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Thread: INTJ with Emotional swings?

  1. #1
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    Default INTJ with Emotional swings?

    Hi all,

    I'm a new poster and found myself to be an INTJ based on multiple testings. After reading the description of the INTJ, I was amazed by the near flawless relation between my own abilities/weaknesses/tastes and those of the stereotypicl INTJ. It was one of those eye opening revelations, one I wish I had come across sooner in life.

    However, I also find a few of the listed traits of the usual INTJ to be contradictory to my own state.

    They are:

    Little emotion (while I try to show relatively little on a day to day basis, I sometimes erupt in anger and also tend to get quite nervous/stressed)

    confidence (perhaps with my ideas/theories if I have trully thought them through, but not so much in social situations or upcoming deadlines)

    unaffected by others opinions (I have always been sensitive of others perceptions of me and try to avoid any conflict by acting so nice I feel like a fool, or worse, salesman)



    Anyhow, I realize that some INTJ's may have these and perhaps are a sign of undeveloped areas of my personality?


    Just to give you some background into my life:\

    - INTJ tests ranged from I (65-80%)/ N (60-80%)/ T (30-50%)/ J (0-15%)

    - I believe my mother is the complete opposite of my personality type. She is extrovert, very kind, and very un-intellectual. However, the one thing I do have in common is an unstable mood. (hers swings more often than mine though) In fact, I grew up fearing her as she would turn from an almost overbearingly loving mother (80% of the time), to throwing satan like fits. My mother also didn't understand how someone could be introvert and thus kept pushing me to get out there and be with people.

    - Spent my early childhood years in confusion. Tended to be liked by many kids, but rarely wanted to hang out with them after school. As school progressed into highschool I become a white sheep to the "popular" kids at school while never really being part of the group. Thus in my last years I turned very introvert and focused all of my energy into an obsession with soccer which is what kept me going. I only was able to get into a decent college due to my natural intelligence as I may as well have never showed up to class considering how little I payed attention to.

    - Now, realizing I had the chance to start over on the other side of the country, I did. I do very well in classes and have a group of close knit friends (I realized the party/frat crap wasn't for me very quickly). Now, I am majoring in finance/economics and am very focused on what careers I would like to enter (as you can imagine with our type, much research and planning has gone into it). I am able to do very well socially, but only for short amounts of time.

    I hate:

    - writing (I'm much too slow and methodical)
    - trying to sell
    - learning languages. (even English)
    - wasting time (even though I constantly am ashamed by my continual ability to do so)
    - details (staring at a legal document is like committing mental suicide)

    I Love:

    - reading (even though I am still much too slow in this aswell)
    - grand theories
    - Learning in general (must be somewhat useful though)
    - quantitative work
    - traveling (even somewhat like socializing with strangers when traveling )



    Anyhow, I was wondering if any of you could give me advice as to whether

    1.) I am truly an INTJ
    2.) I have under-developed traits (I am assuming this one)
    3.) how I can best work at overcoming these clear weaknesses



    Thanks in advance (I'm betting no other INTJ uses these smilies)

  2. #2
    Senior Member Array AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by arsenal View Post
    Hi all,

    I'm a new poster and found myself to be an INTJ based on multiple testings. After reading the description of the INTJ, I was amazed by the near flawless relation between my own abilities/weaknesses/tastes and those of the stereotypicl INTJ. It was one of those eye opening revelations, one I wish I had come across sooner in life.
    Hi and Welcome!

    However, I also find a few of the listed traits of the usual INTJ to be contradictory to my own state.

    They are:

    Little emotion (while I try to show relatively little on a day to day basis, I sometimes erupt in anger and also tend to get quite nervous/stressed)
    Very normal. My INTJ is a teenager and is easily the angriest member of the house (and always has been). That alternates with extreme stress and nervousness. If he has other feelings, he tends to want to suppress them.

    confidence (perhaps with my ideas/theories if I have trully thought them through, but not so much in social situations or upcoming deadlines)
    MIne has no problem exuding confidence, and likes to think he's something special. Yet, he's quite ying/yang with that, being very sensitive if he senses others think he's not all that. He seems to like to procrastinate tasks and performs well under pressure.


    unaffected by others opinions
    (I have always been sensitive of others perceptions of me and try to avoid any conflict by acting so nice I feel like a fool, or worse, salesman)
    Yes, I see this in mine too. He hates any attention whatsoever drawn to him, yet wants to be perceived as awesome.



    Anyhow, I realize that some INTJ's may have these and perhaps are a sign of undeveloped areas of my personality?




    Just to give you some background into my life:\

    - INTJ tests ranged from I (65-80%)/ N (60-80%)/ T (30-50%)/ J (0-15%)
    Sounds like you might have quite a bit of F, with moderate N, although free tests are sketchy.

