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  1. #1
    Senior Member moonbaby's Avatar
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    Default ISTJ the confusion:the push/pull

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...tml#post424644 <------- from this post

    Okay....so, if you would be so kind to oblige and add to this post (infjs and fellow posters).....

    It seems a common theme to be totally confused by the ISTJ in your life that you are working to emotionally attach/bond with........that their words and actions do not match.

    Please give us examples.........and if the ISTJ's on the board would be so kind please HELP us out here, as it seems you are giving us mixed signals.
    (do they even realize they are doing that?)

  2. #2
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    <I just posted a thing about loyalty on the other board- not sure if that will help answer your question>

    Anyway, it is generally very hard for us ISTJ's to communicate in public or in front of others, so if you are trying to communicate with an ISTJ get a place where you are one on one or do it over text messages or something? Eventually as you gain the ISTJ's trust and friendship and more imporantly- LOYALTY you will find much less communication problems!

    Therefore, don't expect to hear about your ISTJ's thoughts and emotions until you have met the above qualifications. Depending on who they are it may take a very long time for them to open up to you, so when they do, consider yourself VERY lucky!(I feel like I am rambling now )

    Bottom line, we don't mean to give mixed signals. But if we choose the easy route, and just put things blatantly, we could risk hurting someone and that ruins the fun for everyone!

  3. #3
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    Bottom line, we don't mean to give mixed signals. But if we choose the easy route, and just put things blatantly, we could risk hurting someone and that ruins the fun for everyone!
    Yeah, well said. I like to be straightforward and honest with everybody, but especially with people I care about. The only reasons I might do one thing and say another is that it's too embarrassing to tell you the truth in public (so get into a private setting), or not hurting feelings--especially when communicating with Fs, I think, as opposed to Ts. Fs in my life have taught me to be more careful of this than I would be naturally, probably. **What's interesting about this is it means if it has happened to you, we probably worried about hurting your feelings, which means we do care about you. See that?

    But even if I have to change the message slightly to avoid hurt emotions, the truth will almost surely still be there, it's just the way I say it that will be lighter.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  4. #4
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    Yeah, well said. I like to be straightforward and honest with everybody, but especially with people I care about. The only reasons I might do one thing and say another is that it's too embarrassing to tell you the truth in public (so get into a private setting), or not hurting feelings--especially when communicating with Fs, I think, as opposed to Ts. Fs in my life have taught me to be more careful of this than I would be naturally, probably. **What's interesting about this is it means if it has happened to you, we probably worried about hurting your feelings, which means we do care about you. See that?

    But even if I have to change the message slightly to avoid hurt emotions, the truth will almost surely still be there, it's just the way I say it that will be lighter.
    So, are you saying that typically, mixed messages are your way of saying that you care because you are trying not to hurt any feelings? In addition to not embarrassing yourself, of course...

  5. #5

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    I say things about myself that often aren't true, and put me in a bad light. I don't want to, but I end up doing it anyway. Or, i'm totally honest about myself, which isn't much better. I guess what i'm trying to say is that my words don't equal my actions half the time. I have absolutely no clue why I do it. I THINK it may because I want to see how people react.

  6. #6
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spectre of the spam View Post
    I say things about myself that often aren't true, and put me in a bad light. I don't want to, but I end up doing it anyway. Or, i'm totally honest about myself, which isn't much better. I guess what i'm trying to say is that my words don't equal my actions half the time.
    Why do you do that? especially the bolded part?

    Which is better to trust with you guys? because with me, If I tell you I am going to do something, I will. You should trust my words. So this is why I am confused about it. With people that I care about, i tell them the open and full truth so I naturally seek the same.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkIceTD View Post
    Why do you do that? especially the bolded part?

    Which is better to trust with you guys? because with me, If I tell you I am going to do something, I will. You should trust my words. So this is why I am confused about it. With people that I care about, i tell them the open and full truth so I naturally seek the same.
    If someone asks me a personal question, I usually don't have an answer. I have to scramble for one. This results in an untrue and rushed statement. Given enough time, I could come up with a good and true answer. Unfortunately, nce I think of one, the damage is done. I couldn't retract what I said without looking like a liar.

    To the second part, when someone tells me they will do something, I automatically disbelieve them. People lie or forget about things they promise to do all the time. My internal motto for this is "If someone wants to get something done, remind them, because they won't start by themselves."

  8. #8
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkIceTD View Post
    So, are you saying that typically, mixed messages are your way of saying that you care because you are trying not to hurt any feelings? In addition to not embarrassing yourself, of course...
    Mixed messages? Probably. I don't even like doing it, because I know it's not being entirely honest, and because it may confuse the person I'm telling. But if it's better than the alternative, I may grudgingly do it.

    Either that, or not being aware of something. I suppose that could happen, too.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  9. #9
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    A lot of times when I'm talking to someone, even if I'm really close to the person, I still won't say exactly what I want to say. I won't even know exactly what I want to say. I usually just resort to a lot of sarcasm to fill dead air. Really, I'm just better off listening to someone talk and talk.

  10. #10
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    I also like to be straightforward with everyone, but, I can't stand making people feel bad! It feels like I have failed them. But I don't mind being blunt with my family or people I am close to, I guess because they understand my personality- but I would NEVER share any emotions or "feelings" with them. (I probably would with my best friend though)

    Indeed, if your ISTJ has sent you "mixed messages" that DOES probably mean there were mutual feelings involved. Therefore, it may be a win-win situation for you! The timing may not be right though, perhaps he is working on something time consuming?- I know I like to take things on in an organized fashion (one at a time)- obviously if that were the case it would be a perfect world! (And no, it's not a perfect world- trust me I just got back from Africa and it was very sad)

    Sarcasm is something I picked up from my sister (and all the Chris Farley movies)

    I agree with Spectre, people generally DO NOT do what they say they will do, therefore, we assume they won't do it, just to avoid another dissapointment!

    You should ask yourself- have you REALLY been honest (and obvious) with your intentions when communicating with your ISTJ?

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