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[INTJ] INTJ with Emotional swings?

arsenal

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2010
Messages
2
MBTI Type
INTJ
Hi all,

I'm a new poster and found myself to be an INTJ based on multiple testings. After reading the description of the INTJ, I was amazed by the near flawless relation between my own abilities/weaknesses/tastes and those of the stereotypicl INTJ. It was one of those eye opening revelations, one I wish I had come across sooner in life.

However, I also find a few of the listed traits of the usual INTJ to be contradictory to my own state.

They are:

Little emotion (while I try to show relatively little on a day to day basis, I sometimes erupt in anger and also tend to get quite nervous/stressed)

confidence (perhaps with my ideas/theories if I have trully thought them through, but not so much in social situations or upcoming deadlines)

unaffected by others opinions (I have always been sensitive of others perceptions of me and try to avoid any conflict by acting so nice I feel like a fool, or worse, salesman:D)



Anyhow, I realize that some INTJ's may have these and perhaps are a sign of undeveloped areas of my personality?


Just to give you some background into my life:\

- INTJ tests ranged from I (65-80%)/ N (60-80%)/ T (30-50%)/ J (0-15%)

- I believe my mother is the complete opposite of my personality type. She is extrovert, very kind, and very un-intellectual. However, the one thing I do have in common is an unstable mood. (hers swings more often than mine though) In fact, I grew up fearing her as she would turn from an almost overbearingly loving mother (80% of the time), to throwing satan like fits. My mother also didn't understand how someone could be introvert and thus kept pushing me to get out there and be with people.

- Spent my early childhood years in confusion. Tended to be liked by many kids, but rarely wanted to hang out with them after school. As school progressed into highschool I become a white sheep to the "popular" kids at school while never really being part of the group. Thus in my last years I turned very introvert and focused all of my energy into an obsession with soccer which is what kept me going. I only was able to get into a decent college due to my natural intelligence as I may as well have never showed up to class considering how little I payed attention to.

- Now, realizing I had the chance to start over on the other side of the country, I did. I do very well in classes and have a group of close knit friends (I realized the party/frat crap wasn't for me very quickly). Now, I am majoring in finance/economics and am very focused on what careers I would like to enter (as you can imagine with our type, much research and planning has gone into it). I am able to do very well socially, but only for short amounts of time.

I hate:

- writing (I'm much too slow and methodical)
- trying to sell
- learning languages. (even English:D)
- wasting time (even though I constantly am ashamed by my continual ability to do so)
- details (staring at a legal document is like committing mental suicide)

I Love:

- reading (even though I am still much too slow in this aswell)
- grand theories
- Learning in general (must be somewhat useful though)
- quantitative work
- traveling (even somewhat like socializing with strangers when traveling :shock:)



Anyhow, I was wondering if any of you could give me advice as to whether

1.) I am truly an INTJ
2.) I have under-developed traits (I am assuming this one)
3.) how I can best work at overcoming these clear weaknesses



Thanks in advance :) (I'm betting no other INTJ uses these smilies)
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

failure to thrive
Joined
Feb 20, 2009
Messages
5,585
MBTI Type
INfj
Enneagram
451
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Hi all,

I'm a new poster and found myself to be an INTJ based on multiple testings. After reading the description of the INTJ, I was amazed by the near flawless relation between my own abilities/weaknesses/tastes and those of the stereotypicl INTJ. It was one of those eye opening revelations, one I wish I had come across sooner in life.

Hi and Welcome!

However, I also find a few of the listed traits of the usual INTJ to be contradictory to my own state.

They are:

Little emotion (while I try to show relatively little on a day to day basis, I sometimes erupt in anger and also tend to get quite nervous/stressed)

Very normal. My INTJ is a teenager and is easily the angriest member of the house (and always has been). That alternates with extreme stress and nervousness. If he has other feelings, he tends to want to suppress them.

confidence (perhaps with my ideas/theories if I have trully thought them through, but not so much in social situations or upcoming deadlines)

MIne has no problem exuding confidence, and likes to think he's something special. Yet, he's quite ying/yang with that, being very sensitive if he senses others think he's not all that. He seems to like to procrastinate tasks and performs well under pressure.


unaffected by others opinions
(I have always been sensitive of others perceptions of me and try to avoid any conflict by acting so nice I feel like a fool, or worse, salesman:D)

Yes, I see this in mine too. He hates any attention whatsoever drawn to him, yet wants to be perceived as awesome. :)



Anyhow, I realize that some INTJ's may have these and perhaps are a sign of undeveloped areas of my personality?




