[ENTJ] How do ENTJs become likeable and less threatening to others?

[Lateralus]

Actually, he was very handsome. He had women throwing themselves at him constantly. The girl he was dating while he was pursuing me was a runway model, even. :O What he told me was that he was tired of "stupid" girls, that this was the reason he was after me. maybe he was just wound up over the idea that he couldn't have everything he wanted. I don't know.

I can totally relate to this. If I can't have something, that only makes me want it more. I've gotten obsessive over things I didn't even really want, just because I wanted to 'win'.

 

[Lateralus]

A) depends what you consider impossible
B) bullshit, speak for yourself. Part of the beauty is in the chase. Even if the odds are way against you.

This is the first post you've ever made that I actually agree with.

 

[Lucifer]

We are winners, so whenever, even subtely, we get the impression that we can't attain something or aren't allowed to, we will do it to prove we can.

We become single minded when this happens, other peoples feelings just don't factor in, we are in competitive mode, and I am sure other ENTJ's can relate.

 

[Valiant]

I was one point away from beating samuel de mazarin in mini golf a couple of hours ago... One point. Because I screwed up badly and had to take five shots at the 17th hole
This caused me to feel miserable and take a budweiser and a smoke. Then it felt better, he's going down!

 

[Bougal]

We are winners, so whenever, even subtely, we get the impression that we can't attain something or aren't allowed to, we will do it to prove we can.

We become single minded when this happens, other peoples feelings just don't factor in, we are in competitive mode, and I am sure other ENTJ's can relate.

This is the story of all of my past relationships (or past near relationships). If there is no challenge, there is no attraction; if it is too easy or if I feel like I'm being aggressed, I lose interest very quickly.

 

[animenagai]

How do ENTJs become likeable and less threatening to others?

How do you view ENTJs?

they're a smart bunch with great organization. however, they are also an intense bunch and watching them function is like watching a volcano toasting marshmallows. they do things effectively, but i often think that they need to just chillax.

What would you like to see more of from ENTJs?

cutting people some slack. they're competitive and they're critical. i think seeing ENTJ's adopting a surfer attitude will do good for them. we know they can talk, we know they can think logically. i want to see some better interpersonal skills from an ENTJ. developing that F i think should be a primary goal for them.

What could you do without?

they can be unnecessarily harsh. you can be an intellectual without completely ripping people apart. i think some times someone would say something a bit left field and the ENTJ would go 'wtf are you talking about?' most people may tell them that they are wrong in a friendly way or just not say anything about it. ENTJ's i think do have a tendency of LOOKING arrogant because they don't sugarcoat their response. there's a difference between saying the truth and saying the right thing. i remember an ENTJ asking me if i wanted the rest of the milk. i went 'hmmmm... maybe' a couple of times (i didn't want to drink all of it if someone else wanted some). he called me a wimp

 

[Valiant]

What could you do without?

they can be unnecessarily harsh. you can be an intellectual without completely ripping people apart. i think some times someone would say something a bit left field and the ENTJ would go 'wtf are you talking about?' most people may tell them that they are wrong in a friendly way or just not say anything about it. ENTJ's i think do have a tendency of LOOKING arrogant because they don't sugarcoat their response. there's a difference between saying the truth and saying the right thing. i remember an ENTJ asking me if i wanted the rest of the milk. i went 'hmmmm... maybe' a couple of times (i didn't want to drink all of it if someone else wanted some). he called me a wimp

I don't know about the other ENTJ's but when i'm critizised I act as if under serious fire, then the "sugar coating" goes straight off, bayonett on, charge!
I can't stand anyone challenging me directly. I will snap and tell the person what I think, wich can be pretty harsh. Then I will hear about it a long time afterwards how awful I am to argue with. Some people call this "steamrolling". Challenges disturbs my balance, and will be evened with the ground if possible. If not possible, I will eventually find a way to get rid of the problem even if I have to get a bloody PhD, write a few books and kill a few people in the process. No but seriously. ENTJ's are "born to lead", even if intellectually suited for this or not we need to be on top. If someone challenges our social position there will be war.

What we could do is to know when we're actually being challenged or if it's just a discussion. I've learned to control it a little better over the years, but I can still be pretty bad and earn a few enemies here and there. I work setting up concerts sometimes, roadie work. One time I insulted Eric Burdon of The Animals. And I kind of shoved him out of my way. Of course I would have done the same knowing it was him, but I didn't, and he was rude as hell. You should have seen his face, I bet he isn't used to being insulted by mere mortals ^^

 

[FDG]

I think you (we) just need to socialize more without preconceptions on other people. At the same time, it's better to avoid interacting with people that we really despise, because they will only add irritability.

Instead of trying to be super-efficient and achievment-oriented all the time, relax and go to the beach doing nothing for a while. Be more like an ISFp.

Maybe it's because I am a lazy italian, but I don't relate to the fact that the less I can have of something, the more I feel the need for it. However I may just be underestimating this part of my personality.

I've had an ENFp girlfriend and in my experience they don't play hard to get? I mean, Fi creative people are the easiest to start relationships with.

