[SJ] Assuming parents are SJs?

[Cimarron]

Do we assume too much that parents are SJs?

It is true that SJs are more common in society than the other 3 Temperaments. Most people think of SJs as "Guardians", so they naturally seem like a parental kind of figure, or some kind of guiding hand.

But parents are parents, and there are certain things that they either have to do or are expected to do, right? Things that would make them seem SJ.

So do we assume normal parental behavior to be SJ personality sometimes when it shouldn't be?

 

[Bella]

Good question.
I don't know, though.

 

[Haphazard]

I think my mother is SJ and my father is NT.

My mother is the better parent. By a long shot.

 

[Totenkindly]

Do we assume too much that parents are SJs?

It is true that SJs are more common in society than the other 3 Temperaments. Most people think of SJs as "Guardians", so they naturally seem like a parental kind of figure, or some kind of guiding hand.

But parents are parents, and there are certain things that they either have to do or are expected to do, right? Things that would make them seem SJ.

So do we assume normal parental behavior to be SJ personality sometimes when it shouldn't be?

Well, statistically, you're going to find more SJs. There will be a lot of parents where at least one will be SJ and it will flavor the family heavily, especially if the other parent is a "flexy" type that lets the more conclusion-minded SJ parent set policy and run the show.

But there's a lot of SJ behavior that is conducive to stability. So no matter what type you are, as a parent you need to be stable, consistent, have a firm safe place for the kids to grow, have steady income, keep a routine to SOME degree -- just a host of things that fit very well with SJ-style thinking. I did well in terms of my Ti and Fe skills (I have pretty good stable consistent strategy in terms of how to approach family and work and life, and some of the disciplined tasks I hate, even just balancing a checkbook, are still endorsed by Ti thinking -- "I can't get away with not doing it"; and the sensitivity to the needs of the family and its members creates a more stable emotional environment as well)... but I cannot be as disciplined or exacting (to me) as an SJ naturally is, it really kills me after awhile.

The problem with SJ parents is that they naturally might not flex much and they'd have to be given very good reason to do so. P types will flex much more easily and will need to work on their J-ness a bit.

 

[Cimarron]

Jennifer, thanks. You've explained more fully what I was talking about in the OP. But it all leads us to the question, "How often do we correctly identify our parents as SJ, and how often do we see them displaying "SJ behavior" even though they aren't naturally SJ?

Ooh, good edit. Thanks for your perspective as a non-SJ mom.

 

[ajblaise]

But there's a lot of SJ behavior that is conducive to stability. So no matter what type you are, as a parent you need to be stable, consistent, have a firm safe place for the kids to grow, have steady income, keep a routine to SOME degree -- just a host of things that fit very well with SJ-style thinking.

Yeah, I think this is it.

I'd go even further and say that being put in a parental position can cause a non-SJ to adopt SJ behavior to the point of it becoming part of their personality.

My Dad told me my Mom used to be a lot cooler back before they had kids.

 

[Cimarron]

Let me try to rephrase it.

We're all pointing out why "appearing" SJ and being SJ could be easily confused in parents.

Now do you think it happens, and how much? I think there's not a large gap, but a small one.

 

[Totenkindly]

Let me try to rephrase it.

We're all pointing out why "appearing" SJ and being SJ could be easily confused in parents.

Now do you think it happens, and how much? I think there's not a large gap, but a small one.

Here is my thinking:

Why does it matter how much we "think" it happens? It either does or does not, and we'd need data to confirm it.

We're not even sure of the actual mix of individual types in a population (most of that data is very old). And it's hard to calculate marriage composition without direct data, even if we have individual type data -- since certain types tend to marry more than other types... but even if SJ's pair up, that would take more of them out of circulation to create a "mixed" marriage. Who knows?

Since we don't really have data here to validate whether it's true, it seems sensible to explain why there's a probable bias towards SJ behavior regardless of type. I think it's FAR more likely that it's SJ-style behavior being witnessed here, rather than actual full-blown SJ parents.

 

[ajblaise]

Let me try to rephrase it.

We're all pointing out why "appearing" SJ and being SJ could be easily confused in parents.

Now do you think it happens, and how much? I think there's not a large gap, but a small one.

I think whether or not they "appear" SJ would depend on if they were viewed outside their parental role or not. If, for example, they are away from their family and out with their peers and friends, they will drop the "parent" part of their personality.

 

[Cimarron]

I guess I didn't want to talk only about the SJ appearances that parenting will always tend to take because it's been discussed in parts and pieces many times before. But maybe the question is kind of useless when the discussion replaces the need for it. I don't know.

