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  1. #71
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    I've been thinking about this since you posted it, and I'm just not sure. I think I want to, but maybe I'm holding back because of the accountability it would entail.
    I like having friends who I can be verbally intimate with (and if I had my choice, I'd love to just be able to talk to anyone about anything, I usually don't like to have to keep walls up, I'd rather be transparent); but when you bump someone up to that "good friend" level sometimes there are time and proximity commitments involved in it... and that is usually what prohibits me from doing so.

    Realistically, a person can only afford to have those sorts of commitments made to a small circle of people, due to the limited resources that we all have as human beings.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  2. #72
    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post

    Realistically, a person can only afford to have those sorts of commitments made to a small circle of people, due to the limited resources that we all have as human beings.
    Logic.


    This signature left intentionally blank.

    Really.

  3. #73
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Natrushka View Post
    Logic.
    Oh, I know, I know -- and with some people that flies about as well as pigs.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #74
    shoshaku jushaku rivercrow's Avatar
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    Interesting thread.

    Oddly, I end up being the provider of succor, although I don't feel I am very good at it. I think it's because I enjoy listening to people and reframing what I have heard. I like hearing voices; I realized a long time ago that I prefer music with vocals much better than without, generally.

    Jennifer makes a good point with time and energy expenditure. I could add something, but not right now.

    As far as asking for help myself.... It depends on many factors. I know I am more likely to ask non-relations for assistance because I usually feel that the relationship is stronger and less likely to involve some kind of blackmail. Glasser's comment that strong, meaningful relationship is key to not depressing has made me think very hard about the connections I have and trust.
    Who rises in the morning, looks in the mirror and says, "I think I will do something stupid today?" -- James Hollis
    If people never did silly things nothing intelligent would ever get done. -- Ludwig Wittgenstein
    Whaling is illegal in Oklahoma.

  5. #75
    Senior Member raincrow007's Avatar
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    Would someone for the love of god take all this smooshy friend stuff out of the "Do you answer your phone?" thread?

    Oh, and all the driving stuff too.

  6. #76
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raincrow007 View Post
    Would someone for the love of god take all this smooshy friend stuff out of the "Do you answer your phone?" thread?

    Oh, and all the driving stuff too.
    No, it's relevant. It's exploring phone answerage/non-answerage and the deeper, less obvious reasons for it. :P
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  7. #77
    Senior Member raincrow007's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    No, it's relevant. It's exploring phone answerage/non-answerage and the deeper, less obvious reasons for it. :P
    Suuuuuuuuuure. :rolli:

  8. #78
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    New idea for the ENTP T-shirt: EVERYTHING'S RELEVANT!

    (though I did like Meshou's "Fuck sticking to the subject" one)
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
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  9. #79
    Member OK Radio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raincrow007 View Post
    Would someone for the love of god take all this smooshy friend stuff out of the "Do you answer your phone?" thread?

    Oh, and all the driving stuff too.
    Like substitute said, it is relevant in that answering a telephone call means engaging in social obligations. It's the comfort level one has with interaction that drives how one views the instrument of the telephone.

    A reluctance to answer the telephone is directly proportional to a reluctance to engage with the demands of society at any given moment.

    The fear of leaning on others gives rise to the fear of being leaned on too heavily, or vice versa. It's very chicken and egg. Which fear came first?

    Either fear causes problems with phone calls. Either you're dreading an interminable bout of complaints you cannot handle, or you're struggling with keeping the concerns that preoccupy you at bay.

    I'll grant you the driving on the wrong side of the road bit, albeit, it naturally stemmed from the flow of this thread.

  10. #80
    It's always something... PuddleRiver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I answer if I feel like it, or not if I don't. If I really don't, I unplug it. I do have caller ID, because sometimes I may feel like answering the phone, only to find that it's someone I don't want to talk to, like my ex or the bank manager, for example, or someone who's bound to be asking me to do something.

    If people ask why I didn't pick up when I knew it was them, I just say I didn't look at the caller ID, cos I was busy doing something else. Or I just say I didn't feel like picking up the phone that time. If they take issue with that, I tell them that a telephone is there so you can be contacted when you want to be, not so that everyone and his wife can contact you whenever they want, at their convenience. I ask them if they'd think it was okay to go knocking on people's doors without notice all the time, expecting them to let you into their house, drop everything and talk to them, no matter what? Cos that's what you're doing when you're phoning someone - invading their home with your presence, which they're by no means obliged to tolerate/accept unless they want to.

    I don't answer the phone compulsively, and people who do (and who think everyone should) get on my nerves. Like people whose cellphone rings in the middle of a conversation at a dinner date they made with you, and rather than switch it off (as I would, before I arrived even), they answer it and spend the next half an hour having a totally separate conversation from the others at the table, while the others don't know whether they should carry on or wait for them to finish. Very rude, IMO.

    And ENTP, if it wasn't obvious

    My eldest daughter, the ENFJ, however, is like a meerkat. Every time a pin drops in the other hemisphere, she's popping her head up and looking out of the window to see if it's someone for her. It's kinda like having my own butler - I never have to get up to answer the door when she's around. She's there before the bell's even finished ringing. But even with the doorbell, I always check through the spyhole if it's someone I want to see, before opening up.
    You are my hero. I hate answering the phone. (INFJ) I figure that if I'm paying the bill it should be there for my convenience, not everyone else's.

    Of course, Hubby can hardly wait to answer it. He can't get to it fast enough. (ENTJ)

    Wow, that came off as really hard. I'm not that cold, I swear.
    "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay one invincible summer."
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