Just to give you some background into my life:\

- INTJ tests ranged from I (65-80%)/ N (60-80%)/ T (30-50%)/ J (0-15%)

Sounds like you might have quite a bit of F, with moderate N, although free tests are sketchy.

- I believe my mother is the complete opposite of my personality type. She is extrovert, very kind, and very un-intellectual. However, the one thing I do have in common is an unstable mood. (hers swings more often than mine though) In fact, I grew up fearing her as she would turn from an almost overbearingly loving mother (80% of the time), to throwing satan like fits. My mother also didn't understand how someone could be introvert and thus kept pushing me to get out there and be with people.

- Spent my early childhood years in confusion. Tended to be liked by many kids, but rarely wanted to hang out with them after school. As school progressed into highschool I become a white sheep to the "popular" kids at school while never really being part of the group. Thus in my last years I turned very introvert and focused all of my energy into an obsession with soccer which is what kept me going. I only was able to get into a decent college due to my natural intelligence as I may as well have never showed up to class considering how little I payed attention to.

- Now, realizing I had the chance to start over on the other side of the country, I did. I do very well in classes and have a group of close knit friends (I realized the party/frat crap wasn't for me very quickly). Now, I am majoring in finance/economics and am very focused on what careers I would like to enter (as you can imagine with our type, much research and planning has gone into it). I am able to do very well socially, but only for short amounts of time.

Awesome and congrats. That sounds like a great major. There are many on here I'm sure who do that/major in that as well.

I hate:

- writing (I'm much too slow and methodical)
- trying to sell
- learning languages. (even English:D)
- wasting time (even though I constantly am ashamed by my continual ability to do so)
- details (staring at a legal document is like committing mental suicide)

I Love:

- reading (even though I am still much too slow in this aswell)
- grand theories
- Learning in general (must be somewhat useful though)
- quantitative work
- traveling (even somewhat like socializing with strangers when traveling :shock:)



Anyhow, I was wondering if any of you could give me advice as to whether

1.) I am truly an INTJ
2.) I have under-developed traits (I am assuming this one)
3.) how I can best work at overcoming these clear weaknesses


Thanks in advance :) (I'm betting no other INTJ uses these smilies)

If the type description resonated strongly with you over all the others, then you probably are. You should read the infj and intp and istj ones as well, since you are close on those (except istj, but people tend to test N when they are really S). I don't know about other INTJs, but mine loves details and logic. Perhaps that is your F shining through. Are you a girl or a guy?

You sound healthy to me regarding the way you word things at least. In reference to your questions:

1) only much reflection and looking at cognitive functions for intj (Ni/Te) can really acquaint you with the knowledge that you are indeed intj (and taking the real test)

2) Your traits would only be underdeveloped if you have had some major developmental delay for some reason, physical or mental. Otherwise, I'd assume you to be right where you should be for your age. Of course you get wiser as you go through life. That's just the way it is.

3) I'm not seeing any weaknesses. MBTI and knowledge of your archetype should just be about learning who you are, and utilizing your strenths, not focusing on perceived weaknesses. If you don't like detail, you would probably do best in a job where you have minimal paperwork, writing demands, computer coding, etc. I don't think you can just make yourself like detail. It's about understanding what you do and don't like and planning accordingly that is beneficial about knowing your type, and in helping interact with different types of people.


Oh! And call your mom and tell her how much you appreciate what she did raising you. It's very hard raising an INTJ. :smile:
 

arsenal

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2010
Messages
2
MBTI Type
INTJ
thank you for that.

Yes, I have made sure to show my appreciation towards my mother now that I have matured and am able to see the incredible hardships she put up with.:doh:

As for your question, I am a guy and yes I wish you the best with your kid. Keep up the good work and he will show you much gratitude when he grows older.
 

