All INTPs out there...I am trying to understand my partner better (male). He is an INTP and from what I have read you guys can be pretty tricky customers indeed. Even his friends have congratulated me for lasting so long as they describe him as 'very hard to please'. Well I think we should both be pleased, but anyway...
What attracts me?
My father is an ENTJ and my mother is an INFP. I turned out an ENFJ.
I think what I like about my BF is that he is an interesting mix of two of the things I liked most about my parents.
He is strong willed and intelligent and I can have intense and abstract conversations with him. He also has a great love of being active and the outdoors.
However where my Dad was straight down the line and not quirky at all, my BF is just the opposite. He makes up songs and enjoys practical jokes that tend to piss me off at first. Then I work out that it was his attempt to be funny but by then it is a bit boom-boom. Most of the time it just offends.
But I love his other worldy left-of-field side. We both love reading and exploring new places at our own pace. I give him plenty of space (we only see each other a few nights a week) and a lot of that time is spent reading or swimming etc. We are nearly always one-on-one and at his house. He hates going to my house (and it's a nice house!) but I have tried to accept that he is only really going to be relaxed in his own zone.
My main trouble is this - he seems to be very easily frustrated and almost a tryant at times. He is very attuned to his own discomfort and if other people are not listening to him, yet he fazes out rapidly as soon as anyone else talks - almost as if he doesn't think they are worth the effort. This sometimes embarasses me when we are with family/friends. It also hurts me when a lot of the time it seems he would rather read the paper and won't give me eye contact, even when I have just actively listened to him talk about himself for a long time.
I continue to listen more than talk but it gets me down sometimes. I have stopped sharing some of my best ideas and thoughts now for a long itme - about a year. Every now and again I will test the waters but he just walks out of the room or watches the TV or reads so I give up trying. What happens then is that my friends and family get the best of me and know me (in my eyes anyway) a lot better. He has noticed this and commented about three weeks ago that he should be nicer to me - that he has observed me having more fun with my friends than with him. He has lately been asking me about my day, how I am etc which shows he is trying, but he doesn't seem particularly concerned about the response! I guess it is a slow process. What is weird is that sometimes he does remember things I have said very well - so something must occasionally be getting in.
I am most worried about how he will be as a parent. Are any of you fathers? How did you cope with having to support a partner through labour? Were you interested in the pregnancy and tried to be involved? Do you see that it takes two to raise a kid or are you off in another world while your partner looks after all of the day-to-day stuff? I have this horrible vision of being at the hospital and him checking his watch and getting impatient because he has more important things to do. Would that happen? Can an INTP be happy to support others at least in big things like that? I just don't think I can be trying to cater to his needs while I am going through something like that - I would rather have my sisters and mother with me instead!
I don't mean to sound too cynical. He is an interesting person to know and can be surprisingly sweet - but I just can't picture him reading baby books and getting up for a screaming toddler - help! Please give me some insight (and hope - if there is reason for it).