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Thread: INTP + ESTJ

  1. #41
    Senior Member weminuche's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    Maybe in the corporate world [in which case, as an INTP, what the hell are you doing in that world in the first place] but socially, they're tons of fun and great peoples.
    One of my employees is an ESTJ, sales guy, perfect type for that. We get along great, fun, funny, great people person and energetic. He can also quickly round up a bunch of girls just about anywhere. I had him take the test at personality pages. He is 93% E.

    Conflict resolution is where things can get ugly, especially with an SO or spouse.

    ESTJ :steam: --> INTP

    Not a prob in this case bec if he pisses me off, I can just fire his ass, and he knows it.

  2. #42
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Unique View Post
    INTP + ESTJ... I've only got one question

    Why?
    Quote Originally Posted by weminuche View Post
    Because shewas hot as hell and loads of easygoing fun.....for about a year or two. Not likely to ever go there again though!
    I see you went into this after much reflection and with eyes wide open. How INTP of you.
    [hopes no children are involved]
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  3. #43
    Senior Member weminuche's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by InaF3157 View Post
    I see you went into this after much reflection and with eyes wide open. How INTP of you.
    [hopes no children are involved]
    INTP males are still males, and the other smaller head gets a vote too....I think mine is an ESFP.

    The point of that statement was specifically to illustrate that it was not a very smart or well thought out move, but it's a mistake I'd be willing to bet that damn near every guy of any type has made.

    Also, those 1-2 yrs were about 15 yrs ago. I've matured a bit since then.

  4. #44
    Senior Member weminuche's Avatar
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    Yup that's it. I have decided that my little head is a poorly balanced ESFP.

    Portrait of an ESFP

    ESFP is definitely a spontaneous, optimistic individual. They love to have fun. If the ESFP has not developed their Thinking side by giving consideration to rational thought processing, they tend to become over-indulgent, and place more importance on immediate sensation and gratification than on their duties and obligations. They may also avoid looking at long-term consequences of their actions.

    For the ESFP, the entire world is a stage. They love to be the center of attention and perform for people. They're constantly putting on a show for others to entertain them and make them happy. They enjoy stimulating other people's senses, and are extremely good at it. They would love nothing more than for life to be a continual party, in which they play the role of the fun-loving host.
    I 60% / N 60% / T 64% / P 76%

    You always get what you settle for.

  5. #45
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by weminuche View Post
    The point of that statement was specifically to illustrate that it was not a very smart or well thought out move, but it's a mistake I'd be willing to bet that damn near every guy of any type has made.
    I doubt every guy gets married to a largely incompatible person because she was hawt and fun. Sounds reckless to me. Otherwise, yes - everybody - male or female - makes "not very smart or well thought out" moves at some point.
    hoarding time and space
    A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
    — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  6. #46
    Senior Member weminuche's Avatar
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    I doubt every guy gets married to a largely incompatible person because she was hawt and fun. Sounds reckless to me.
    You are assuming an awful lot. That was what BROUGHT us together only.

    We actually dated for about 7 yrs before we got married. Other than a lot of difficulty resolving conflicts....and there weren't many of those pre-marriage ....we got along well, usually enjoyed each others company and didnt have any deal-breaker incompatibility issues.

    Then..... I decided to start my own business, and she refused to support the idea, no matter what I said or how I explained it and despite the fact that she knew absolutely nothing about the product or market for it. She was convinced it would never make much money, and that was reason enough for her. She was wrong, but she will never admit it nor will she ever forgive me for doing it over her objections.

    In protest, she quit her $100K+/yr job and decided to be a stay at home mom....she is now financing her new-found obsession with competing with the Jones's materially, and trying to climb to the top of the area social ladder using money from "the stupid business thing" I started.

    The conflict resolution problem made us both miserable after a couple years of marriage.... she became much more determined to mold me into what she thought I should be...creating a lot of conflict. In spite of that, I was happy enough to stay with her forever. Her not supporting me in my business, and me not supporting her social climber materialistic crusade drove us apart. We now have some deal breaker incompatibility issues. Only a couple, but that's all it takes.
    Last edited by weminuche; 07-28-2009 at 03:38 PM. Reason: added a bit at the end.
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  7. #47
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by weminuche View Post
    You are assuming an awful lot. That was what BROUGHT us together only.
    Well now - you said . . . So you liked her enough for marriage beyond her hotness and fun times. That makes more sense.

