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  1. #1
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Default The Memorial Service of an ESFJ

    I went to the Memorial Service of an ESFJ yesterday. She died at age 55 after having "journeyed" with breast cancer for 13 years. There were at least 450 people there! In my opinion that speaks of the incredible value that ESFJs can have on their circle of friends.

    Every so often I attend a memorial service of someone who was some vivacious outgoing world traveler who loved life and loved everybody and I invariably come away feeling like an epic failure. I am totally convinced no one but my family will notice when I am gone and they won't have the comfort of knowing I was loved and made an impact in other people's lives. I have already forewarned my kids not to expect too many people at my funeral.

    Anyway, congrats to the ESFJs in life. You will live well, love well, and end well. That is better than being an N.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    I went to the Memorial Service of an ESFJ yesterday. She died at age 55 after having "journeyed" with breast cancer for 13 years. There were at least 450 people there! In my opinion that speaks of the incredible value that ESFJs can have on their circle of friends.

    Every so often I attend a memorial service of someone who was some vivacious outgoing world traveler who loved life and loved everybody and I invariably come away feeling like an epic failure. I am totally convinced no one but my family will notice when I am gone and they won't have the comfort of knowing I was loved and made an impact in other people's lives. I have already forewarned my kids not to expect too many people at my funeral.

    Anyway, congrats to the ESFJs in life. You will live well, love well, and end well. That is better than being an N.
    I sincerely wonder if it really matters. Some people are born for greatness, some aren't. So what?

    I'm sure you're a good mom. And if you are, then it's job well done. The End.
    yesiknowimamiserablegrouchnowgoawayovmeleor

    It's Mizzz ST, thank you...

  3. #3
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Don't feel bad. Even the cold clammy hands of death couldn't stop the ESFJ from manipulating all of those people into being at her funeral. It's a ruse!
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
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    450 people, huh?

    Quantity < Quality.

  5. #5
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Don't feel bad. Even the cold clammy hands of death couldn't stop the ESFJ from manipulating all of those people into being at her funeral. It's a ruse!
    I KNEW IT! It's a TRAP!!!!

    RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

    *SHRIEK*

    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    450 people, huh?
    Quantity < Quality.
    Yeah. As long as Jack comes to my funeral (and doesn't spit on my casket), I will consider my life and death successful.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #6
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    450 people, huh?

    Quantity < Quality.
    Nice assuming it was quantity over quality.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  7. #7
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    I've never understood why anyone cares about what happens at their funeral....of all the things to care about.....

    I hope I die alone in a remote glen unmourned by passing sheep, snacked on by crows, or manure for the worms. I'd rather cause as little suffering as possible, and be of some use, even in corruptibility.


    "No longer mourn for me when I am dead
    Then you shall hear the surly sullen bell
    Give warning to the world that I am fled
    From this vile world, with vilest worms to dwell:
    Nay, if you read this line, remember not
    The hand that writ it; for I love you so
    That I in your sweet thoughts would be forgot
    If thinking on me then should make you woe.
    O, if, I say, you look upon this verse
    When I perhaps compounded am with clay,
    Do not so much as my poor name rehearse.
    But let your love even with my life decay,
    Lest the wise world should look into your moan
    And mock you with me after I am gone." - the shakester

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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Nice assuming it was quantity over quality.
    Well I didn't want to be an asshole, but you know most of those people were just there to network.

  9. #9
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    As opposed to:

    "Bury me in a plain old box
    Make sure I look decent
    Make sure I've got socks.

    And don't let Aunt Susie
    jibe at my hair,
    or the fact I had nothing
    too fancy to wear.

    And now that I think of it,
    what's best, beyond far
    is not having to deal
    with the family no more."

    ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    Well I didn't want to be an asshole, but you know most of those people were just there to network.
    *grump* case in point.

    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom
    Every so often I attend a memorial service of someone who was some vivacious outgoing world traveler who loved life and loved everybody and I invariably come away feeling like an epic failure. I am totally convinced no one but my family will notice when I am gone and they won't have the comfort of knowing I was loved and made an impact in other people's lives. I have already forewarned my kids not to expect too many people at my funeral.
    just to stay on target a moment...

    ... I think it's a wonderful testament to your friend that she had so many people who felt she had made a meaningful impact on their lives enough for them to come out.

    But I wouldn't base my value on how many people show up at the funeral.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #10
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    ...
    But I wouldn't base my value on how many people show up at the funeral.
    Thanks for getting the thread back on track.
    The people who are grieving care about how many people show up.
    It's comforting to them.
    I still remember my husband commenting how many cars there were in line on the way to the cemetery to bury his mother.
    That's just one example.

    I don't know Jennifer. I don't see how I can assume my life had any value if nobody notices when I die.
    If we don't touch other people's lives in some meaningful way, what in the world are we here for?
    (And of course, you understand I'm speaking from a Christian paradigm.)

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