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Thread: INTJ women

  1. #1
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    Default INTJ women

    Has there been a thread about INTJ women?

    Based on my real life experience (which might not be worth much) they seem vastly different to me than the INTJ men I know. For starters, they have a lot more friendliness, courtesy and compassion. They can tolerate "incompetent idiots" a lot better without walking out of a room, too.

    Do I just know some really immature, unhealthy INTJ males, or does there tend to be significant difference between male and female INTJ's in your experience?
    I-71%, N-80%, F-74%, P-96%

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    12 and a half weeks Array BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jewelchild View Post
    Has there been a thread about INTJ women?

    Based on my real life experience (which might not be worth much) they seem vastly different to me than the INTJ men I know. For starters, they have a lot more friendliness, courtesy and compassion. They can tolerate "incompetent idiots" a lot better without walking out of a room, too.

    Do I just know some really immature, unhealthy INTJ males, or does there tend to be significant difference between male and female INTJ's in your experience?
    Some of them yes, but some of them are not like that at all. Same for the men.

    I know an INTJ who shocked me with his INTJ result lol because he is so warm and friendly. I felt connected to him because our Fi connected (I think).

    However I've run across some INTJ females who are nothing like that, not in touch with their Fi at all.
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    Your time is gonna come. Array Oom's Avatar
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    This isn't supposed to be a joke, but menstruation does alter hormone balance. It might be a reason that women INTJs are more compassionate than males. Also it could just be that males and females are vastly different anyways.

    My mum is an INTJ. She is also balanced, she can help come up with solutions to problems, she just can't console people. It might be a lack of direct empathy, but still having feelings of empathy and wanting to solve the issue.

    On the other hand, my brother "seems" to also be INTJ. He doesn't come up with solutions to "your" problems or show empathy, but at the same time is a very nice person.

    I don't know, I might have to think a little on this.

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    Senior Thread Terminator Array Aerithria's Avatar
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    They could also be responding to social pressure. It's much more acceptable for a guy to appear cold and distant than it is for a girl.
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    The INTJ woman that I posted about in my thread (who apparently has a personality twin in an acquaintance of yours, Jewelchild) has very little tolerance for idiots or incompetence. She regularly takes a condescending and, well, insulting tone with sales representatives when they blatantly fail to perform, and the extent of emotional comfort that she offers to close friends or family is to say stuff like, "wow, I'm really sorry, that must suck." In fact, she has such a low tolerance for incompetence and inefficiency that she sometimes gets visibly and verbally angry at The Office character Michael Scott.

    I don't know any other INTJs (male or female), so I can't really say whether I notice a significant difference in their behaviors. If my friend is any measure of other female INTJs, though, compassion is certainly not her strong suit. Maybe courtesy, but not really compassion.
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    Protocol Droid Array Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jewelchild View Post
    Has there been a thread about INTJ women?

    Based on my real life experience (which might not be worth much) they seem vastly different to me than the INTJ men I know. For starters, they have a lot more friendliness, courtesy and compassion. They can tolerate "incompetent idiots" a lot better without walking out of a room, too.

    Do I just know some really immature, unhealthy INTJ males, or does there tend to be significant difference between male and female INTJ's in your experience?
    There are INTJ women that lack those qualities (have met one), and INTJ men that do have them (have met several), though the scenario you describe is more common. However, you could argue that the INTJ men I mentioned were "feminine" and the INTJ woman was "masculine."

    It's quite possible that some INTJ men just never get in touch with their Fi, and overdevelop their Te due to social expectations.

    I'd draw an estimate like this:

    Female/Compassionate INTJs: 80%
    Female/Crude INTJs: 20%
    Male/Compassionate INTJs: 50%
    Male/Crude INTJs: 50%

    Essentially, the overall tendency is that INTJs will tend to become more tolerant/compassionate once they develop Fi. Female INTJs simply have more pressure on them to do this, but a male one is likely to as well, if they realize something is missing from their lives.

    In other words, mature INTJs are compassionate. Male INTJs just have less pressure on them to become mature, so the chances of meeting an immature male INTJ are much higher than the chances of meeting an immature female INTJ.

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    As an INTJ woman, I can only speak about my own experience because I only know one other INTJ woman, a cousin. I received a lot of flack from my mother growing up because I wasn't "social" and I had to learn to tap into my "F" and adapt enough to get along with other girls, especially since I went to a girls school. This has been helpful trying to relate to others, but I fear I am still very direct and tend to hurt people's feelings by not saying enough to comfort them or by saying too much of the wrong thing. I still relate better to men because of this. It seems to be the right level of a response.

    I don't have a lot of tolerance for idiots and incompetence, but I think I was compelled to be "nice" and polite about brushing them off.
    [SIGPIC]

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    half mystic, half skeksis Array jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    The INTJ woman that I posted about in my thread (who apparently has a personality twin in an acquaintance of yours, Jewelchild) has very little tolerance for idiots or incompetence. She regularly takes a condescending and, well, insulting tone with sales representatives when they blatantly fail to perform, and the extent of emotional comfort that she offers to close friends or family is to say stuff like, "wow, I'm really sorry, that must suck." In fact, she has such a low tolerance for incompetence and inefficiency that she sometimes gets visibly and verbally angry at The Office character Michael Scott.

    I don't know any other INTJs (male or female), so I can't really say whether I notice a significant difference in their behaviors. If my friend is any measure of other female INTJs, though, compassion is certainly not her strong suit. Maybe courtesy, but not really compassion.
    I had an INTJ female colleague exactly like that. When I first arrived, as an outside consultant of the department she ran, she exhibited no patience and zero tolerance. I was brought on because 3 people in her department had left, leaving her to handle the workload herself and she was burnt out.

    The other people in the building referred to her behind her back as derogatory name for a concentration camp guard.

    In our very first exchange, I asked her a simple question about how the machines were configured so I could get to work. She went on a lengthy diatribe about how since I was supposed to be a highly respected professional in this field, I should know how to operate the basic systems. Seriously, I had only asked her where the machines were located in the building.

    I then asked her another question at the end of the day - something about what things should be shut down and what should be left running, and she said something very snarky. I just looked at her and said that she better cool it with that attitude because I was not one of those punk bitches that would roll over and take it. I told her that she had met her match and we can either do it the easy way, or not - but it was up to her, and she had 10 seconds to decide how it was going to be. She was completely shocked because she had absolutely no idea that anything she had said or done would be considered rude or nasty. She was quite embarrassed and apologetic. You can tell no one had ever called her out on her behavior before. I had really hurt her.

    We went out for a few beers after work and talked about it, and now almost a decade later, she remains one of my closest, dearest and kindest friends. But man, she has a mouth on her.

  9. #9
    Te > Fi > Ni Array Shaula's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aerithria View Post
    They could also be responding to social pressure. It's much more acceptable for a guy to appear cold and distant than it is for a girl.
    +1

    And guys tend to prefer warm, considerate, and tolerant ladies than the cold, unintentionally bitchy ones. So if you're a female INTJ who's in search of a male companion it seems like a good idea to fit this role. Meh...

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    Essentially, the overall tendency is that INTJs will tend to become more tolerant/compassionate once they develop Fi.
    +1

    I believe my Fi is well developed. So when people first meet me, I may seem more like an NF. People think I'm a LOT nicer than I really am. On average I deal with stupidity pretty well (unless I'm in a bad mood). But when people actually get to know me better I act a lot more like an NT. One of my close friends has mentioned that my personality is 'abrasive', but I'm not too sure what she means.
    Is not to be held accuntable for peeling errors.

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