Metamorphosis

New member
Joined
May 9, 2007
Messages
3,474
MBTI Type
INTJ
Little emotion (while I try to show relatively little on a day to day basis, I sometimes erupt in anger and also tend to get quite nervous/stressed)

Anger and nervousness are the worst indicators of F/T in my opinion. You also need to realize that having emotion doesn't make you an F, just like a lack of emotion does not make you a T. It has more to do with your perception of situations and how you deal with them.

confidence (perhaps with my ideas/theories if I have trully thought them through, but not so much in social situations or upcoming deadlines)

This is perfectly normal for an INTJ, especially a relatively young one. I would suggest looking in to Enneagram Type 5. Many times when INTJ "confidence" is mentioned, it is more about the appearance of confidence, than actually having it. The more experienced we get, the more generally confident we become. Particularly with a Type 5 INTJ, confidence can come from the fact that we have prepared for every possibility and looked at something from every angle, out of fear of failure/not knowing something well enough. Fear/nervousness --> doing absolutely everything you can to succeed/understand/prepare --> confidence. This is why the traits you mention do not make you any less of an INTJ. In fact, it is very common.

unaffected by others opinions (I have always been sensitive of others perceptions of me and try to avoid any conflict by acting so nice I feel like a fool, or worse, salesman:D)

A lot of what I already said pertains to the above. Socially, INTJs are very sensitive to negative attention, I think. That's why a lot of times we'll have our own style that we stick with for a long time, or use sarcasm (the safest form of humor), etc. Unaffected by others' opinions is more accurate professionally I think, in which case we would rather be correct than politically correct. We know what we know and we know what we don't know.


The more you look around and learn from this site, the more you'll realize that the "descriptions" you see online of the personality types only touch the surface. They show you the effect, not the cause.
 

tcda

psicobolche
Joined
Nov 17, 2009
Messages
1,292
MBTI Type
intp
Enneagram
5
This sounds like an INTJ I know who has bipolar disorder. He is an INTJ I think but very very different from other INTJ's and tends to have real tension with them.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
To me it just sounds like you're human. Even if displaying emotions isn't an INTJ trait, you're still going to have SOME feelings inside...like nervousness, and it's okay to get angry (from what I understand NTs are often more comfortable showing anger than more vulnerable emotions).

I would never go as far as to say you sound bipolar. If your emotions are so out of control it seriously interferes with your life, that is a problem, but if you just are sometimes nervous or lacking confidence or getting angry I would just guess that you're ...a human being! *gasp* :D
 

PureStealth

New member
Joined
Aug 8, 2009
Messages
18
MBTI Type
INTJ
Little emotion (while I try to show relatively little on a day to day basis, I sometimes erupt in anger and also tend to get quite nervous/stressed)

Remember that most of the type descriptions you find on the websites out there are done as perceptions rather than written by INTJs. Personally I've recently developed a broad range of emotions, its just that most of the time I tend to display them in private. INTJs and anger is an interesting one as well, check out this thread:

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nt-rationale/8567-intj-anger.html

I tend to be very slow to anger, but when I reach that point I would also describe it as an eruption :p. Stress/nervousness just comes with the normal INTJ schedule and social activities!

confidence (perhaps with my ideas/theories if I have trully thought them through, but not so much in social situations or upcoming deadlines)

I'm in total agreement with this one. Ask me about object oriented programming in visual basic and I'll probably exude confidence to the point of arrogance, but when it comes to social situations I'm anything but confident (shy, nervous, etc). As a fun experiment, ask those close to you whether or not you seem confident, the answer will probably surprise you...

unaffected by others opinions (I have always been sensitive of others perceptions of me and try to avoid any conflict by acting so nice I feel like a fool, or worse, salesman:D)

I was like this when I was younger, but lately I've developed a bit of a tough shell for that sort of thing. I can laugh off most criticisms because most likely I've either:

A) been more harsh with myself on the matter
B) realize that they have no idea what they're talking about

Avoiding conflict something any rational human being should be doing.

1.) I am truly an INTJ

Sounds like it to me, but as mentioned above take a look at the cognitive functions. They're where most of the information is at. (when I read the description of Ni for the first time i practically melted)

2.) I have under-developed traits (I am assuming this one)

We all have under-developed traits. The key is to recognize this and work on it. I've been taking a lot of time to work on Fi lately, and it has improved my depth of character immensely.

