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Thread: How to Keep an INTP Man Happy

  1. #1
    Fight For Freedom Array FFF's Avatar
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    Default How to Keep an INTP Man Happy

    So much of this is so accurate in my INTP opinion.

    This comes from here.

    by Cafeaulaltinfj
    That's what I've learned so far IRL over the past 12 years and right here on intpopen in the last couple of years.

    1.) Sex (of course). Pretty much whenever they want, but you get bonus points for initiating it. *hint* let him know what you like and he will try to do it. Variety is good as long as it doesn't involve huge amounts of planning and effort on his part. Little physical pleasures, not necessarily sexual, will get you lots of bonus points. Back scratching, brushing whatever hair they have, massage, that kind of thing. *big important hint for F types* if you want snuggles after sex, don't let him roll over and go to sleep while you lie there and fume. TELL HIM you want snuggles, don't whine about it or try to make him feel guilty. If you want a psychic, call a hotline.

    2.) Food. INTP men aren't overly demanding in this area, though they do enjoy good food. If you keep enough "forage" around, they will be content. If you want them to be healthy, you have to make a meal or so a day and make sure they remember to eat it. If you bring it to them at the computer, they will eat almost anything without even realizing they've eaten. *hint* an elaborate meal is not worth a lot of points and you can actually lose points if they don't like it and you get all upset about them not liking it.

    3.) Physical environment. They need a place to store their magazines, books, CDs and orphaned computers they've taken in. They need a path to and from the important places in the house: the computer, the fridge, the bathroom, and the bed. Reasonable climate-control must be maintained, because they do not notice things like this themselves, but only the eventual physical effects. (Drowsiness because it's too warm, etc.) Keeping a beautiful house may not be worth too many points. *hint * If the house is perfect and you are wacko, anal-retentive witch about the house, you will lose points.

    4.) Clothing. They need a clean set of clothes each day. The condition isn't particularly important. Some may find a particular kind of clothing they like and it will become a uniform of sorts, only varying in color. If you want them to look good, replace the uniform components as they wear out. *hint* ask before you throw their old clothes (or anything else) out. They can form emotional attachments to things without your realizing it. If you throw out an "attached" object, it is like betrayal and you will lose a lot of points for no good reason.

    5.) Emotional. Be nice and do not screw with their heads. They can be sensitive. If you want something, ask for it. If you do not get all emotional and are willing to take no for an answer, they will usually try to accommodate any reasonable request. *hint* Socializing with large (or sometimes even small) groups of people for extended periods of time is not a reasonable request. This is normal behavior, not something you need to fix. It is not personal. If you like to socialize a lot, you have two choices: be willing to leave him at home with some cold pizza and his computer or find a different guy.

    These guys *need* to feel smart and competent. If you attack them in this area, if you try to make them feel stupid or incompetent, you lose some serious points.

    Accept early on that he loves you but can't, repeat CAN'T read your mind. If you are always expecting him to do things that he didn't know he was supposed to do and if you keep getting mad at him for not doing things that he didn't know he was supposed to do (or not do) he will become bewildered and frustrated and will give up trying to please you. He will either come to only tolerate you or he will escape. Be please-able. When he does something nice, say thank you, even if it's not what you wanted or its a little weird. Having him want to do nice things for you is the important thing. You can work on the details later.

    At some point, your rational INTP is going to show some emotion, maybe even "open up" to you. You are at a major points situation here. You can win a lot of points or you can lose even more. Revere this as the honor it is. The emotions are probably going to be undeveloped and may seem odd. Accept them, respect them, validate them. If you do, you will build his trust for you.

    6.) Intellectual. They need their computer. They need reading material. They need intelligent conversation. If you aren't an NT you may have to work at this. You have to listen, try to understand. If you don't quite get it, ask questions. There will be some things that you are not going to get. It isn't hopeless, they can accept that if everything else is good and you give them space. There are some things that they will talk about that will make your eyes glaze over (just like you glaze their eyes over by talking about all the emotional crap you talk about). Try to act interested, they do it for you. Keep your own mind busy. Read, learn stuff. Have something intelligent to say. Be able to converse well about some subjects. INTPs have their own interests, but they like to learn about all kinds of stuff and will probably be willing to talk about your interests, too.

