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Thread: Ethical dilemma

  1. #51
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    Sorry Bella, didn't mean to make you feel shouted down.
    Cool by the pool!
    yesiknowimamiserablegrouchnowgoawayovmeleor

    It's Mizzz ST, thank you...

  2. #52
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    re. ISTP and responsibility - I don't think he's so much bothered about being seen as responsible, but honorable, definitely. It would very much bother him to feel that people think of him as somebody who can't be trusted; despite being slack in taking responsibility with his own affairs and personal life etc, he does stick by his word with other people and means what he says, etc. and would feel pretty insulted to have it suggested otherwise...
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  3. #53
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    This is a rough spot to be in, for you and for your friend. I would be VERY suspicious of her motives as well, from what you've reported about her behavior. I don't think I would inform on her, though, if for no other reason than I wouldn't want to get my friend in trouble. I don't know jack about immigration law, though- if it turned out that he wouldn't suffer any legal aftereffects himself, I'd be tempted. But most likely I still wouldn't, for the reason others have stated: it's his mess and if he doesn't make the decision to clean it up himself it's possible it could backfire.

    Ouch, though, really. This sucks. I'm sorry you have to witness your friend mucking up his life like this.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  4. #54
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    I'm empathetic about your concern for your friend sub. It's a real downer to watch someone you love making a large mistake as your friend has done.

    My experience has been that any attempt for me to try to make change in other people's lives, unless it is spontaneously asked for has ended in regret.

    Not my job, ya know.

    When I said "spontaneously" that also means not attempting to manipulate your friend into asking for help! Hear that?

    Or as someone told me recently when I was pondering an issue I have with how much mothering to inflict on my son, "You don't want to insult his competence, do you? And you don't want to rob him of the opportunity to learn from his mistakes, do you?"

    I heard that. Sigh.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  5. #55
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Somebody tell my mom that? She's still mothering my 22 year old brother. A lot.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  6. #56
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Ivy, mine's thirty-two and I might be finally getting it!
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  7. #57
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    I think it's a terrible idea to inform on this woman behind your friend's back, even if it's for his own good. He has to be the one to make that decision. It's fine to talk to him about it and help him to clarify his own feelings for her, but I know if a friend of mine went behind my back on something that important, it would probably be the end of the friendship. Because who are they to decide without my input, what's best for my life?

    If you do decide to talk to him about it, definitely keep it honest. Don't make up situations that aren't true to scare him into turning her in. At least take full responsibility and own up to the fact that you are the one that's a bit concerned about her. You might suggest to him that keeping her there without papers is likely to get HIM into legal trouble. I don't think anyone would reasonably be upset at having that fact pointed out to them.

  8. #58
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Don't we get a response, sub?
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  9. #59
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    yeah sure, when there's something to report
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  10. #60
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    You made a choice how to handle it?
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

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