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  1. #81
    Senior Member Priori's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    What do you WANT to do? If you stopped thinking about it and just responded?

    I think sometimes INTPs make this a lot harder than it needs to be.
    Because everything has to be "rational."

    Just shut off your brain a sec and imagine your response to her if you were on autopilot.
    A very wise person once gave me same advice. I think mayhaps she rues that day.

    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    If you both have agreed that you can't court right now, then that is a boundary that can create a sense of security in a girl's mind. It's possible that she just wants to be near you and be with you, while expecting you to respect the boundary. She could even be testing you to see how much you respect her based on how willing you are to continue to respect the boundary. I can't imagine how you can go wrong erring on the side of caution.
    Or maybe she wants to be chased, to know that he wants her even though itís forbidden but canít help himself. Maybe she wants him to be aggressive, to break the rules so she can just passively go along with it all the awhile protesting how wrong it is and yet still cling to him passionately.


    Quote Originally Posted by Owl View Post
    She hasn't proposed marriage, but she's said some things to me that have twisted my soul more tightly than a wet rag. Why do you women have this power over us men? Do we do the same to you? It would only be just!
    Yes we do. Wait until you see it in her eyes, you'll never be the same. Use it.

  2. #82
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Priori View Post
    Or maybe she wants to be chased, to know that he wants her even though itís forbidden but canít help himself. Maybe she wants him to be aggressive, to break the rules so she can just passively go along with it all the awhile protesting how wrong it is and yet still cling to him passionately.
    Errr....sounds like you're having your own private little fantasy there, fella.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  3. #83
    Senior Member Priori's Avatar
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    So what if I am, bub?

  4. #84
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Hey, works for me! Just think it might be a bit ambitious for Owly. Sounds like he still needs help tying his shoelaces.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  5. #85
    Senior Member Priori's Avatar
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    I suspect he'll do ok, especially if she's an ENFJ.

  6. #86
    desert pelican Owl's Avatar
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    sigh...

    I already blew any chances I may have had.

    I'll be sticking with velcro thankyouverymuch.

  7. #87
    Senior Member Priori's Avatar
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    It ain't over till it's over, what happend?

  8. #88
    desert pelican Owl's Avatar
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    I'm not sure.

    She thinks I got the wrong idea, and she asked that I keep my distance.

    I dunno. Not long ago, I brought her a little bag of peanut m&m's from home, because I knew she liked them, and we were working together that night on a project for our school's philosophy club. (She's the president, and I was the vice-president.)

    Her friend said I don't understand that girls need space. I guess I was smothering her?

  9. #89
    Senior Member Priori's Avatar
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    Did she say directly to you that you had the wrong idea and then directly asked you to keep your distance or did her friend say this? What makes you think she thinks you got the wrong idea? What idea does she think you have exactly?

    Everyone needs space every once in awhile, not just women, and if you've been hovering around her a lot it can cause familiarity which is boring.

    What's the significance of the M&Ms, the Velcro and your loss of vice-presidential office?

    It seem like there are three basic possibilities right now:

    A) You did get the wrong idea and she was never attracted to you.

    B) She was attracted but something in your behavior caused her to lose interest or she's found someone else she's more attracted too.

    C) She was and is still attracted to you but decided it's better for both of you right now that you don't begin courting.

    Since you said she asked you out and that your pastor noticed sparks between the two of you I'd say possibility A is the least likely. Do you think B or C is more likely at this point? I would go in prepared for possibility A or B but acting as if it's C. If it turns out to actually be possibility A then it is over and you should move on.

    Concerning option B, being clingy is not sexy. Were you being clingy?

    If you were you might be able fix her perception of that by pushing aside romantic thoughts and attempting to build rapport with her again the same way you did when you were just friendly. Try to get involved in a group setting like the symphony and interact with the other people there especially other women, but do initiate conversations with her.

    When people talk they drop hints about what they'd like to be talking about i.e. velcro and you no longer being vice president of the the philosophy club. You can try picking these things out when she talks and then asking her to elaborate on how she feels about it. If you are unsure how to do that the simplest feelings are like or dislike.

    When ever in a group setting get involved in other peoples conversations possibly by building rapport with them using the above techniques while sort of ignoring her for awhile until she says something that draws the group attention to her. At that point look at her until she looks at you and then hold eye contact until she looks away. After go back to sort of ignoring her again and being socially involved with the group. When the group activity is over or she is leaving get her attention by calling her first name and when you have it pick something that you like about her personality and tell her how you feel about that quality i.e. "I like the way you make every body in the room smile." Make sure to hold eye contact until she breaks it and then turn around and leave. Avoid seeing her for the next few days.

  10. #90
    desert pelican Owl's Avatar
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    The night with the m&m's was the last night I hung out with her. I guess it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

    Her friend told me to keep my distance, and then my pastor did too. (He's been in communication with both of us.)

    A few weeks later, it became apparent to others who knew the two of us that we were avoiding each other. A mutual friend asked her what happened to me, and she told him that I got the wrong idea--and he passed this bit on to me.

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