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  1. #11
    Junior Member Hunter's Avatar
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    I know that I am very straightforward and blunt with someone when asked to be. If an opinion isn't requested, I rarely give it.

    In general, I'm very sarcastic, have a hard time complimenting people, joke around alot... The people I get along with best are the ones that understand sarcasm..and will bounce sarcasm back at me. Cause then we get into a lovely, meaningless word battle that is downright hilarious.

    I pretty much treat people really close to me the same way...although I do have a tendency to offer opinions more often around people I'm used to being around. But I rarely share my 'feelings' with anyone. It's awkward and uncomfortable so I avoid it like the plague.
    The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in
    defense. The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more
    important than either. The final weapon is the brain. All else is
    supplemental.

  2. #12
    Senior Member moonbaby's Avatar
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    I am always honest....there is no reason to pussy-foot. It wastes time and is exhuasting.

    Okay...let me give you an example:

    ISTJ states his intentions for another (reconciled with ex). He wants to remain friends ONLY.
    HOWEVER he is making comments that ellude that he still has deep feelings. Perhaps the comments are not direct, though in a round about manner....

    That is the WORDS and ACTIONS not matching we are speaking to.

  3. #13
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    I agree with moonbaby, there is no reason not to be honest. If I ever hold anything back with my ISTJ, it's because I don't want to freak him out, because I feel very strongly for him. In order for me to be COMPLETELY bare with my feelings (I have no problem doing that with him), I need encouragement. Which means I need him to seem interested. Sometimes, I'll be talking about stuff like that and he's super quiet, or he's non-chalant like "that's cool" , or he makes some kind of joke in which he makes fun of what i just said.

    Taking in what you guys have already said, I understand that he might not even know what to say. But still, it makes me feel like he doesn't care.

    I guess I could tell him that, but how would that change things?

  4. #14
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    If you told him he was quiet and that it seemed like he didnt care, it MIGHT help to make his intentions a little more obvious. But, more often than not, he is either quiet because he DOES care and isn't done processing what you just said, or he just isn't interested. Unfortunately, there is not way of telling which it is- I don't think. But, if he is quiet, nervous, smiling, changing the subject, things like that, he is probably interested- just not ready to talk about it just yet. Like I said, we can't just be blatant about things because what if he thought he wanted you and then you said no? It's all about risks and logic- ISTJ's are apparently notrious for hating to take risks (myself included) AND if they have been rejected before in the same situation, it doesn't help.

    HOWEVER, if you back us into a corner- we will take the risk and we won't speak from the heart it will be something we made up on the fly- for instance, if we really do have feelings for you, we might be sweating and trying to figure out what to say and say make something up. That is why it is important like I said before, to be one on one NOT in a public place. For me, the ideal place would be while the two of us were riding in the car and only bring up the subject ONE time and give your ISTJ some time to think about it.
    Actually- I had that experience the other day (although something possessed me to voluntarily put myself in that position), and I explained in another post how much of a disaster it was for me!

    I hope that helps answer the question?

  5. #15
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    I've been guilty of the push/pull . I believe most commonly it happens because for what we say and communicate, we want it to be secure or comfortable for us and not to possibly turn things into what could become a volatile situation or would open us up too much. So within a relationship, we might distance ourselves with our words and try to draw lines in order to preserve ourself and make things "safe". Then in our actions, the feelings and desires that may not be absolutely concrete can get the best of us. I use the term concrete because if/when things become concrete I think we don't have much of a problem making commitments and backing our words up with our actions.

    I'm not sure if that made sense or even applies to most.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkIceTD View Post
    I agree with moonbaby, there is no reason not to be honest. If I ever hold anything back with my ISTJ, it's because I don't want to freak him out, because I feel very strongly for him. In order for me to be COMPLETELY bare with my feelings (I have no problem doing that with him), I need encouragement. Which means I need him to seem interested. Sometimes, I'll be talking about stuff like that and he's super quiet, or he's non-chalant like "that's cool" , or he makes some kind of joke in which he makes fun of what i just said.

    Taking in what you guys have already said, I understand that he might not even know what to say. But still, it makes me feel like he doesn't care.

    I guess I could tell him that, but how would that change things?
    Haaaa. Yeah, I get "that's cool" from my ISTJ a lot too. But, I think it's cause I talk a lot. I mean, if it's important, he will listen, but mostly I think he thinks I'm just filling dead space (which is sometimes true). If I say, "Listen to me RIGHT NOW!" in a light manner, he usually laughs and says, "What? Oh, ok, I'm listening."

    Yeah, I think mostly he just doesn't know what to say. It's a challenge to come up with new language to state what I mean in a way he will understand. Often, I just assume he will not completely understand, but I am under the umbrella of knowing his loyal appreciation for me... so I need less assurance each time... if that makes sense.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Oh, additionally, it's good to keep in mind that ENFP can be a little overwhelming at times... and I get the sense the ISTJ can only take one "bare with our feelings" bout at a time. I can hardly blame them. But that said, I think this could be the lack of interest you pick up on from time-to-time. Lots to process for the ISTJ.

  8. #18
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Actually, we usually understand- we just don't know how to respond. BECAUSE if we respond with words from our heart, like what we REALLY are feeling, it exposes us and it may or may not be what you want to hear. Therefore, it is a risk- if you don't want to hear what we say, you may think less of us...does that make sense?
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #19
    Senior Member moonbaby's Avatar
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    That risk applies to both parties. If you are waiting for a guarantee, it is impossible to give. Therefore, you miss out on opportunities because only one party is willing to expose themselves. Do you know what I mean? Then, the odd thing is...you give istj your feelings and they either withdraw or dont react, both of which feel negative.


    Does this make sense?

    It is a gamble. That means putting somerthing at risk for the hope of gaining.

  10. #20
    Senior Member moonbaby's Avatar
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    Beat...yes! That is the core of it I believe!

    So, you are saying you minimize verbally what you actually feel for fear of overexposing yourself?

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