[ISFJ] How do ISFJs flirt?

[ehastin1]

i do the whole online flirty thing too. i think i feel more comfortable knowing i'm not directly in front of the person saying the same things

 

[Krwheel]

My guess is that when it's in text form it's more ambiuous and I feel like they can take flirting and pet names to mean whatever they want it to mean. Plus something that I've kinda learned is that when its more private it doesn't really idicate as much of a close relationship or interest. When it's public then it's more of an announcement that there is interest. And as an Introvert, who really wants to make their feelings public?

 

[Giggly]

Plus something that I've kinda learned is that when its more private it doesn't really idicate as much of a close relationship or interest. When it's public then it's more of an announcement that there is interest.

Really? I've learned the exact opposite.

And as an Introvert, who really wants to make their feelings public?

Yeah, I agree.

 

[Krwheel]

The reason I say that private disclosures indicate less closeness is because that's what most communication experts will say. Now that's not to say that our as ISFJs our logic follows that, so if it doesn't, then that needs to be expressed. It's been found that when a couple does anything to indicate that there is a relationship publicly or around family and friends that they are comfortable acknowledging the relationship and are prepared to escalate. When it's all private it's easier to terminate the relationship and there's no collateral damage.

I do think that as introverts we personally value the private stuff more, but it doesn't necessarily mean that things are getting close.

 

[Habba]

I'm not really an ISFJ, but I still want to hear my own voice.. I mean I want to share my opinion with you.

As seen above, ISFJ aren't much into flirting, mostly because they value secure, safe and close relationships over flashy, passionate and random. Being hopelessly romantic, they are mostly waiting for the Right One to find them, and be with them forever. Flirting doesn't fit there!

This is also pretty much how I feel about flirting. I only flirt once in a stable relation, where I know my flirt will be answered and nothing can go wrong.

 

[Warm]

I'm not really an ISFJ, but I still want to hear my own voice.. I mean I want to share my opinion with you.

As seen above, ISFJ aren't much into flirting, mostly because they value secure, safe and close relationships over flashy, passionate and random. Being hopelessly romantic, they are mostly waiting for the Right One to find them, and be with them forever. Flirting doesn't fit there!

This is also pretty much how I feel about flirting. I only flirt once in a stable relation, where I know my flirt will be answered and nothing can go wrong.

I actually have the "Right One", one who happens to be a big FLIRT. lol This hurt me greatly for a while and still does bother me a bit now because it's in person and online, but he has toned it down so that "bothered" does not become "hurt" anymore. Make sense?

 

[Warm]

Oh, um, by the way, my husband is an INFP. Go figure.

 

[Giggly]

Reading the responses from other SJ's in this thread has been comforting.

 

[countrygirl]

I like to flirt, to tease and be teased but this is within a comfort level with that person and there would have to be boundaries so that my flirting in taken within context. In other words, I don't mind flirting with friends as long as they understand that it is going nowhere. Being married I don't tease unless it is my husband.

Oddly enough, when I was younger, if I had a serious interest in someone I would not flirt with them in case my feelings would get hurt or until I felt emotional safe with them. If I had a serious case of lust for someone then I was very direct and straightforward in my interest and practically pursued the guy, I was never successful tho.

 

[Krwheel]

I like to flirt, to tease and be teased but this is within a comfort level with that person and there would have to be boundaries so that my flirting in taken within context. In other words, I don't mind flirting with friends as long as they understand that it is going nowhere. Being married I don't tease unless it is my husband.

Oddly enough, when I was younger, if I had a serious interest in someone I would not flirt with them in case my feelings would get hurt or until I felt emotional safe with them. If I had a serious case of lust for someone then I was very direct and straightforward in my interest and practically pursued the guy, I was never successful tho.

Out of curiosity, since you're married and apparently something worked, what did work for you as an ISFJ to get into a relationship?

 

[countrygirl]

Out of curiosity, since you're married and apparently something worked, what did work for you as an ISFJ to get into a relationship?

I am not quite sure what you mean. Can you elborate?

 

[Oberon]

How do ISFJ women flirt?

In my experience, they look alarmed and back away slowly.

Works every time.

 

[jay bee 83]

Imo, and taking a retrospective view, I tend to flirt more when I've got to know someone over a longer period of time. If I've met somebody and almost instantly got on with them it's slightly easier.

If I saw someone attractive I wouldn't directly approach them and try to play games.... I am not capable of doing it!! lol! Building up something more platonic generally leads onto spells of flirting.... depends on my mood as well I guess.

 

[Krwheel]

I am not quite sure what you mean. Can you elborate?

