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  1. #41
    Senior Member Shimpei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlnamedbless View Post
    I live with my ISFJ mother. Yes, she may be a little inflexible at times but it's too easy to convince her and get my way. (That sounds bad, but it's for simple things.) You just have to be really, really.. um, well nice. It's really easy to make my mom happy. She loves compliments.. on anything: the dinner she made, her clothes, etc. The happier they are the more likely they're able to let you have what you want. The more you piss an ISFJ off the more they will fight back. So calm down, humor them.. it worked for me for 17 years.
    I think you're right. I find ISFJs quite simple in this matter (too ).

  2. #42
    Senior Member wildcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shimpei View Post
    I think you're right. I find ISFJs quite simple in this matter (too ).
    There was this test you took recently about the preference of a function.

    Maybe it is a typo.

    The outcome did not make sense.

  3. #43
    Senior Member Shimpei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wildcat View Post
    There was this test you took recently about the preference of a function.

    Maybe it is a typo.

    The outcome did not make sense.
    What do you mean? Could you elaborate?

  4. #44
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    There are two ways to convince an ISFJ:
    - either you insist a lot with all the possible logical reasons and they say yes because of exhaustion.
    - or you get ANGRY, incredibly ANGRY to the point they understand how their view is going to completely endanger the relationship and they'll agree with you.

  5. #45
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    There are two ways to convince an ISFJ:
    - either you insist a lot with all the possible logical reasons and they say yes because of exhaustion.
    - or you get ANGRY, incredibly ANGRY to the point they understand how their view is going to completely endanger the relationship and they'll agree with you.
    Do either of these actually count as "convincing?"

    Do you have personal experience in this area?
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  6. #46
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Do either of these actually count as "convincing?"

    Do you have personal experience in this area?
    Not that I'm saying it should be used often. Only when you're (I am) absolutely sure I'm right, and they're wrong, and that their course of action is going to lead to disaster. In everyday matters it's kind of really hard to convince ISFJs.

    anyway, I've got an ISFJ mother and almost all my girlfriends have been ISFJs.

    They don't exactly count as convincing. Multiple times it has happened that they kept standing their ground, and then the next day told me I was actually right - it even happened with an ISFJ high-school teacher.

    One last note. No ISFJ will ever admit that that's the way to do it. That's because they like being right - even when healthy.

    Not that this is a manifesto against them at all, quite the opposite. It's just that probably the most delicate point in a relationship with an ISFJ is to convince them of something when they are wrong.

    Anyway. The ISFJ I'm dating right now is not controlling at all. She just tells me to do more homework sometimes, but that's all. Not conservative on most accounts either.

    Previously, I've dated a BPD ISFJ. That has been the worst experience of my life, and unfortunately has messed up some patterns in my head about relationships.
    Last edited by FDG; 08-13-2007 at 01:25 PM.

  7. #47
    Junior Member Spartan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Yes I know what you mean, I've an ISFJ friend who I used to roleplay with, and everything had to be done her way, there was just no negotiation. I remember another of our friends wanted to roleplay with us, but needed a ride home - she lived right near him, but she refused to give him a ride because it would mean she'd have to go by a VERY SLIGHTLY different route than the one she prefers, and she wouldn't budge on it. She would happily leave in her car, leaving him behind to walk home at night, I don't know how she lives with herself. The guy she snubbed is ISTJ, and I find him a bit easier to deal with, a bit more reasonable.

    I found that the only way to persuade my ISFJ to do anything that was slightly out of her preferred routine, was to use a bit of emotional blackmail by saying that not doing so would cause hurt or offence to someone she liked, or knew she couldn't afford to offend. Or to subtly suggest that not cooperating with me might necessitate an open admission of her dislike/disrespect for someone, risking a 'scene' in public where people would confront her. That was the only leverage I could ever use with her - the obsessive sense of propriety and fear of confrontation.

    I can remember the days where I followed countless rules and conformed in order to avoid punishment. While I still value things like tradition and religion a lot, I have become more skeptical and cynical about my habits. I have learned to respect people's views no matter how they sound in my mind. I have been open to new ideas and new experiences. I have become more extroverted and made a life-long promise to myself to value and use my education.
    For any ISFJ out there, these are good ways to improve yourself, live life more happily, and get along with others better.
    Take a joke every once and awhile.
    I have met interesting people and made good friends such as with an ENTP. That never would of been possible if I had stayed narrow-minded.
    "Move swiftly."

  8. #48
    Junior Member Spartan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zhash View Post
    I hear all kinds of stories about INTJs but gosh, I work with an ISFJ woman that is one of the most inflexible human beings around. You can't have any level of spirited discussion about anything because if your opinion differs from hers, she gets so rigid and judgmental. It's painful being around her because I just have to keep my mouth shut and agree. That's hard for an INTJ to do but it is the only way to keep peace. She has no level of objectivity. Anyone come across this when dealing with an ISFJ? Any help in dealing with her would be appreciated. It's painful for me to be with "SJs".
    I can tolerate "SPs" far greater.
    I can always remember being very opinionated but I would hardly express my views to others. I understand now how some of my conclusions don't make any sense and I am willing to accept that I am wrong.
    Heres a tip:
    Try talking to the ISFJ about something that interests her. You may not believe it, but for an ISFJ talking about things that they like can make mentally stimulating them to the point that they can be ecstatic.
    This kind of small talk is a good way to earn an ISFJ's acceptance and even their trust. Once you have that, they can consider you their friend in their own minds, and then you get better treatment on your differing opinions.
    "Move swiftly."

  9. #49
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    ISFJ's are flexible, you just need to present your case in a convincing manner. They respond well to "Te" logic. Also, it's a good idea to lighten up the atmosphere by making a joke and cheering them up.

  10. #50
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maverick View Post
    ISFJ's are flexible, you just need to present your case in a convincing manner. They respond well to "Te" logic. Also, it's a good idea to lighten up the atmosphere by making a joke and cheering them up.
    Yes. The joke does more than cheer up the ISFJ, though, it reassures them that you appreciate and want to be in harmony with them. It's a social symbol of benevolent intent.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

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