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  1. #51
    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I guess my earlier post in this thread made me come off more antisocial than I am... I mean, it's not like I take pride in being as awkward and incommunicado as possible. I realise that it's rather selfish of me sometimes to just refuse to pick up the phone because I don't feel like it, even if I'm not doing anything in particular. So sometimes (quite often actually) this thought overrides my tendency to not want to pick up, cos I figure, y'know, that's what friends are for, and if I was feeling down and just wanted to have a chat with a friend to cheer me up, I'd be pissed if my friend wouldn't be there for me just cos they felt like having a little introvert contest with themselves.
    FTR, I didn't think that. A few times I've made the mistake of picking up that ringing phone; no longer. I figure my friends and family would rather speak to me when I'm in a good mood, so I don't put any of us in that situation.

    A lot of you guys seem to sound like you're saying you only want friendship or contact with humans when it suits you and your purposes, and like your routines are so damn important you can't interrupt them for a minute to just give someone the courtesy of speaking to them - even if just to ask them to come back later cos you're not up for it right now - when they've made the effort to come to you. Bit rude, and very selfish, IMO.
    See above. I don't see it that way. It's not like you never speak to them. My friends and family have also learned that email is a much better way to contact me. As well, I don't expect them to answer my phone calls right then and there; I call, usually, to leave a message.

    This signature left intentionally blank.

    Really.

  2. #52
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    I think you're equating being available for telephone calls to being available in a general sense. ...
    No, I wasn't equating them, just sorta saying that the sorta unequivocal way some people were talking (didn't name any names and won't, though I didn't mean you lol), sounded like the thought process was no more complicated than "Do I feel like it? Is it important to me? No? Fuck them then."

    I was only responding to what people said, I wasn't making assumptions about the things they left unsaid. Like I was saying if that's the way y'all think, then that's selfish, rude and well, a bit pompous really. Like some aristocrat with a butler that fobs people off for his lordship, who is 'not receiving guests today'. But I wasn't assuming that's what you're all like, and if that's not it, then y'know, cool

    I also prefer e-mail or text simply because I'm actually allergic to the plastic they make phones out of and it gives me really bad skin to use the phone. But I still answer sometimes when I don't have to, and like you say Ivy, try to arrange a face to face chat or ask them over, so I don't have to talk on the phone for longer than I have to.

    EDIT - also, a lot of people in the UK and Europe generally don't have answer machines. I dunno, they just never caught on as big here.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  3. #53
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Seems like maybe some of this is cultural. I'm always fascinated by the little mundane differences between locales. Stuff that wouldn't stick out necessarily (less obvious than "OMG you guys drive on the left!").
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  4. #54
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Seems like maybe some of this is cultural. I'm always fascinated by the little mundane differences between locales. Stuff that wouldn't stick out necessarily (less obvious than "OMG you guys drive on the left!").
    Well yeah, and also a much higher percentage of people in Europe don't drive or don't have cars, and in the area I live, public transport stops at about 6.30pm to a lot of areas, so it's not as if my friends always have the option of seeing me face to face, and it's kinda no good sometimes to just say 'I'll see you tomorrow', if they need you now.

    I mean, suppose a person is calling because they need to talk to you, and they want to come over, and they're checking you're there and stuff? And you don't answer the phone? But they really need a friend so they haul their ass up to see you, and you don't answer the door? And your friend is in tears and feeling alone and stuff, while you're sat in there feeling smug and aloof cos you're so cool for y'know, not answering things. Yeah, very smart, very impressive...
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  5. #55
    Lallygag Moderator Geoff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Seems like maybe some of this is cultural. I'm always fascinated by the little mundane differences between locales. Stuff that wouldn't stick out necessarily (less obvious than "OMG you guys drive on the left!").
    I think you'll find he drives on the right like most of Europe

    -Geoff

  6. #56
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Well yeah, and also a much higher percentage of people in Europe don't drive or don't have cars, and in the area I live, public transport stops at about 6.30pm to a lot of areas, so it's not as if my friends always have the option of seeing me face to face, and it's kinda no good sometimes to just say 'I'll see you tomorrow', if they need you now.

    I mean, suppose a person is calling because they need to talk to you, and they want to come over, and they're checking you're there and stuff? And you don't answer the phone? But they really need a friend so they haul their ass up to see you, and you don't answer the door? And your friend is in tears and feeling alone and stuff, while you're sat in there feeling smug and aloof cos you're so cool for y'know, not answering things. Yeah, very smart, very impressive...
    I don't know. Part of this seems.. I don't think I'm THAT important to anybody outside of my immediate family, such that if they can't get ahold of me right away they'll be in tears. Or maybe this is why I can't seem to get close to anyone outside of my immediate family and my best friend, who may as well be immediate family.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
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  7. #57
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Geoff View Post
    I think you'll find he drives on the right like most of Europe

    -Geoff
    Left of the street, though, correct? I started to type "right?" but it confused me.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  8. #58
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Left of the street, though, correct? I started to type "right?" but it confused me.
    LOL no I live in England, drive on the left. Rest of Europe drives on the right. England can get away with this deviant behaviour, as it's an island and its roads don't have to cooperate with those of other countries!*

    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    I don't know. Part of this seems.. I don't think I'm THAT important to anybody outside of my immediate family, such that if they can't get ahold of me right away they'll be in tears. Or maybe this is why I can't seem to get close to anyone outside of my immediate family and my best friend, who may as well be immediate family.
    Well, thing is, some people might feel hurt by your sorta rejection of them (as they might well take it), and be in tears because of that! It's not like the only two alternatives are "Fuck them, ignore them" or "Let them in and let them take over your life and ruin all your quiet times". There is such a thing as the "One cup of tea and then start dropping hints", which says "I like you, I welcome you, but I'm just busy right now".




    *And also because some English people actually think they're not in Europe. Beats me, like they think they're a continent in themselves or something...?
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
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  9. #59
    Lallygag Moderator Geoff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Left of the street, though, correct? I started to type "right?" but it confused me.
    Most of Europe drives on the same side as the US, the right hand side of the street.

    The UK is unusual (within Europe) in driving on the left. Before someone badges it as the "wrong" side, it is used by about 1/3 of the world's population. Let's settle on "different".

    -Geoff

  10. #60
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post

    Well, thing is, some people might feel hurt by your sorta rejection of them (as they might well take it), and be in tears because of that! It's not like the only two alternatives are "Fuck them, ignore them" or "Let them in and let them take over your life and ruin all your quiet times". There is such a thing as the "One cup of tea and then start dropping hints", which says "I like you, I welcome you, but I'm just busy right now".
    I have a hard time drawing those lines, so for me (at least right now) it pretty much IS either of those first two options. I know myself well enough to know that I have a hard time telling people that I don't have time or energy to be supportive if I see that they need that, so it's probably best for everyone if they call another friend. This is probably why I have the one close friend and many satellite friends who I can't seem to bump up to that "good friend" level.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

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