 

[Llewellyn]

Well, statistically, you're going to find more SJs. There will be a lot of parents where at least one will be SJ and it will flavor the family heavily, especially if the other parent is a "flexy" type that lets the more conclusion-minded SJ parent set policy and run the show.

I think my father is IsTJ and my mother ISTP, and she "runs the show" (at least outside name, in practice).

 

[Chris_in_Orbit]

Well, statistically, you're going to find more SJs. There will be a lot of parents where at least one will be SJ and it will flavor the family heavily, especially if the other parent is a "flexy" type that lets the more conclusion-minded SJ parent set policy and run the show.

But there's a lot of SJ behavior that is conducive to stability. So no matter what type you are, as a parent you need to be stable, consistent, have a firm safe place for the kids to grow, have steady income, keep a routine to SOME degree -- just a host of things that fit very well with SJ-style thinking. I did well in terms of my Ti and Fe skills (I have pretty good stable consistent strategy in terms of how to approach family and work and life, and some of the disciplined tasks I hate, even just balancing a checkbook, are still endorsed by Ti thinking -- "I can't get away with not doing it"; and the sensitivity to the needs of the family and its members creates a more stable emotional environment as well)... but I cannot be as disciplined or exacting (to me) as an SJ naturally is, it really kills me after awhile.

The problem with SJ parents is that they naturally might not flex much and they'd have to be given very good reason to do so. P types will flex much more easily and will need to work on their J-ness a bit.

Are SJs really "More common" as a whole in society? If all the studies I've seen were correct, the most common personality type would be ESFPs because that code has the most common letters..

If you mean SJs are the most common parents I would agree. SJs seem to have a more family oriented mindset. Having a wife/husband and kids would probably be high on their priorities unlike some of the other types.

 

[pure_mercury]

Other types seem to type older people in authority positions as SJs for some reason. I've particularly noticed that some INTs seem to type any authority figure (especially ones with whom they don't get along) as SJs. I think it comes from the inability to communicate. Of course, this is often an "easy out." Saying that you cannot communicate with someone else because they are an opposing type really means you are both failing to understand each other.

 

[Cimarron]

Are SJs really "More common" as a whole in society?

Statistical surveys say so, yes. The four SJ types have more people in them, total, than any of the four combined in SP, NF, or NT. SP is a close 2nd place, though, I think.

Having a wife/husband and kids would probably be high on their priorities unlike some of the other types.

Oh, good point! SJs may be more likely to start families in the first place. That would lead to a higher proportion of SJs as parents (maybe 55% or something) than in the total population (where stats show about 40%).

 

[lorkan]

I think there only are 2 types of parents that are most common. Though, in media, specifically ENTP parents seem to be some sort of salvationer or "perrect" parent. Atleast It's what the media shows, with some amount of common sence, very intelligent and different way of doing things. All in the same person.

Example: The father in the O.C series played by Peter Gallagher

 

[cafe]

There's no mistaking my mother for an SJ. EXFP.

 

[INTJMom]

Do we assume too much that parents are SJs?

It is true that SJs are more common in society than the other 3 Temperaments. Most people think of SJs as "Guardians", so they naturally seem like a parental kind of figure, or some kind of guiding hand.

But parents are parents, and there are certain things that they either have to do or are expected to do, right? Things that would make them seem SJ.

So do we assume normal parental behavior to be SJ personality sometimes when it shouldn't be?

Hopefully whoever understands type understands there are all kinds of parents.
My mother is an SJ.
My father is an SP.

My mother is far from the type of parent that you describe though.

 

[Randomnity]

I think it's possible that some people make that mistake for those reasons, but not everyone. If you factor in that SJ will be a common type for parents, plus many people here have said they have non-SJ parents, I don't think the error is extremely common, though I'm sure some people have made mistakes in this area, giving the statistics a slight bias. Not that I've studied the stats....

Neither of my parents are SJ, for the record - they're NT and NF.

edit: one thing that occurs to me is that we may bias our typing to "not-like-me" types for our parents, if we can't identify with them very much...I've noticed that many Ns here have SJ parents, and many Ss have N parents. I'm pretty sure my parents are actually N though.

 

[Giggly]

Almost 50% of the U.S. population are SJ's

 

[booyalab]

Almost 50% of the U.S. population are SJ's

What is "almost" and what's your source?

I think it's probably over 25% but I doubt it's over 45%