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[ENTJ] How do ENTJs become likeable and less threatening to others?

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
ENTJs are freakin awesome. I like you how you are. Just please stay open to other's viewpoints and things will be just fine.

If someone can't handle who you really are, then they won't like you in the long run. If you put on a mask, they will like the mask and not who you really are. Just remember that. You can be nice, but don't be fake.

But seriously. You guys are awesome as is.
 

Risen

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 19, 2008
Messages
3,185
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9w8
I really like the ENTJs I've met on this forum. I'm not threatened by them because usually I'm the one perceived as threatening (I suppose the avatar doesn't help ;) ). There are certain qualities in them I find to be endearing, almost admirable.
 

yenom

Alexander the Terrible
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
1,755
ENTJs are freakin awesome. I like you how you are. Just please stay open to other's viewpoints and things will be just fine.

If someone can't handle who you really are, then they won't like you in the long run. If you put on a mask, they will like the mask and not who you really are. Just remember that. You can be nice, but don't be fake.

But seriously. You guys are awesome as is.

Yes we need another Napoleon and Hitler to run this forum. :2up:
 

Grungemouse

Widdles in your cream.
Joined
Feb 5, 2008
Messages
577
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
ENTJs become less threatening to others when they're sleeping.
 

Raphael

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2009
Messages
15
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
3w4
Hm. I know I can be pretty elitist and I tend to apply my standards to other people; but I consider myself to be one of the most understanding of other people's situations (largely because I can logically see how they got themselves into X situation).

We all have different motivations; I've known ENTJs who are different to me in every way except how they go about things, but it's much more about what they believe, like, dislike, fight for and so on; and that's what makes me attach or detach from someone. If I feel like I'm alienating myself or others by being unlikeable in some way, I make conscious decisions to change how I act (usually by inserting more checks before I validate a thought and then voice or act on it) until the new method becomes natural. All very scientific, but that's NT for you. There's nothing wrong with being an ENTJ; it just means having to be careful and wise with your decisions, which is the mark of a good leader anyway.

xx
 

violet_crown

Active member
Joined
Jun 18, 2009
Messages
4,959
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
853
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Hm. I know I can be pretty elitist and I tend to apply my standards to other people; but I consider myself to be one of the most understanding of other people's situations (largely because I can logically see how they got themselves into X situation).

I identify with this, but I think I have a kind of vacillating perspective in terms of how I related to others. Either Im immensely laid back in terms other peoples conduct and world views, or hostilely intolerant. I find that its mostly a matter of context. If Im in a "work" mode, and find the other person to be unacceptable then theyll know about it. If I feel more social, then whatever is whatever.


If I feel like I'm alienating myself or others by being unlikeable in some way, I make conscious decisions to change how I act (usually by inserting more checks before I validate a thought and then voice or act on it) until the new method becomes natural. All very scientific, but that's NT for you. There's nothing wrong with being an ENTJ; it just means having to be careful and wise with your decisions, which is the mark of a good leader anyway.

I agree with you here too. I think on a basic level I care very little about most peoples opinions. However, I will adjust my behavior if I think that the blunt style thats most comfortable to me is upsetting to my ultimate goals. I dont like it but fortunately its not a difficult adjustment to make because people are fairly easy to read. Its troublesome, though, that there are times when I feel like I lose sight of the reasons Ive made the adjustments in the first place and end up in inadvantageous situations because Ive forgotten myself. Its something Ive bumped into a couple of times.
 

Kangirl

I'm a star.
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
1,470
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Only an irrational dumbass, would burn Jews.

This is hilarious and needs to be sigged and turned into a t-shirt caption.

And Galusha, you got there first, but my response to Risen was going to be "almost" as well. Heh :)
 

Galusha

New member
Joined
Apr 22, 2009
Messages
204
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
7?
"Almost" admirable in definition ;) . Give me a break, I very rarely admire other human beings.
Ha, thanks then. But unfortunately, fishing for compliments is part of the package :D
 

Salvadorabian

New member
Joined
May 31, 2010
Messages
22
MBTI Type
infp
ENTJs are great! They've got the gift of gab, they're hilarious, and are masters of the sexual innuendo. My boyfriend's an ENTJ and he's like a one man show-- a one man show who will end you if you cross him.
 
F

figsfiggyfigs

Guest
Hm. I know I can be pretty elitist and I tend to apply my standards to other people; but I consider myself to be one of the most understanding of other people's situations (largely because I can logically see how they got themselves into X situation).
xx

Yes. Which often leads to being empathetic when we want to be.