    - I believe my mother is the complete opposite of my personality type. She is extrovert, very kind, and very un-intellectual. However, the one thing I do have in common is an unstable mood. (hers swings more often than mine though) In fact, I grew up fearing her as she would turn from an almost overbearingly loving mother (80% of the time), to throwing satan like fits. My mother also didn't understand how someone could be introvert and thus kept pushing me to get out there and be with people.

    - Spent my early childhood years in confusion. Tended to be liked by many kids, but rarely wanted to hang out with them after school. As school progressed into highschool I become a white sheep to the "popular" kids at school while never really being part of the group. Thus in my last years I turned very introvert and focused all of my energy into an obsession with soccer which is what kept me going. I only was able to get into a decent college due to my natural intelligence as I may as well have never showed up to class considering how little I payed attention to.

    - Now, realizing I had the chance to start over on the other side of the country, I did. I do very well in classes and have a group of close knit friends (I realized the party/frat crap wasn't for me very quickly). Now, I am majoring in finance/economics and am very focused on what careers I would like to enter (as you can imagine with our type, much research and planning has gone into it). I am able to do very well socially, but only for short amounts of time.
    Awesome and congrats. That sounds like a great major. There are many on here I'm sure who do that/major in that as well.

    I hate:

    - writing (I'm much too slow and methodical)
    - trying to sell
    - learning languages. (even English)
    - wasting time (even though I constantly am ashamed by my continual ability to do so)
    - details (staring at a legal document is like committing mental suicide)

    I Love:

    - reading (even though I am still much too slow in this aswell)
    - grand theories
    - Learning in general (must be somewhat useful though)
    - quantitative work
    - traveling (even somewhat like socializing with strangers when traveling )



    Anyhow, I was wondering if any of you could give me advice as to whether

    1.) I am truly an INTJ
    2.) I have under-developed traits (I am assuming this one)
    3.) how I can best work at overcoming these clear weaknesses


    Thanks in advance (I'm betting no other INTJ uses these smilies)
    If the type description resonated strongly with you over all the others, then you probably are. You should read the infj and intp and istj ones as well, since you are close on those (except istj, but people tend to test N when they are really S). I don't know about other INTJs, but mine loves details and logic. Perhaps that is your F shining through. Are you a girl or a guy?

    You sound healthy to me regarding the way you word things at least. In reference to your questions:

    1) only much reflection and looking at cognitive functions for intj (Ni/Te) can really acquaint you with the knowledge that you are indeed intj (and taking the real test)

    2) Your traits would only be underdeveloped if you have had some major developmental delay for some reason, physical or mental. Otherwise, I'd assume you to be right where you should be for your age. Of course you get wiser as you go through life. That's just the way it is.

    3) I'm not seeing any weaknesses. MBTI and knowledge of your archetype should just be about learning who you are, and utilizing your strenths, not focusing on perceived weaknesses. If you don't like detail, you would probably do best in a job where you have minimal paperwork, writing demands, computer coding, etc. I don't think you can just make yourself like detail. It's about understanding what you do and don't like and planning accordingly that is beneficial about knowing your type, and in helping interact with different types of people.


    Oh! And call your mom and tell her how much you appreciate what she did raising you. It's very hard raising an INTJ.
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    thank you for that.

    Yes, I have made sure to show my appreciation towards my mother now that I have matured and am able to see the incredible hardships she put up with.

    As for your question, I am a guy and yes I wish you the best with your kid. Keep up the good work and he will show you much gratitude when he grows older.

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    Quote Originally Posted by arsenal View Post
    Little emotion (while I try to show relatively little on a day to day basis, I sometimes erupt in anger and also tend to get quite nervous/stressed)
    Anger and nervousness are the worst indicators of F/T in my opinion. You also need to realize that having emotion doesn't make you an F, just like a lack of emotion does not make you a T. It has more to do with your perception of situations and how you deal with them.

    Quote Originally Posted by arsenal View Post
    confidence (perhaps with my ideas/theories if I have trully thought them through, but not so much in social situations or upcoming deadlines)
    This is perfectly normal for an INTJ, especially a relatively young one. I would suggest looking in to Enneagram Type 5. Many times when INTJ "confidence" is mentioned, it is more about the appearance of confidence, than actually having it. The more experienced we get, the more generally confident we become. Particularly with a Type 5 INTJ, confidence can come from the fact that we have prepared for every possibility and looked at something from every angle, out of fear of failure/not knowing something well enough. Fear/nervousness --> doing absolutely everything you can to succeed/understand/prepare --> confidence. This is why the traits you mention do not make you any less of an INTJ. In fact, it is very common.

    Quote Originally Posted by arsenal View Post
    unaffected by others opinions (I have always been sensitive of others perceptions of me and try to avoid any conflict by acting so nice I feel like a fool, or worse, salesman)
    A lot of what I already said pertains to the above. Socially, INTJs are very sensitive to negative attention, I think. That's why a lot of times we'll have our own style that we stick with for a long time, or use sarcasm (the safest form of humor), etc. Unaffected by others' opinions is more accurate professionally I think, in which case we would rather be correct than politically correct. We know what we know and we know what we don't know.


