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  1. #41
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    This book was a revelation to me at age 12. I think ENTP's need a system for understanding others.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  2. #42
    Senior Member BlackOp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    So you're old enough to remember that commercial?


    How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie


    My suggestion:
    Learn to not be so selfish and self-centered because it's offensive and/or hurtful to other people.
    That's what I had to do.
    It reads like a manual on how to manipulate others...the working title could have been "how to make people whitewash your fence...and enjoy doing it". I dont have the "used car salesman" temperament. I think premeditating my approach would be selfish and self-centered.

    Maybe I could give it a shot....I was asking for advice after all.
    "A species of perfection and fantasy"......

  3. #43
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackOp View Post
    It reads like a manual on how to manipulate others...the working title could have been "how to make people whitewash your fence...and enjoy doing it". I dont have the "used car salesman" temperament. I think premeditating my approach would be selfish and self-centered. Maybe I could give it a shot....i was asking for advice.
    Again, I think this is the introvert reluctance to influence social externalities. Manipulation in popular conversation is a loaded term, but by definition it is value neutral. If your aim is true, your goals are noble and open handed, and you are respectful of the individual, must manipulation be an evil? Let me put it another way, do you never express a feeling or sentiment with a desired outcome in mind? Do you never communicate with another to achieve closeness or friendship? You seem to be saying that consciously acting with such goals in mind is manipulative. Likewise, Carnegie does not condone dishonesty. I believe he states this emphatically in the opening chapters. Only the pure of heart should proceed.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  4. #44
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    Don't talk. Play Chess.

  5. #45
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    Just smile and nod until they hit on something interesting.

    If they never hit on something interesting, try not to have to talk to them again.
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  6. #46
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    This book was a revelation to me at age 12. I think ENTP's need a system for understanding others.
    You should make a thread about that or at least explain yourself further.

    That is indeed good stuff
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  7. #47
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackOp View Post
    Can anyone share "tips" on how to circumvent my true nature (intj). Finding boring people interesting. It seems this is the one thing I have trouble mastering. I have tried everything and it just gets worse....... My best buddy (istj) can do this effortlessly.....uncanny in his ability to connect with people. I think he is just selfishly lying to them but he doesnt see it like that.
    Few people are genuinely boring. Almost everyone has secrets, skeletons in their closets, or things in their past or quirks that are intriguing.

    A lot of people though, keep all of this inside, and only reveal it to a select few.

    A lot of people are waiting for you to show some sign of opening up yourself, before they spill their 'interesting' parts to you.

    I find that, in seemingly recklessly confessing something myself, this tends to result in the other person being somewhat disarmed, their barriers temporarily broken down, and they can reveal things that give you a 'way in' to get to their interesting parts. It doesn't have to be a 'shocking' confession, just something human and fallible... often just something mundane, sharing a mundane part of your life makes them suddenly start to open up. I've had it once where I've been trying to get someone to be interesting without success, then when I mentioned I had to pick up my car from the garage cos thieves broke into it the night before, it triggered a conversation wherein I recklessly revealed that I used to commit car crime myself (but am not proud and have reformed), causing that person to then spill this massive catalogue of bizarre and amazing stuff they've done. And I'd previously thought they were boring

    But, this works for me... it might not (you might say probably won't) work for you, as a technique.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  8. #48
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    haha posted before you :p
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  9. #49
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    haha posted before you :p
    you talkin' to me or chewing a brick? cos either way you're gonna break your teeth, sunshine!

    Haha, no, I can't even carry that off jokingly LOL
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  10. #50
    Senior Member BlackOp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    It doesn't have to be a 'shocking' confession, just something human and fallible... often just something mundane, sharing a mundane part of your life makes them suddenly start to open up.
    I think you are on to something. I find myself reluctant to talk about the mundane aspects of life...mainly because I dont remember them.
    "A species of perfection and fantasy"......

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