We all have different motivations; I've known ENTJs who are different to me in every way except how they go about things, but it's much more about what they believe, like, dislike, fight for and so on; and that's what makes me attach or detach from someone. If I feel like I'm alienating myself or others by being unlikeable in some way, I make conscious decisions to change how I act (usually by inserting more checks before I validate a thought and then voice or act on it) until the new method becomes natural. All very scientific, but that's NT for you. There's nothing wrong with being an ENTJ; it just means having to be careful and wise with your decisions, which is the mark of a good leader anyway.

I identify with this, but I think I have a kind of vacillating perspective in terms of how I related to others. Either Im immensely laid back in terms other peoples conduct and world views, or hostilely intolerant. I find that its mostly a matter of context. If Im in a "work" mode, and find the other person to be unacceptable then theyll know about it. If I feel more social, then whatever is whatever.

This x 10000. Seriously. My natural state is "work" mode, and I even physically look like it as well. It's very frustrating and keeps life involving others inefficient due to their constant questions about my state.
Like mentioned, I come off as hostile, intimidating, and angry. Which, sadly, is not how I feel at that moment, it's just how I "look". Being raised in a family where "public impression" was very important, I had to learn to always be aware of how I come off to people even when I didn't want to, always adjusting my behavior; Oddly enough, this quickly became a habit at a young age, that sometimes I don't even notice that I am doing it. With people I don't need to keep in constant contact with, and my family, I have found it much easier for me to behave this way. No questions asked, I get my own time to think if I play along, without it being an inefficient time waste.
I noticed the older I get, the more my natural state takes over, and the less I am consciously making decisions to come off as a warmer person so I don't unintentionally to scare people away.
Keep in mind that I do this for strangers who I have not had the pleasure of calculating whether they are worthy of my efforts to try to make them comfortable.
If it's a person I can't stand. I don't make the conscious decision to try to make them comfortable, and usually that drives them away, which was my intention at this point.

With my best friends however. I'm in my natural state, and they know better than to assume the worst. I behave as I would like to, without unintentionally offending them.


I agree with you here too. I think on a basic level I care very little about most peoples opinions. However, I will adjust my behavior if I think that the blunt style thats most comfortable to me is upsetting to my ultimate goals. I dont like it but fortunately its not a difficult adjustment to make because people are fairly easy to read. Its troublesome, though, that there are times when I feel like I lose sight of the reasons Ive made the adjustments in the first place and end up in inadvantageous situations because Ive forgotten myself. Its something Ive bumped into a couple of times.
... well said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:smiley_violin:

You guys pretty much summed up how I think/"feel" : )
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
While it's nice to be liked, you might find that it's less important than adhering to who you are within reason. Don't know about other ENTJs but if a behaviour, expression or value doesn't ring true to you, it will resonate in a negative way and eat at you.

Where we have to be careful, is not to feed the potential for narcissism within each ENTJ.
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
To be honest I think its sometimes a mistake to assume its you that has to change.
 

Billy

Crazy Diamond
Joined
Oct 20, 2009
Messages
1,192
MBTI Type
INFJ
Meh who knows, my dad is an ENTJ so it my brother and my cousin. I like their get it done with duct tape so long as it works mentality. I find that I get along well with them so long as I let them feel like they are in control of the situation. The only problem I have with them is that they get angry when I go on my way when I no longer require what they were offering and they lose that control over me. They get used to having me around and used to my particular brand of intelligence and insight and when I go, they turn a little hostile. I guess I would like to see them just loosen their grip, I am never gone for good, just onto other stuff and I will be back when the time is right.
 
F

figsfiggyfigs

Guest
... I wish people knew how hard it is to allow our selves to lose control.

Not that we can't, because we can, but it's like trying to kiss a toothless hooker.
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
... I wish people knew how hard it is to allow our selves to lose control.

Not that we can't, because we can, but it's like trying to kiss a toothless hooker.

Dude I totally love your avatar pic and its like alive, I swear it moved from this morning and is now making eye contact.
 

Vie

Giggity
Joined
Jun 9, 2010
Messages
792
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8
... I wish people knew how hard it is to allow our selves to lose control.

Not that we can't, because we can, but it's like trying to kiss a toothless hooker.

AHAHA. Very well put and I completely agree.
 

unicorn010

New member
Joined
Aug 28, 2010
Messages
19
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
N/A
It's not something we control, people we come in contact with can't be willed
to stop competing with and being possessive towards others. The only thing
we can do to make ourselves more 'likeable' or 'less threatening' is to focus on
bringing out others strengths instead of their weaknesses and stay away from
people who always have something to say about others being this or that.

ENTJ
 
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