    The more you look around and learn from this site, the more you'll realize that the "descriptions" you see online of the personality types only touch the surface. They show you the effect, not the cause.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

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    psicobolche Array tcda's Avatar
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    This sounds like an INTJ I know who has bipolar disorder. He is an INTJ I think but very very different from other INTJ's and tends to have real tension with them.
    "Of course we spent our money in the good times. That's what you're supposed to do in good times! You can't save money in the good times. Then they wouldn't be good times, they'd be 'preparation for the bad times' times."

    "Every country in the world owes money. Everyone. So heere's what I dont get: who do they all owe it to, and why don't we just kill the bastard and relax?"

    -Tommy Tiernan, Irish comedian.

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    on a pedestal Array Marmotini's Avatar
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    To me it just sounds like you're human. Even if displaying emotions isn't an INTJ trait, you're still going to have SOME feelings inside...like nervousness, and it's okay to get angry (from what I understand NTs are often more comfortable showing anger than more vulnerable emotions).

    I would never go as far as to say you sound bipolar. If your emotions are so out of control it seriously interferes with your life, that is a problem, but if you just are sometimes nervous or lacking confidence or getting angry I would just guess that you're ...a human being! *gasp*
    and you salute me Miss America, cause I am, I am

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  7. #7
    Junior Member Array PureStealth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by arsenal View Post
    Little emotion (while I try to show relatively little on a day to day basis, I sometimes erupt in anger and also tend to get quite nervous/stressed)
    Remember that most of the type descriptions you find on the websites out there are done as perceptions rather than written by INTJs. Personally I've recently developed a broad range of emotions, its just that most of the time I tend to display them in private. INTJs and anger is an interesting one as well, check out this thread:

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...ntj-anger.html

    I tend to be very slow to anger, but when I reach that point I would also describe it as an eruption :P. Stress/nervousness just comes with the normal INTJ schedule and social activities!

    Quote Originally Posted by arsenal View Post
    confidence (perhaps with my ideas/theories if I have trully thought them through, but not so much in social situations or upcoming deadlines)
    I'm in total agreement with this one. Ask me about object oriented programming in visual basic and I'll probably exude confidence to the point of arrogance, but when it comes to social situations I'm anything but confident (shy, nervous, etc). As a fun experiment, ask those close to you whether or not you seem confident, the answer will probably surprise you...

    Quote Originally Posted by arsenal View Post
    unaffected by others opinions (I have always been sensitive of others perceptions of me and try to avoid any conflict by acting so nice I feel like a fool, or worse, salesman)
    I was like this when I was younger, but lately I've developed a bit of a tough shell for that sort of thing. I can laugh off most criticisms because most likely I've either:

    A) been more harsh with myself on the matter
    B) realize that they have no idea what they're talking about

    Avoiding conflict something any rational human being should be doing.

    Quote Originally Posted by arsenal View Post
    1.) I am truly an INTJ
    Sounds like it to me, but as mentioned above take a look at the cognitive functions. They're where most of the information is at. (when I read the description of Ni for the first time i practically melted)

    Quote Originally Posted by arsenal View Post
    2.) I have under-developed traits (I am assuming this one)
    We all have under-developed traits. The key is to recognize this and work on it. I've been taking a lot of time to work on Fi lately, and it has improved my depth of character immensely.

    Quote Originally Posted by arsenal View Post
    3.) how I can best work at overcoming these clear weaknesses
    Acknowledgment is the first step, and from there it is actually pretty simple. Once you have identified the areas of weakness you can set a little mental flag. Next time you find yourself in a situation where you are displaying such weakness, you can activate the wonderful INTJ detached observation mechanism, and stop yourself in the act.

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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    and it's okay to get angry
    oh wow, "permission" to get angry. sorry, babe. i don't need permission to get angry- it's one of my huge character traits. fuck you anyway. all of you fucking liars.

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    on a pedestal Array Marmotini's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bcvcdc View Post
    oh wow, "permission" to get angry. sorry, babe. i don't need permission to get angry- it's one of my huge character traits. fuck you anyway. all of you fucking liars.
    Hmmm...OP is concerned that outbursts of anger make him non-INTJ, and the person above me suggested that he might even be "bipolar"...thus my response that it's okay to get angry (it's not indicative of type or mental illness). There are plenty of people who will tell you it's NOT okay to get angry. Don't believe me? Just check the "Which person is more morally repugnant?" thread.

    I'm not a liar, and I'm someone who is very in touch with my anger, which is why I don't think that getting angry is "sick" or "bad."

    But hey, fuck you too!
    and you salute me Miss America, cause I am, I am

    The Zen of Moving in Stereo


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    Maybe you're like, bipolar or something.
    Between that cigarillo and sticking my finger down my throat to see if I could DT, I feel like puking RN.

    Read my Blog.

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