Hi everyone!
This is my first post on Typology Central, although I've spied on y'all for a long time. I've come hoping for some insight from other INTJs or ISTPs. I wasn't sure whether to post this on the INTJ forum or the ISTP forum.

I'm a female INTJ married to a male ISTP. He doesn't like personality tests despite my begging, so I took the Myers Briggs for him. We have been married 3 years, and before that, dating long distance for 3 or 4. Our marriage has been beautiful and healthy and intense much of the time, but broken up by periods of time where he will either pull away from me, or start being unkind towards me. These instances usually lead to an attempt to talk through things, which usually spirals until he threatens to leave me or physically leaves the room. Weeks later, he's back to the kind husband he normally is. At least until now, I suppose.

Due to some disappointments at his job (they gave him responsibilities he dislikes) at the beginning of the year, he's been stressed and overwhelmed. To add to that, I've been unable to find a job for over a year now. The industry I was educated in (apparel design) is currently melting down and there just aren't jobs that pay actual dollars. I've been trying for other jobs in related fields but there's little work other than tech stuff. So I've been expanding my skills while looking for a job because that's all I can think to do. My husband makes an okay salary so we are financially fine, although we are renting. I digress. My point was that there have been many things weighing on his
mind.
He started becoming very frustrated with his job and picked up World of Warcraft again "to practice leadership skills since they won't let me at work". I said okay, that sounds fine, keep it balanced. You're free to have your decompress time, I totally totally get it. But the thing is, after a while, playing for two hours twice a week became playing four hours, three times a week, and so on. Currently he's been working from home most of the week so he can play video games and not be around his coworkers. He gets up in the morning and immediately logs on. He stays up late every night playing. He doesn't leave the house on the weekend for anything other than the grocery store. Showers once a week. Every night he falls asleep to Starcraft streams on his computer. And he's become verbally aggressive, unkind, and certainly apathetic towards me, even threatening divorce several times over seemingly reasonable things.

A few months ago he changed the passwords on all of our online bank accounts, shared Amazon and PayPal. Did not tell me, avoided the subject when I asked him if he changed his password. Said it was for security reasons. Unfortunately that was a lie, which I come to find very quickly. He was trying to hoard as much of our money as possible because he believed that I was a bad investemt/waste of money. His words were along the lines of "if you don't make money, you don't get a say" in regards to future life decisions. To be clear here, we are financially fine and I've had access to all of these accounts up until now. I'm not a huge spender, and when I do go a little hog wild it's at Goodwill. My husband, on the other hand, bought a Nintendo switch with games, controllers, along with a brand new nice melodica. Didn't tell me beforehand. My new hell on so many levels.

Now I'm sure it's obvious this is inappropriate and neglectful behavior. I won't go on to list the verbal abuse, but it's not pretty. We have a lot to work through. I'm in counseling and doing work on my end, but if there's only one person working, the marital problem won't be fixed. I'm trying so hard to convince him to go to counseling, at least one on one, but I can barely get him to tear his eyes away from the computer long enough to have a conversation.
I guess at this point I'm really saddened and disappointed in him, but I'm hopeful there's still a way to break through with empathy and compassion.

If any INTJs or ISTPs could provide insight into how I should handle things during this time, or even better, have insight into how he might be feeling or thinking, that would be amazing. i would also love any success stories from the INTJ/ISTP combo.

Thanks you guys and feel free to ask any questions or for clarification. It's almost midnight and I'm doing this on my phone so I was trying to stay kinda brief!