    Quote Originally Posted by weminuche View Post
    We actually dated for about 7 yrs before we got married. Other than a lot of difficulty resolving conflicts....and there weren't many of those pre-marriage ....we got along well, usually enjoyed each others company and didnt have any deal-breaker incompatibility issues.

    Then..... I decided to start my own business, and she refused to support the idea, no matter what I said or how I explained it and despite the fact that she knew absolutely nothing about the product or market for it. She was convinced it would never make much money, and that was reason enough for her. She was wrong, but she will never admit it nor will she ever forgive me for doing it over her objections.

    In protest, she quit her $100K+/yr job and decided to be a stay at home mom....she is now financing her new-found obsession with competing with the Jones's materially, and trying to climb to the top of the area social ladder using money from "the stupid business thing" I started.

    The conflict resolution problem made us both miserable after a couple years of marriage.... she became much more determined to mold me into what she thought I should be...creating a lot of conflict. In spite of that, I was happy enough to stay with her forever. Her not supporting me in my business, and me not supporting her social climber materialistic crusade drove us apart. We now have some deal breaker incompatibility issues. Only a couple, but that's all it takes.
    Whoa. 7 years should have given you lots of time for reflection - assuming you reflected with the right head, of course . People who develop whole other personalities after you're already tied to them baffle me.

    Sometimes I wonder if assuming works better in the long run . . . assuming a certain conflict style will not resolve and working on the basis of the worst case scenario, rather than giving the person the benefit of the doubt that they'll mature into proper conflict resolution later.
    hoarding time and space
    A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
    — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  8. #48
    Senior Member weminuche's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    In my relationships with INTPs, they don't annoy me until I begin to annoy them, and their seemingly disproportionate reaction to me is what drives me nuts. So... yeah.
    This sounds familiar. For me one of the greatest gifts you can give someone is leeway to be themselves. I see trying to get someone to be the way you want them to be, or do what you want them to do as selfish.

    I end up overlooking a lot of what my ESTJ partner does that I dont like and never communicating it to her, since to me it would be kinda selfish and arrogant to do so. Because of that, when she jumps my ass about something I see as minor, I can get angry and defensive pretty quick.

    Obviously good communication is lacking on both sides, but maybe that will help you understand the other side a bit.
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  9. #49
    Senior Member weminuche's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by InaF3157 View Post
    rather than giving the person the benefit of the doubt that they'll mature into proper conflict resolution later.
    That is no doubt the prudent thing to do. When you are heavily invested in the relationship, still attracted to them and cursed by your INTP need to PROVE something empirically (which of course is very hard to do with people matters) before feeling good about a huge decision, it is easy to find reasonable doubt and some glimmer of hope and delude yourself.

    People who develop whole other personalities after you're already tied to them baffle me.
    I think in this case anyway, it isnt so much a whole new personality as much as letting some portion/s of your personality takeover and run away unbridled.....where they were previously tempered and held in check to a more healthy balanced level.
    I 60% / N 60% / T 64% / P 76%

    You always get what you settle for.

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by weminuche View Post
    That is no doubt the prudent thing to do. When you are heavily invested in the relationship, still attracted to them and cursed by your INTP need to PROVE something empirically (which of course is very hard to do with people matters) before feeling good about a huge decision, it is easy to find reasonable doubt and some glimmer of hope and delude yourself.
    tell me about it.


    I think in this case anyway, it isnt so much a whole new personality as much as letting some portion/s of your personality takeover and run away unbridled.....where they were previously tempered and held in check to a more healthy balanced level.
    Aha! I thought so. I'm skeptical when I hear about people changing after marriage, because I think they can only evolve so much from the starting point - barring a traumatic event or brain injury. Quite possibly her traits were either tamed to allow her to make a good impression or were observed but played down optimistically because too much was invested already, like you described up top.
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    hoarding time and space
    A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
    — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

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