Well you previously mentioned that like several of the other ISFJs that have posted on this thread that flirting was always in a situation where you knew that it wouldn't threaten the relationship and that if you were pretty serious about starting something with the person that you were pretty straight forward about your feelings. When in the courting process with your spouse, did that remain true or did you follow some other pattern?

 

[oasispaw]

eye contact and winking.

only if drunk, though. or in a serious relationship. hahahahahaha

 

[countrygirl]

Well you previously mentioned that like several of the other ISFJs that have posted on this thread that flirting was always in a situation where you knew that it wouldn't threaten the relationship and that if you were pretty serious about starting something with the person that you were pretty straight forward about your feelings. When in the courting process with your spouse, did that remain true or did you follow some other pattern?

A combination of both. I was not aware of MBTI or that I was an introvert. The dating process was different because he lived an hour and half away by car. However, I remind true to who I was and was straight forward about my intentions and feelings. I think that I went into a mode of thinking that I was not going to waste my time getting emotionally or sexually involved with anyone. I actually went to the library and researched how to 'date' a guy. First step, I made a list of qualities (including physical attributes) and values that I wanted in a man. This also required self evaluation. Second step, realized that some of my behaviour might not get me a second date and therefore needed to change certain behaviours, not to deceive but to make a good first impression. Also I realized that if by the third date, I didn't get the impression that he was interested in marriage, to pass him by. Third step, where to find guys (I'm an introvert so bars where out). As it turns out, with my permission, a co-worker gave him my phone number and we talked on the phone for a couple of weeks before we actually met. In fact, we were both marriage orientated so that our phone conversation did revovle around children, expectations of being married, etc. (I don't remember much. It has been 7 years.) Since we had a mutual agreement and general expectations of what we wanted, we decided to met in person. After that first date I knew that I would marry him. It took him 3 months to figure it out. We were married in one year. So although this experience was different for me everything felt normal, not strained or stressed. Not forcing things to work out, it just worked out.

 

[simpleamazement]

eye contact and winking.

Yeah, definitely eye contact (I've caught those ISFJs checking me out) and saying hi and smiling and giggling.

 

[Krwheel]

A combination of both. I was not aware of MBTI or that I was an introvert. The dating process was different because he lived an hour and half away by car. However, I remind true to who I was and was straight forward about my intentions and feelings. I think that I went into a mode of thinking that I was not going to waste my time getting emotionally or sexually involved with anyone. I actually went to the library and researched how to 'date' a guy. First step, I made a list of qualities (including physical attributes) and values that I wanted in a man. This also required self evaluation. Second step, realized that some of my behaviour might not get me a second date and therefore needed to change certain behaviours, not to deceive but to make a good first impression. Also I realized that if by the third date, I didn't get the impression that he was interested in marriage, to pass him by. Third step, where to find guys (I'm an introvert so bars where out). As it turns out, with my permission, a co-worker gave him my phone number and we talked on the phone for a couple of weeks before we actually met. In fact, we were both marriage orientated so that our phone conversation did revovle around children, expectations of being married, etc. (I don't remember much. It has been 7 years.) Since we had a mutual agreement and general expectations of what we wanted, we decided to met in person. After that first date I knew that I would marry him. It took him 3 months to figure it out. We were married in one year. So although this experience was different for me everything felt normal, not strained or stressed. Not forcing things to work out, it just worked out.

I like that you recognized the traits that you have and built your expectations around that. I find myself sometimes trying a little too much to fit something that I'm not. And of course things fail miserably in those situations.

 

[earthangel]

I'm an ISFJ and when I'm into someone I try to gauge how much they like me first. If I'm feeling that it might be reciprocated (which has been 98% of the time), than i flirt as obviously as possible. Slight affectionate touching, complimenting, pretty much straight forward mentioning that "hey i'm into you, are you into me?". I try not to waste my time figuring what the other person's feelings are, I ask them many questions dead on about whether there is any chance of something. Sometimes there is an inital fear on my part, but that's normally overcome quickly. Its not really as calculated as it sounds though. Its always a sensitive situation, and I try to be so up front because otherwise I can get hurt and so can the other person.

As for ISFJ's being "pure", not necessarily. I am pretty traditional, and by that i mean not slutty, lol ---but pure? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA nooooooo. Not by any means. I think a majority of people end up liking me because I am absurdly up front and say terrible random, perverse, and off-color things for fun. My lack of verbal purity I have been told is what makes me unique and attractive.

 

[Gobbledegook]

Generally ISFJ women I've met tend to be quite direct... I tried flirting with one once and she totally didn't get what I was doing! My mom is ISFJ too and she finds the concept of flirting quite alien. The other types are better, especially NFP girls.