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

ENTJ "domination" unneeded

I've looked at some posts from our ENTJs, and I'm thinking that the dominating attitude so common with that type doesn't have to be that way. Some people propagate the idea of ENTJ always marching to their victory, ruthlessly eliminating opposition and all that.

That domination aspect is problematic from typing perspective, too. We'd be gathering the winners - or wannabe winners - in one type, even tho desire to win is not nearly exclusive to that type.

I find more comfort to acting ways which seem more natural to me, which is some kind of an amalgam of ENTP and ENTJ. Acting hostile might not be the best strategy in all competitive encounters, although it may help. The things I need, want and go after, mostly don't need me to be overbearing or anything like that. I'm not in the military.

I'd wish to be in favor of some social groups, tho I'm not trying hard in that and the amount I get effortlessly is good enough to be functional in them. I wish to have perserverance to go after the work & education I strive for, while maintaining the human touch in my life, in order to not become a relentless working machine. I wish to enjoy a rich life later, and a lot of hard work now, while keeping myself on the move. I need to learn how to go for the best job position I can.. I'll study all the ways, and execute the plans - repeatedly, if needed. None of that requires me to become some military leader type.

So, should they declare a "hostility is good" ENTJ manifesto, don't count on me for any support.

 

[INTJMom]

I've looked at some posts from our ENTJs, and I'm thinking that the dominating attitude so common with that type doesn't have to be that way. Some people propagate the idea of ENTJ always marching to their victory, ruthlessly eliminating opposition and all that.

That domination aspect is problematic from typing perspective, too. We'd be gathering the winners - or wannabe winners - in one type, even tho desire to win is not nearly exclusive to that type.

I find more comfort to acting ways which seem more natural to me, which is some kind of an amalgam of ENTP and ENTJ. Acting hostile might not be the best strategy in all competitive encounters, although it may help. The things I need, want and go after, mostly don't need me to be overbearing or anything like that. I'm not in the military.

I'd wish to be in favor of some social groups, tho I'm not trying hard in that and the amount I get effortlessly is good enough to be functional in them. I wish to have perserverance to go after the work & education I strive for, while maintaining the human touch in my life, in order to not become a relentless working machine. I wish to enjoy a rich life later, and a lot of hard work now, while keeping myself on the move. I need to learn how to go for the best job position I can.. I'll study all the ways, and execute the plans - repeatedly, if needed. None of that requires me to become some military leader type.

So, should they declare a "hostility is good" ENTJ manifesto, don't count on me for any support.

I don't think ENTJs need to be hostile to be ENTJs. I've only known one ENTJ and he garnered support through consensus. He wasn't hostile at all.

 

[Totenkindly]

...So, should they declare a "hostility is good" ENTJ manifesto, don't count on me for any support.

I thought it was amusing you even felt the need to definitively state this without direct stimulus.

I might think it but would not have bothered unless someone (probably an ENTJ) was putting pressure on me or trying to dominate me directly.

Do you know how I am learning to deal with ENTJ verbal domination, at least where they have no actual power over me? I just shrug and ignore them, although i glean what I can from the information they give to help my internal models improve. Some of the ones here have thrown their weight around, but it's all smoke and mirrors.

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

I thought it was amusing you even felt the need to definitively state this without direct stimulus.

Just glance at some Lucifer's writings, juggle a few thoughts around, and there you have it

I'm just ahead of the game, no need for me to wait it become direct

 

[Totenkindly]

Just glance at some Lucifer's writings, juggle a few thoughts around, and there you have it

So you're saying the devil made you do it?

 

[ajblaise]

I've known some ENTJ's. When they get more secure with themselves and their environment and mature, they tend to chill out a little and get less overbearing and annoying.

 

[INTJMom]

So you're saying the devil made you do it?

 

[Chris_in_Orbit]

My psychology teacher tested as an ENTJ. There are few people I respect more than her.

 

[Valiant]

Trust me, i'm a lazy bastard most of the time, too. ^^ I just think a lot in my lazy state, and then suddenly burst into action. I'm the kind of person who can do a weeks studies in five or six hours if I get to be alone and concentrate. I could never, ever maintain that speed for an entire day, but it means that I can spend more time doing things that I like, so it's a thing that have evolved over time.

 

[ptgatsby]

I've known some ENTJ's. When they get more secure with themselves and their environment and mature, they tend to chill out a little and get less overbearing and annoying.

Heh, "everyone grows up"... "Well, almost everyone".

"ENTJs are natural born leaders" - that is the stereotype, but it really means that they like "leading". The problem is, leadership isn't really about directing people around, which is the tendency for young "leaders" to take on. It takes time, development, skills and experience to become a good leader. Then ENTJs are 'less overbearing and annoying", IMO. When you feel the need to lead but don't know how, it causes a lot of strife...

 

[FDG]

Leadership is boring. It's a lot harder and tougher (albeit not necessarily smarter) to chase your dreams all by yourself.

 

[IlyaK1986]

If you're an ENTJ, that's a license to dominate. Someone's gonna do it eventually--and we're the ones cut out for it. You might not necessarily have to be completely overt about it, but so long as you get done the shit you need to get done, then the ends justify the means.

Human emotion should not be used for rational decision making, just like you shouldn't think about maximizing utility during sex but just do what feels right.