3.) how I can best work at overcoming these clear weaknesses

Acknowledgment is the first step, and from there it is actually pretty simple. Once you have identified the areas of weakness you can set a little mental flag. Next time you find yourself in a situation where you are displaying such weakness, you can activate the wonderful INTJ detached observation mechanism, and stop yourself in the act.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
oh wow, "permission" to get angry. sorry, babe. i don't need permission to get angry- it's one of my huge character traits. fuck you anyway. all of you fucking liars.

Hmmm...OP is concerned that outbursts of anger make him non-INTJ, and the person above me suggested that he might even be "bipolar"...thus my response that it's okay to get angry (it's not indicative of type or mental illness). There are plenty of people who will tell you it's NOT okay to get angry. Don't believe me? Just check the "Which person is more morally repugnant?" thread.

I'm not a liar, and I'm someone who is very in touch with my anger, which is why I don't think that getting angry is "sick" or "bad."

But hey, fuck you too! :angry:
 

paperoceans

Une Femme est une femme
Joined
Aug 24, 2009
Messages
834
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
8w7
Maybe you're like, bipolar or something.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
A lot of the traits that you listed are common with INTJs, but it's not definite. Anyone can be emotional, anybody. That depends on other factors.
 

Misty_Mountain_Rose

New member
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
1,123
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
4w5
Hi all,

I'm a new poster and found myself to be an INTJ based on multiple testings. After reading the description of the INTJ, I was amazed by the near flawless relation between my own abilities/weaknesses/tastes and those of the stereotypicl INTJ. It was one of those eye opening revelations, one I wish I had come across sooner in life.

Welcome to the board :happy: I remember how excited I was when I first 'found myself' in the MBTI scale. It gave me an understanding of my interactions with others that I never had before. I've grown a lot over the years that I've been studying it.

However, I also find a few of the listed traits of the usual INTJ to be contradictory to my own state.

They are:

Little emotion (while I try to show relatively little on a day to day basis, I sometimes erupt in anger and also tend to get quite nervous/stressed)

confidence (perhaps with my ideas/theories if I have trully thought them through, but not so much in social situations or upcoming deadlines)

unaffected by others opinions (I have always been sensitive of others perceptions of me and try to avoid any conflict by acting so nice I feel like a fool, or worse, salesman:D)

These are actually typical of a lot of INTJs. We all have emotion, we just tend not to put it on display for the world to witness. We deal with it in private. We are the epitome of the 'Still waters run deep' idea, especially Enneagram 4 INTJs like myself.

(You may want to find a free enneagram test site and find that out as well, it gives another angle to the personality that MBTI doesn't even touch)


- INTJ tests ranged from I (65-80%)/ N (60-80%)/ T (30-50%)/ J (0-15%)
.
.
.
Anyhow, I was wondering if any of you could give me advice as to whether

1.) I am truly an INTJ
2.) I have under-developed traits (I am assuming this one)
3.) how I can best work at overcoming these clear weaknesses



Thanks in advance :) (I'm betting no other INTJ uses these smilies)

Your J preference is your lowest... and being that you tested at 0 with it at least once, you may fluctuate a bit between INTJ and INTP. (I do this) You may find that some of the INTP description fits as well, but probably not as much as the INTJ.

I think you're probably an INTJ, and as far as underdeveloped traits go, I look at it this way: We all need to learn to use ALL of the functions as much as possible. My ultimate goal would be to be able to switch back and forth as often as needed between the different 'types' in order to accomplish what I need. I know that INTJ will always be my default and most comfortable area, but I have been able to teach myself to be more extroverted when I need to be, more socially aware and subsequently a better friend. I've learned that its OK to show emotion sometimes and that those conversations that I used to have in my head, playing out every possible scenario, will NEVER replace true human interaction.

You're at the beginning of a self-revealing road and I hope you hang around! :) These boards have been extremely helpful to me in understanding how I interact with others, and to know that I'm really not alone, or as different as I once thought I was.

:D

:nerd:
 

sculpting

New member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Messages
4,148
But hey, fuck you too! :angry:

No, Fuck you, Marmelade, you damned brit. You and your weird orange rind jelly. What's up with that crap? Jeez, enfps are so flaky and moody.

I'm just curious. Why do you think so?

It might be the household pet domination combined with the fact that he just dismantled the stair railing, plus he keeps shoving me out of the way to do things that I am too incompetent to handle. He will also walk up to me, in an Ne daze, take his hand and physically move my head to meet his eyes. I also was just commanded "EAT THE CRACKER. drink the juice. drink it DRINK IT DRINK IT!!!!!"

