These seem like they were made as some sort of joke in reference to something specific (maybe a specific site, or a specific discussion thread), but if I were to take them at face value and actually evaluate which one I match most closely, I'd have to say it's a mixture of 1 and 2. Liberal Loser and Golden Boy/Girl. Mostly Liberal Loser.
And, just to offer a different opinion, I think that, aside from the getting laid and going out to get drinks bits, the Cynical Realist sounds pretty lame. Educated, yet stuck in "stupid and meaningless jobs?" Are the "street philosopher, the beat poet, the writers, and fountains of knowledge and wisdom?" Eww. "Street philosopher" alone sounds suspect to me. The overall impression I get is that this type of person is a loser who likes to mask their under-achievement with sarcasm and pompous self-importance. Bullshitters.