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  1. #1

    Default What ought we do with negative feelings?

    Let us say one begins to feel worthless and hopeless, and knows these feelings are greatly out of proprtion to the events that triggered them.

    What is the best course of action:
    1) Distract oneself with diversions?
    2) Exercise, rely on endorphins and better sustained health to make the ill-feelings disappear?
    3) Keep a "stiff upper lip" and keep doing what needs to be done?
    4) Keep telling yourself that the feelngs are not proportional to the situation and hope they go away?
    5) Embrace fully the feelings and do what the associated impulse are with a belief that they will be "out of your system?"
    6) Seek professional help?
    7) Something else?

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  2. #2
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    I think we should just let them eat us alive.

  3. #3
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    1, 2, 3, 5, 7. 6 for some.

  4. #4
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Rationalize them to death.

  5. #5
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ygolo View Post
    Let us say one begins to feel worthless and hopeless, and knows these feelings are greatly out of proportion to the events that triggered them.

    What is the best course of action:
    1) Distract oneself with diversions?
    2) Exercise, rely on endorphins and better sustained health to make the ill-feelings disappear?
    3) Keep a "stiff upper lip" and keep doing what needs to be done?
    4) Keep telling yourself that the feelings are not proportional to the situation and hope they go away?
    5) Embrace fully the feelings and do what the associated impulse are with a belief that they will be "out of your system?"
    6) Seek professional help?
    7) Something else?
    Kidding aside... what you are addressing sounds serious.

    In my experience, feeling worthless and hopeless, out of proportion to the event that triggered it, is usually caused by the re-opening or touching of an unhealed wound from the past. Sometimes I know what the past wound is, and sometimes I don't.

    Ignoring the feelings will just make the same thing happen again at another time.
    It is important to deal with the pain by facing it.

    It depends on the person I guess but what has successfully worked for me several times is using the steps of the grieving process to face the pain. I write down all my feelings and cry or get angry if I need to. I end up forgiving the person/s who caused the original wound, and I am ready to accept my life and re-invest in it again.

    As I said this method has worked for me several times,
    on even the most painful wounds of my life.

  6. #6

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    I am feeling worthless and hopeless after a mediocre review--which was "not below expecations" but "still concerning"--the worst review, I've gotten, and its "not below expectations." Feelings are not proportional to event that triggered it, and it was lingered for a while.

    I've noticed I get these feeling whenever my performance gets near or below average in some group. It almost makes no difference what it is. But having it happen at work is most disconcerting.

    But there are other things too. Even when I got a ticket (I didn't get any traffic tickets till last year, and then I got 3 in the span of two years).

    I does not make any sense. I don't know what "past wound" I would have either.

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  7. #7
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    Rationalize them to death.
    it works for me
    i usually just picture killing the person, seductively
    but yeah - whatever floats your boat or cuts your brakes
    I N V I C T U S

  8. #8
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Allow yourself to experience them, don't be critical, don't be fearful, and examine what they're about and from where they emanate without pushing them away hastily. It takes practice.

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    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Allow yourself to experience them, don't be critical, don't be fearful, and examine what they're about and from where they emanate without pushing them away hastily. It takes practice.
    I N V I C T U S

  10. #10
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ygolo View Post
    I am feeling worthless and hopeless after a mediocre review--which was "not below expectations" but "still concerning"--the worst review, I've gotten, and its "not below expectations." Feelings are not proportional to event that triggered it, and it was lingered for a while.

    I've noticed I get these feeling whenever my performance gets near or below average in some group. It almost makes no difference what it is. But having it happen at work is most disconcerting.

    But there are other things too. Even when I got a ticket (I didn't get any traffic tickets till last year, and then I got 3 in the span of two years).

    I does not make any sense. I don't know what "past wound" I would have either.
    Do you know what your enneagram is?
    Maybe the answer is in there somewhere.

    But yeah, "not below expectations" is like a punch in the stomach.

    If you can't remember what the wound is right off the top of your head, I don't recommend going into your past memory and stirring up trouble, but maybe spending 10 or 15 minutes on thinking back and trying to recall the first time you ever felt that way would be good.
    It could be perfection-related or shame-related, and almost always parent-related.

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