But we have entire conversations just with our eyes and smiles....It's beautiful. I look at him, he looks at me, we smile a little, he narrows his eyes and squints, I giggle, he growls, I growl, he giggles, he wrestle, then I bite him, spin him circles, then he hits me with a toy hammer and yells. :wubbie:

My ENFP friend also has a strange, odd, introverted, dominating, yet intensely physical when tired little genius aka maybe INTJ child. I kept trying to figure out what was wrong with her kid until mine started doing all the same things. Awwww, a matched pair to study.

OP-your mom sounds like an enfp.
 

neptunesnet

man-made
Joined
Sep 5, 2009
Messages
1,228
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5&4
Instinctual Variant
sx
It's quite possible.

I have an NTJ friend who had intense anger issues. One moment he was perfectly fine and the next he would just explode on someone whom he felt offended him in some way. I've always found that strange, and a little disheartening, that he felt he can taunt and tease everyone as sarcastically and caustically as he pleased without much consideration for their feelings, but if anyone dared to impose on him or do something he considered offensive, although in casual company it usually isn't - more an individual offense, then he would flip out out on him. It used to be a serious problem in high school, but he has toned things down a bit now. I've noticed that he's been trying to become more aware of other people's feelings and more considerate, and I'm proud of him. :) It's a real weakness for him - which has always fascinated me. He's one of the most brilliant people I know and in the academic realm he dominates, but when it comes to something as simple imo as finding yourself, your identity, and being able to understand your emotions and empathize with others he literally crumbles.

Anyway, I hope the OP got something from this rant of mine.


OP-your mom sounds like an enfp.

Or ESFP.
 
Last edited:

pyramid

New member
Joined
Feb 21, 2010
Messages
101
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
9w1
you sound like an INTJ to me!

my boyfriend is an INTJ and he (is NOT but) can seem more emotional than me--- and I have Fi as a dominant function. Not having a preference for feelings or emotions does not mean that you are emotionless but do not rely on them or UTILIZE to get along in the world (while all types & people should be well-rounded, this is how you operate best!)

Because you don't factor in other's feelings doesn't mean you might not be ready to display them sometimes when in an intense situation. My boyfriends inferior functions are his least-developed so he not the best at controlling them [in eyes of an innate feeler]. You might not do this often but when you do it can seem monumental due to rarity: catastrophic (angry rage) or infinitely heavy (depression). ***Remember that it might be difficult for you to describe how you don't absorb others' feelings (I on the other hand am SO affected by them that I have a hard time describing it too-- it's ok!!) :hug:

My boyfriend and I got into a deep discussion about our differences in feeling after an in-depth talk about..ROBOTS! :heart:
 

pyramid

New member
Joined
Feb 21, 2010
Messages
101
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
9w1
re: Confidence and other's opinions--

I see this as a touchy issue for INTJ. INTJ requires very few but very close people for feedback. Using your inner world dominantly can be even difficult for people to defend, and you do really use yourself as your own best critic-- motivating yourself through systematic judgements that can be interpreted as self-criticism, since your whole world is inside the self! Others' opinions DO matter, but not most of them!!

Too much self-criticism can display under-confidence, and compensatory Te can come across as egoism or arrogance when it is probably simply a mantra for the INTJ, self-motivating and reassuring by complimenting the self, rather than saying it to gloat to others. Confidence, a world of balance for the INTJ, you are the most utterly self-reliant type so you need access it almost always to defend your independence to others, and rarely for yourself because it is quite natural.
 

pyramid

New member
Joined
Feb 21, 2010
Messages
101
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
9w1
It's quite possible.
I've noticed that he's been trying to become more aware of other people's feelings and more considerate, and I'm proud of him. :) It's a real weakness for him - which I've always fascinated me. He's one of the most brilliant people I know and in the academic realm he dominates, but when it comes to something as simple imo as finding yourself, your identity, and being able to understand your emotions and empathize with others he literally crumbles.

I AGREE! I am trying to help my INTJ with the whole finding yourself thing, trying to explain how it has a relevance to time. He simply does not see the need to schedule in self-discovery, and I emphasize that there is no other part of life that is so greatly influencing on the other parts and yes he should try to fit it in :yes:
 
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