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  1. #11
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    I wrote a poem yesterday...which helped me to understand/grasp (the nature of) what I was feeling. So there.

    Fi seems to work with Ni for me, making me feel very deeply, but in a non-concrete or person-oriented way. It's a flow, yeah, and you have to ride it and it's definitely introverted.

    As for the judging aspect, I've noticed I can get exessively upset about injustice, unfairness, unfair representations, lies...but again, about the concept of it, the idea of it, not the result. My strongest reactions occur when I am the victim of the injustice. Otherwise I'll be empathic, but not indignant.

    Speaking of empathy, an example: I will get upset when people don't make the effort to talk to a new person that's introduced into the group (a boyfriend of a girl in our group of friends, for example) and the new person is standing around in silence, but I thinks it stems from the fact that *I* wouldn't want to be in his situation, because it violates my principles, my ideas of "ideal" human interaction (and as an INTJ such situations used to be particularly difficult). I can put myself into the other person's shoes and live their pain. Now that I mention this, that's probably also what drives me to action - I go up to them and talk because I can sense their distress and it makes me uncomfortable. This process possesses an urgency that I recognise in my ESFP friend and that appears to be much less expressed in my INFJ friend. In that situation, I actually feel bad about/frustrated with the fact that the rest of my friends (except for the ESFP then) remain so apathetic, apparently they don't pick up the feeling.

    I guess it's very subject-oriented despite the fact that it can come across as catering to people, which it is I suppose. This last aspect might also be the reason why I am less "dominant" in a relationship than I am in all the other parts of my life. I think that this is something that other INTJs have mentioned as well.
    I second all that.

  2. #12
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Thirded

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    I can put myself into the other person's shoes and live their pain. Now that I mention this, that's probably also what drives me to action - I go up to them and talk because I can sense their distress and it makes me uncomfortable.
    A bit of Fe at work perhaps too?

  4. #14
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    A bit of Fe at work perhaps too?
    I'm not entirely devoid of Fe, naturally, but wouldn't going up to them be anti-Fe? The reaction of my friends often indicates that I'm doing something outside of the established social norms, I go there to address what lies beneath, because it tugs at me, not to define roles and figure out social relationship status by interacting with them.

    Extraverted Feeling

    I like this description of Fe.

    I've noticed that you can actually see the difference in the gifts you are given. A Fi user will give you a more personalised, original, quirky gift, a Fe user will give you a gift that corresponds with your role in society and in their lives, with the nature of the event etc.

  5. #15
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    I've noticed that you can actually see the difference in the gifts you are given. A Fi user will give you a more personalised, original, quirky gift, a Fe user will give you a gift that corresponds with your role in society and in their lives, with the nature of the event etc.
    Cripes, Fe is a tad more flexible than that.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  6. #16
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Then mentally add modifiers such as "more" and "are more likely to", "tend to" or "underlying their gift more often is" to the sentence.

    *lacks Fe* Actually it did briefly cross my mind that the sentence was a bit strong and might offend people, but it apparently wasn't enough for me to change it - that's not what it was about for me. I've run into trouble with a couple of INFJs because of this very thing.

    Anyhow, would you disagree?

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    I'm not entirely devoid of Fe, naturally, but wouldn't going up to them be anti-Fe? The reaction of my friends often indicates that I'm doing something outside of the established social norms, I go there to address what lies beneath, because it tugs at me, not to define roles and figure out social relationship status by interacting with them.

    Extraverted Feeling

    I like this description of Fe.

    I've noticed that you can actually see the difference in the gifts you are given. A Fi user will give you a more personalised, original, quirky gift, a Fe user will give you a gift that corresponds with your role in society and in their lives, with the nature of the event etc.
    Fe doesn't follow established norms all the time anymore than Te follows established thinking. Sometimes Fe just lets you connect with another person, social norms be dammed.

  8. #18
    Member Eryndil's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Babylon Candle View Post
    would any of you relate to: the desire to understand your emotions in a cause and effect sort of way? when I was younger I would feel like a slave to whatever i was feeling, if i had some strong feeling...like even though I would know why...i would just have to ride it out. If im in a certain mood, I have to listen to music that fits that mood, no matter how much I like some other song irrespective of the current mood.

    I was hoping there would be more responses. I could use more than an n= 3 for my psudo-study
    I can relate to that. Most of my life, I've been analysing my emotions (along with everything else!) so I usually understand what has caused a particular feeling. Unfortunately, that doesn't make it any easier to change how I feel. My situation is that I can usually control my emotions but when they are strong, they tend to control me instead.

    I do find myself drawn to music that reflects my mood. Sometimes I try to resist that temptation and listen to a more upbeat tune if I'm feeling bad. Very occasionally it works, but it's difficult to do.
    You what?

  9. #19
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    I... A Fi user will give you a more personalised, original, quirky gift, a Fe user will give you a gift that corresponds with your role in society and in their lives, with the nature of the event etc.
    Meh. Maybe if you're discussing it as a primary or perhaps secondary, but once you veer into tertiary land, it can go either way depending on situation/context.

    (Because also at that point, if Fi or Fe is your 3rd/4th function, that means you have either an S or an N with more dominance up front, and those things HEAVILY drive practicality vs quirk.)
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #20
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    I've focused on Fi extremely lot during my burnout years.. I've watched various TV drama series featuring unhappy love, drank booze and cried my eyes out.. Then, there has been happiness from doing what I consider right.. there has been extremely lot going on with my feelings for many years. I've longed for contact, mutual harmony, and disappointed of the world's cruelty. I've exposed myself to feelings freely; searched what they say, where they'll lead me. I've found direction in that.

    Then again, I've observed how Fi betrays people and makes them attach to suboptimal solutions.. how it gives rise to unsubstantiated "theories". Aware of my emotions, I've felt what I've felt, and thought Fi isn't the winner function for me. It isn't much involved in any winning strategy in anything.. not much personally, anyway. It's good to be able to use Fi sometimes, but I guess I don't use it that much anymore, or at least I don't think about it that much anymore.

    I'm still moved to tears now and then, which I consider good; mostly, I just lack empathy, though I can deduct what the other person's feelings are. Then again, Fi matters to me every day when I think of what kind of food I'd like, what company, music, etc.. and I measure my quality of life a lot by what kinds of feelings I've experienced with Fi. So I guess I still use Fi alot, though in a less dramatic manner.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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