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  1. #21
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Generally, you could ask them questions about themselves and put yourself to the task of finding something of interest in it and maybe rise to the challenge of being social and courteous. Keep digging.

  2. #22
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Generally, you could ask them questions about themselves and put yourself to the task of finding something of interest in it and maybe rise to the challenge of being social and courteous. Keep digging.
    or....just ask them a question about themselves
    people will then feel obliged to brag and boast - you can then go stand in the line at the 2nd nearest starbucks

    by then - they should be done
    I N V I C T U S

  3. #23
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    As someone with a short attention span it is a constant struggle to stay interested in what other people say especially if it is not altogether instantly compelling, but I know implicitly that it has nothing to do with the other person, so I do try to make an honest effort even if it's just an attempt at optimizing my own discipline.

  4. #24
    Senior Member BlackOp's Avatar
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    Here is where the "conflict" lies. My type is rare (I think "realized" intj's are far less than 1 in a 100) and this leads to problems. People arent acclimated to dealing with the "ultra-criticals" in light social environments.....it is uncomfortable. No one likes to have their shortcomings exposed in such an effortless manor...its unconsciously threatening. Sensors detect this immediately...and they are everywhere. It is terrible to know you are doing it as it happens but cant control it....its just the energy that projects from you. I try to 'dumb down" and am an absolute failure...like a zebra in a tree. I'm not fooling anybody. I know it makes them uncomfortable and just play damage control....but what about me? No one seems to take the same strides and its frustrating. I really want to be better at it.:steam:
    "A species of perfection and fantasy"......

  5. #25
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    No one likes to have their shortcomings exposed in such effortless manor...it threatening.
    You will be hard-pressed to find someone who actually enjoys this. Some will handle with equanimity while many will take offense. If you would be liked, be likable. I daresay being critical will not get you there, though you and I would probably enjoy a little competitive debate, which would likely annoy anyone else not actively competing. If you can't be charming just smile and ask basic questions. The most charming people I have ever met were the ones who imposed themselves the least and who were the most receptive and attentive to their conversational companions.

  6. #26
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Also for general guidelines on the social graces I have always enjoyed, Lord Chesterfield's letters to his son: The Letters of the Earl of ... - Google Book Search

    Highly recommended.

  7. #27
    Senior Member BlackOp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Also for general guidelines on the social graces I have always enjoyed, Lord Chesterfield's letters to his son: The Letters of the Earl of ... - Google Book Search

    Highly recommended.
    I am a terrible liar........but at my finest when I'm surrounded by them. Not surprising they fail to recognize my "charm".........
    "A species of perfection and fantasy"......

  8. #28
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    The only thing anyone recognizes is their own charm, which is why to charm you must be charmed.

    The people who do not project their own ego will like you anyway.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    The only thing anyone recognizes is their own charm, which is why to charm you must be charmed.

    The people who do not project their own ego will like you anyway.
    Synarch, meet Victor.....Victor, meet Synarch.
    yesiknowimamiserablegrouchnowgoawayovmeleor

    It's Mizzz ST, thank you...

  10. #30
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bella View Post
    Synarch, meet Victor.....Victor, meet Synarch.
    Who is Victor, Bella?

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