    Give your INTP the space they need to gorge on information and to ruminate and you will be rewarded with someone who always has something interesting to talk about and some funny stories to tell you.

    Career/money. This can call for some serious patience. It can take a long time to find a good paying job that they don't hate. You have to either be willing to be broke a lot or be able and willing to make money yourself. You want to think hard about the money situation before you have kids. It is a lot easier to have a good attitude about doing without yourself than it is to see your kids doing without. You have to have as good an attitude as possible, because the career thing can be really hard on a guy's ego. They will really beat themselves up about this which will drain their confidence, which will, in turn, make the job search harder. You don't want to make it worse. You need to be supportive and stay out of the way unless they ask you for help. They'll eventually find something.

    That's what I've learned so far IRL over the past 12 years and right here on intpopen in the last couple of years.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Array cafe's Avatar
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    I keep coming back to haunt myself.

    *Ponders asking Bo to take it down or remove my old handle*
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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    Oberon
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    I'd say "Keep the snacks and current issues of Wired magazine coming." And occasionally be naked.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Array cafe's Avatar
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    Around here it's MacWorld.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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    Fight For Freedom Array FFF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I keep coming back to haunt myself.

    *Ponders asking Bo to take it down or remove my old handle*
    I figured that might be you, but don't worry. It is really good. I've had it saved in my bookmarks for quite a while.

  6. #6
    Winter Rose Array Jennifer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I keep coming back to haunt myself.
    lol, I thought it was hilarious to see you quoted here.

    Very nice run-down, though. And worth a repost.
    Hey Capa. We're only stardust.

    She was waiting, but she didn't know for what. She was aware only of her solitude, and of the penetrating cold, and of a greater weight in the region of her heart. ~ Albert Camus

    Movie Reviews: What Jenny Saw

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    にゃん Array runvardh's Avatar
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    Cafe, you should be happy about how accurate your old post was and still is for it to be quoted and appreciated for it's informational value by those it describes. ^_^
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 4w5 sx/sp, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.


  8. #8

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    6.) Intellectual. They need their computer. They need reading material. They need intelligent conversation. If you aren't an NT you may have to work at this. You have to listen, try to understand. If you don't quite get it, ask questions. There will be some things that you are not going to get. It isn't hopeless, they can accept that if everything else is good and you give them space. There are some things that they will talk about that will make your eyes glaze over (just like you glaze their eyes over by talking about all the emotional crap you talk about). Try to act interested, they do it for you. Keep your own mind busy. Read, learn stuff. Have something intelligent to say. Be able to converse well about some subjects. INTPs have their own interests, but they like to learn about all kinds of stuff and will probably be willing to talk about your interests, too.
    I would add an addendum to this section that, far from being tolerated, I actively embrace teaching another intelligent person about something they don't know and vice versa. The key word is intelligent, though. I want someone who doesn't sit there with a "durr" expression, forcing me to constantly repeat what seems like a simple idea. I do recognize that sometimes it is my problem, that I haven't quite made the connection right, but I can tell the difference between that and complete blockhead. I have unlimited patience for the former and none for the latter.

    Oh and don't repeat yourself, or feel like I'm disdaining you because I glaze over. I realize that everybody has ritual stories they share constantly, and I try to accomodate that, but sometimes I get extraordinarily frustrated being regaled by the same damn story thirty different times. Please N.B that repeating a request to do something, or a reminder of an event, is both warranted and welcomed. I do lose track.
    "The subject chooses to sit in shadow and search for wisdom by reflecting upon his trial. The problem is not that he is cold and wet, but that cold and wet seems problematic, so he embraces those hardships in order to best them."

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    you are right Array mippus's Avatar
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    impressive
    Vanitas vanitatum omnia vanitas

  10. #10

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    Most of it applies in reverse as well, when the woman in the relationship is an INTP.

    I just read it out loud to my husband and we both had a good laugh. Every now and then he'd mutter "ain't that the truth".

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