriculum planning worked on my own, and planned out my curriculum without the aid of an adviser. So, naturally, I thought I could fix her problem if I could just find out what it was.

    I kept asking her while she was talking to the teacher, but the teacher kept telling me it was between her and the student. I pulled up the classes they were talking about on the computer, and it just bothered me so much to not be able to help. I swear, regardless of how much my teacher told me to leave them alone, I kept trying to find ways back into the conversation. I just kept thinking, "LET ME FIX IT!" Eventually I had to give up, and they treated me like I knew nothing. I know I was wrong in butting in. It's just something kept making me keep trying.

    Is anyone else like that? It's why I kind of want to become an adviser at my college.

  2. #2
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I think it's a good motivation to have, but you'll have to temper it to stay out when people don't want you involved. What you were doing today was making the objects of your "help" uncomfortable, not helped.

    If you find yourself getting pushy with it, you should examine your motivations for why you feel the need to be involved and make sure it's all for the people in need rather than for any sort of self-validation.

    (Speaking from my own introspective experience here.)
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #3
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    So, then it's not good enough to just want to fix the problem? I guess that's a lack of Fe on my part. When I look at it, I see a ton of tangible results from doing it. I don't look at it from the point of view of, "I really helped that person! I feel good about myself!"

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I think it's a good motivation to have, but you'll have to temper it to stay out when people don't want you involved. What you were doing today was making the objects of your "help" uncomfortable, not helped.

    If you find yourself getting pushy with it, you should examine your motivations for why you feel the need to be involved and make sure it's all for the people in need rather than for any sort of self-validation.

    (Speaking from my own introspective experience here.)
    +1

    Completely agree there, good base motivation, but has to be tempered. I know I have the same urge but I do not advise anyone unless asked or it's clear the other person wants my help. The other has to feel comfortable about receiving help in the first place.

    Now when someone talks to me about a problem, I don't offer a fix, I listen and acknowledge... and I find that it gives better results than giving what seems to me to be a solution.

  5. #5
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Yep. I like giving advice.

  6. #6
    Arcesso pulli gingerios! Eldanen's Avatar
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    People like giving advice but they don't like taking it .

  7. #7
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    People who consistently make it a point to advise people who didn't solicit their advice have issues. But what better way to validate self than to see others adopt your guidance? It's confirmation you're not just a deluded quack.
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  8. #8
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz1337 View Post
    So, then it's not good enough to just want to fix the problem? I guess that's a lack of Fe on my part...
    Possibly.

    The point is not whether or not you can solve the problem, it's that you were crossing boundaries established by the people you wanted to help, and they didn't want your help, and they were desiring to do it on their own for whatever reason.

    And if you're trying to help people by violating boundaries they've established, then you're giving them what they actually want. You were more interested in problem solving than meeting those particular people's needs at the time.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #9
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    I was more interested in the problem solving. I wasn't really that interested in "advising" them per se. It was more of they were having problems in an area that I felt I could help in. It just sucked being told to back off. I think I went about this thread in the wrong way.

  10. #10
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    I'm the same way. But I'm just like that in general - love to fix things, solve problems, make things better, more efficient etc. so I find myself wanting to give advice and help sort things out. But I learned a long time ago to read the situation and see if my help is wanted. If it's not, it some times bothers me if I think they are wasting time, resources, etc. when I have the easy fix.

    But.. oh well, if they don't want it..........what can you do?

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