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  1. #1
    Senior Member SurrealisticSlumbers's Avatar
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    Default Am I rightly concerned?

    A family member who has a history of depression seems to be adrift. The concern is mostly surrounding the idea (socially constructed, I know) that this is supposed to be a pivotal time for laying the foundation for a "healthy" life. This person is a 22 y/o male.

    His sister recently confided in me that their parents suggested that he move in with her in the event that she moves out of the family home, which I think is not only premature but totally nuts. Whatever; not my family.

    He tried community college. I think he gave it two semesters before dropping out. Before the restaurant closed down, he worked for several months washing dishes. But other than that, he doesn't have much in the way of employment experience. He lives an ascetic's life where he mostly reads, reads, reads, or listens to certain music in an obsessive fashion, and doesn't get out much. He doesn't have a car, and cannot (will not?) go places unless it is absolutely necessary, like a family function. This is not exactly conducive to having a girlfriend or just having plain old friends, for that matter. He doesn't appear to be suffering in any way, but his family members just don't know what to do with him.

    I have faith that he will eventually find something in life that will bring him satisfaction or that he can at least tolerate doing (I visualize something in tech), like another family member of ours who is similar in temperament. I just fear that ever since he quit college and his job folded, he is directionless at a critical juncture and his depression may have surged back. He opened up to me many years ago about his struggles to find meaning in the activities (mostly school) that he participated in and his inability to identify with his peers. At the time, I gave him a pep talk and assured him that school just sucks and that he wouldn't have to deal with it forever. I, too, faced similar issues. And I don't give people advice from a pedestal, especially loved ones who are younger than I am.

    Thing is, I am defensive of this relative of mine, because I recognize the odds that have been stacked up against him for many years at this point. He is a good person and has many strengths. He can be quite passionate and has many strong opinions, which he will vehemently proclaim to anyone within earshot. The saddening thing is that many people's gifts and ways of thinking are not valued in our contemporary society.

    Has anyone here faced these things, and how did you cope? Do you find that support from family members helps or hinders when you are struggling, as this relative of mine is? I am concerned, as you probably deduced from the tone of this post... But is my concern actually justified?
    Shot at close range; left for dead by an unidentified killer, for reasons unknown. After 40 years, no names, few clues...

    Who are the elusive "Mystery Couple"?

  2. #2
    Mastermind Fieldmarshal Sacrophagus's Avatar
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    Default

    I faced something similar. I too, questioned authority, overthrew their agenda, and took it my own way. This created some hardships. I'm known to be obstinate and fierce, and exude that aura of "I respect the shit out of myself".
    I had episodes of halts in my life. Two of them were when I was taking care of my parents, and another when I was sick. Needless to say, I always had a vision of how my future is going to unfold, and I never let that down. I was eagerly reading, documenting my research, working through everything and I did some similar monastery behavior.
    Some great endeavors take time to manifest into reality, with the criterion that he will never let down the goal he drew for himself. Chances are, he already has an idea of what he wants, and everything is being concocted behind the scenes.


    These little challenges are going to be part of his final product as a person. Something he will tell those who were in the same spot, and seemed helpless to the others, but still, always believed in themselves and in their vision.


    I see a successful man in the making.
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