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  1. #1
    desert pelican Owl's Avatar
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    Default Please help INTP understand female behavior

    I met a girl nearly a month ago, and I'm quite taken with her. We get along superbly, getting lost in conversations that last for hours. We've similar interests, (intellectual and otherwise), backgrounds, and we're of the same faith. (very rare). I know she's interested in me, but we're not at a point where we can progress past friendship. (At the moment, this is strictly verboten). We've been open to one another about how we feel about the relationship, and we've agreed to 'put the breaks on;' e.g., we'll only meet in groups.

    Recently, we went to the symphony with a group of friends. She distributed the tickets, and, to my delight, she put us together. (I don't know if this was intentional or not, but I did notice her scrutinizing the tickets before she handed them out. Also, the rest of the group went ahead of me at the theatre as I spoke to an usher, and I found her sitting in my seat when I finally caught up.) Near the end of the symphony, she adjusted her position, crossed her legs, and her foot ended up just barely resting against my calf--making it impossible for me to pay attention to the music. I certainly didn't want to recoil at her touch, and she let her foot dally there long enough to let me know that she certainly wasn't scared of me. I had to leave before the symphony was over to go to work, and I've neither seen nor spoken to her since.

    What am I supposed to do? Were her actions at the symphony intentional? We're supposed to be taking it slow. I'm not sure if her actions are merely friendly, or if she's signaling that she's interested in being more than just friends. What's she thinking?

    I'm going insane. Any insight would be appreciated.

  2. #2
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    You should probably say something, man. Ask her to dinner.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Bufo's Avatar
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    All I can say: have patience, don't think on her behalf.

  4. #4
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    Yeah, and furthermore: You don't really need to read her mind. I mean, it would be nice, but if you're just assertive it's hard to go wrong. Tell her you want to go on a date, and if she does too, great.

  5. #5
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Why is it Verboten to be in a romantic relationship at this time? I suspect she likes you and like-likes you and doesn't realize what she is doing to you with these small displays of affection. To her it's probably just a little playful flirting.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  6. #6
    Senior Member Bufo's Avatar
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    Be careful about cramming her with your theories. She mightn't like them sometimes.

  7. #7
    desert pelican Owl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bufo View Post
    All I can say: have patience, don't think on her behalf.

    ...

    Be careful about cramming her with your theories. She mightn't like them sometimes.
    I met her in a study group, (I'm a philosophy tutor), and she seems to not mind my theoretical ramblings.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    Yeah, and furthermore: You don't really need to read her mind. I mean, it would be nice, but if you're just assertive it's hard to go wrong. Tell her you want to go on a date, and if she does too, great.
    She's already asked me out. But we can't date... yet.

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Why is it Verboten to be in a romantic relationship at this time? I suspect she likes you and like-likes you and doesn't realize what she is doing to you with these small displays of affection. To her it's probably just a little playful flirting.
    The church I attend takes courtship very seriously. I'd need to get her father's permission to date her, but she's a convert--making our pastor her de facto gaurdian. And neither of us has been properly vetted to ensure that we're ready for the responsibilities that come with marriage.

  8. #8
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Owl View Post
    The church I attend takes courtship very seriously. I'd need to get her father's permission to date her, but she's a convert--making our pastor her de facto gaurdian. And neither of us has been properly vetted to ensure that we're ready for the responsibilities that come with marriage.
    I'd take her behavior as an indicator that she would like you to get started on the process. Do you feel motivated? lol (Our religion isn't as strict as yours, but my husband and I met at a conservative Bible College, so I kind of get where you're coming from.)
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  9. #9
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    Goodness gracious, what are you waiting for.
    yesiknowimamiserablegrouchnowgoawayovmeleor

    It's Mizzz ST, thank you...

  10. #10
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not allowed her. Oops.
    yesiknowimamiserablegrouchnowgoawayovmeleor

    It's Mizzz ST, thank you...

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