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  1. #21
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Thanks kora

    Yeah well it's not just socializing at all, but the particular friends she has there that she's attached to. It's become apparent to me that she just attaches to things in a way that's quite alien to me, and in the past when I've sorta wrenched her out of situations that, in the bigger picture sorta view, I've believed were not beneficial, she's resented me later for separating her from these people she was attached to, way more than I could've anticipated.

    I wish there were another drama group for her to go to - sadly, this is Lincolnshire, a very large but very unpopulated area of England, where not a lot goes on for kids at all, let alone stuff that's affordable, really... but like I say even if I did find her something else to do, she'd still resent being taken away from those friends at the youth group.

    It's easy for me to say 'but you'll make new friends' - the idea of THOSE friends meaning so much is a bit odd to me - not that my friends don't mean a lot to me as well but it's just that level of emotional attachment she has, y'know? I'm a bit petrified of uh, violating it? Is that the right word??

    But... just to clarify, this isn't an isolated kid we're talking about, the youth group isn't like her only chance to socialize or anything like that, she has a lot of friends and other stuff she does elsewhere.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  2. #22
    Rats off to ya! Mort Belfry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Sorry Mort, I guess the Simon Amstell thing misled me... lol
    I live in New Zealand, where there's a deficit of good comedy. So I've had to steal from the UK all my life.

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I think I'll just have a chat with her and let her know that whilst I'm more than happy to go to see her plays at school or drama club or whatever, she'll just have to accept that at church I probably won't for the time being...
    That's probably all you can do. I'm out of advice and I think I'm out of my depth. You sound like you have more patience than I would.
    Why do we always come here?

    I guess we'll never know.

    It's like a kind of torture,
    To have to watch this show.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Kora's Avatar
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    I see your point there... I didn't thought about that because I'm also that detached.
    Can't she see her friends out of the church?
    5w4 - Idiosyncratic/Leisurely/Dramatic
    It's the devil's way now.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kora View Post
    I see your point there... I didn't thought about that because I'm also that detached.
    Can't she see her friends out of the church?
    She does see the one or two who live on the same estate as us, but only rarely - they all go to different schools, y'know, with homework and whatever else, and the distances involved, it's not really logistically feasible.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  5. #25
    Senior Member Kora's Avatar
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    What a mess... I can't think of anything else.
    On another issue, won't the church treat her differently if you're an 'outcast'? Watch that, she might not tell you anything.
    I'm afraid that sooner or later you'll have to take her out of there.
    5w4 - Idiosyncratic/Leisurely/Dramatic
    It's the devil's way now.

  6. #26
    desert pelican Owl's Avatar
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    I didn't mean to imply that you were pretending everything is OK. (I apologise for my poor sentence construction).

    What we believe matters, and if you can't go without appearing to accept all that goes along with regular attendance, then you shouldn't go.

    Teaching K that there are things of more value in life than mere socialising and that we should have integrity between what we say and what we do is more valuable than the warm fuzzies she'll get by seeing you in the audience.

  7. #27
    Rats off to ya! Mort Belfry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kora View Post
    On another issue, won't the church treat her differently if you're an 'outcast'? Watch that, she might not tell you anything.
    I was thinking about that. In fact I was wondering if part of her wanting you to attend isn't indirectly at their insistence. If she is made to feel different from other children who's parents participate.
    Why do we always come here?

    I guess we'll never know.

    It's like a kind of torture,
    To have to watch this show.

  8. #28
    Rats off to ya! Mort Belfry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Owl View Post
    Teaching K that there are things of more value in life than mere socialising and that we should have integrity between what we say and what we do is more valuable than the warm fuzzies she'll get by seeing you in the audience.
    That might be hard to teach to a twelve year old Fe-dom.

    As a Ti-dom at that age could you have been taught that there are things of more value in life than mere integrity and that we should all be out socialising? I know I couldn't have been.
    Why do we always come here?

    I guess we'll never know.

    It's like a kind of torture,
    To have to watch this show.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Kora's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mort Belfry View Post
    As a Ti-dom at that age could you have been taught that there are things of more value in life than mere integrity and that we should all be out socialising? I know I couldn't have been.
    Neither me *sighs*.
    5w4 - Idiosyncratic/Leisurely/Dramatic
    It's the devil's way now.

  10. #30
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kora View Post
    What a mess... I can't think of anything else.
    On another issue, won't the church treat her differently if you're an 'outcast'? Watch that, she might not tell you anything.
    I'm afraid that sooner or later you'll have to take her out of there.
    well, it could be that she'll get bored of it of her own accord... I dunno... hope springs eternal!

    Nah I don't think the 'outcast' thing is anything to worry about, one of the reasons I chose high church anglican was because it's not cultish like that, one is free to come and go in most cases without being judged or questions asked*... I think this case is just a bit anomalous because my role as a parent (in the pure, secular sense) is being confused with my role as a parent in the spiritual sense...

    Mort - most of the parents only participate when their kids are giving performances... edit - and then, not always!

    *it's the closest I could find to RC in that respect, since RC won't have me and TBH, as it is today, I won't have it either!!
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

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